how do i fit in?

Question

my boyfriend plays cricket for a local cricket team (they are rubbish and hardly ever win) and likes to go for a drink after games at the club house.

when we are there he takes off and talks to other people he gets on with all the players and their wives but im struggling to make conversations and no1 seems bothered that im there.
i get on with the men more than the women but when they start talking about cricket and how other teams have got on i find it hard to join in.

my boyfriend really wants me to enjoy myself there but its so hard since i dont work (though im trying my best to get a job) it feels like everyone is looking down their noses at me like im stupid especally the women. i get no credit when i help out doing cricket teas or stocking the bar.

im not sure what i should do as i want to spend time with my boyfriend but the people at his club just dont seem to want me there its a big part of his life.

what should i do to get his friends to like me?

Answer 1

It sounds to me you are doing just fine, maybe they just need more time to get to know you, how abpout inviting a couple of the nicer ones out for a drink with you and your boyfriend, it may help to break the ice a bit, good luck.

Answer 2

Paste a big smile on your face, if you look like your having a good time you will also look happier and not look like a miserable cow lol

Don't expect any credit just do the best you can out of every job, it may not make you friends but it will give you the reputation of being reliable & capable.

Why does he go off & leave you, it's not the actions of a loving & caring boyfriend.
If he treats you like that then maybe the others are taking their cue from him, it doesn't look like you're a permenant fixture when even he isn't that bothered about you.

If they don't like you for who you are then really you should think "stuff them" but I know it's not that easy just remember your own self worth & try to have some life away from your boyfriend & cricket

Answer 3

If someone lacks confidence, they often come accross as aloof or haughty (ironic isn't it) and you might unintentionally be coming accross that way.

Best fix to overcome this is to smile and keep your shoulders relaxed, a change of posture can do alot for your anxiety around people you aren't comfortable with. It'll help make you more approachable too.

Sounds like you're also having insecurities about not finding work. Register with your local job centre and a few agencies. If you've already done that and jobs are a bit scarce, do some volunteering in the meantime. It'll give you something to do and raise your self-esteem. Try http://www.do-it.org/ for voluntary work in your area or visit some local charities.

Good luck ;)

Answer 4

Get the boyfriend to introduce you to some of his mates girlfriends. Don't be too concerned about them liking you they are a bit of a clicky bunch at the cricket club. I had a boyfriend once who was cricket crazy. Try to learn a little about the game so that you can join in and understand the conversation, but not too much!!!

Answer 5

I know exactly what I would do. I would spend some time alone with him not around sneek to a bar mabe in the next town or where people don't really know me and practice my *** off at Cricket then one day I would say HEY lets play a game, and act like I still don't know much about it and as they are snickering about playing cricket with me in I would swiftly enjoy kicking their asses or atleast coming close. HA then they would have a different idea of you all together.

Answer 6

Just be yourself and make an effort to be a part of the group. Learn about Cricket and about the teams they play, that way when they talk about it you can comment and know what you are talking about. Find out their stats and their wins/losses against other teams, etc - make a real effort to be a part of everything.
Also, talk to your bf about how you feel and about how you feel that maybe they don't want you around. He needs to know you are really trying and that you want to be a part of his hobby.

Answer 7

Have you tried putting yourself out there more? or are you the more quiet type? If the woman are even looking down on you they seem really snobbyish and stuck up and honestly who wants friends like that? If its possible just don't go to the "after game" things. Espcially if your not enjoying yourself.

Answer 8

Everyone has dues to pay to be welcomed into someone Else's team sport...learn the rules of engagement and eventually you'll be welcomed in...these things take time and effort and could involve a little humility, as you already know...good luck.

Answer 9

he shouldn't wander off and leave you if you're struggling. you are making some big judgements about these people. they are probably as insecure as you. it always helps to ask people about themselves and show interest. you don't need to tell them anything about you as you'll find they open to you if you just ask about them. in the meantime get yourself a serious hobby. your bf can't be everything to you. take up a sport or interest that you enjoy and do it on your own. you are probably relying to much on him and he'll appreciate your independence more.

Answer 10

don't feel insecure, who cares what people think about you hun? they're just jealous cuz you're prettier!!! haha so next time, let loose have some drinks and talk their heads off! the less time you spend thinking what they think about you, the more fun you'll be having!