Why is it so hard?

Question

Why is it so hard to get the divorce over with? I have been talking about divorce with my hubby. He knows I am leaving Sept. 1, and now he's making it worse. He goes from being mean about it, to crying the next minute and saying he doesn't want me to leave. It's really tearing me up. We have no kids, and I thought it wouldn't be this bad! I tried tellng him to leave now, but he says "the law says u can't make me leave", and he is right. I can't find an apartment or house for rent(the only ones I found were too far from work or they were in a bad neighborhood). I feel like giving in, and just staying with him cause it's easy. Oh what to do......

Answer 1

Be strong, there's no turning back now, as you've already made up your mind. When you decided you wanted a divorce, you knew deep inside it wasn't going to be easy, so you need to remind yourself that the beginning is always the hardest, but in time, old wounds will heal and this is for the best. Stop making excuses about not being able to get a place--just get out of that house and find something! You could always just rent a room in the bad area short term until you find something better. But the more you rationalize why it's bad to move, the more likely you'll stay put in the same place and do nothing.

Answer 2

It does take awhile to get it done. But not as long as you might think. If you have no kids, no real property (like a house in both your names), or lots of cars, you should be able to get it filed and completed in just a few months if not sooner. I filed in march and it went final on halloween (go figure). The only reason it took so long was that we have kids, and a lot of property to divide up. The first step is filing. Some divorces only take a few weeks. Go file and start the process. Talk is talk. File and maybe then he will realize that you are serious.

Answer 3

while i'm not one to advocate for divorce, if you feel that you don't love him and don't want to be married to him then just leave. do what it takes to get out and don't wait until september 1. find a week to week hotel or a friend's couch. make the break now - once and for all. otherwise, you will establish a yo-yo pattern. he will learn that if he begs and pleads you will give in and stay. don't cave because it's easy or comfortable - stay only if you truly want to continue to spend the rest of your life with him. if you've made a decision, make it firmly, take action and don't look back.

Answer 4

You need to revisit the reasons you got married AND the reasons you're leaving him. No one is obligated to tolerate abuse. I would guess if you agree to stay, I'd give him two days before he's calling you a ***** or taking you for granted (returning to pre-divorce behavior).
What kind of life do you want to live? It'll be difficult and stressful at first, but if you don't love him, you'll both end up being miserable.

Answer 5

Get out run very fast. Stay with a friend or several friends so you don't wear them out. Look everyday at at least one other living option. Temporarily take a place with a roomate check the paper. Check into providing Childcare for room and board. Is your job so great that you can't give it up for something else. Pull up stakes and move back in with family. Or stay with him until you find another option.

Answer 6

There will always be conflict if you are not on the same page. Break-ups ARE usually difficult. Staying with someone because it is 'easy' is taking the craven way out.
Reassure him that you will always be his friend-the only thing that will change between the 2 of you will be the dynamics of the relationship. good luck.

Answer 7

Do you really want a divorce? He sounds like he is making it very hard to give it to you. If won't get out, then leave.

Answer 8

this will be your only chance to leave him now since you both don't have kids. and I now it hard to find apt and house but you need find friend to be yoru roommate. and You know mean now he crying about it... yeah there is a law where you have the right to don't want him there.

If you want to stay with him and believe me when you have kids from him you will wished that you would listen to me.. That is the only chance you will get out it now. I don't care if he crying.. He did something to make you want to divorce. and Now you have the choice... Think about it single again whew! or better stay with him and come to yahoo questions everyday why did I stay with him why didn't I listen why didn't I take that chance why didn't I do that or on and on and on.. stuff like that.

Seriouly you need to leave now and If you want him to be with him then he need to work very very very very hard to show to you.. Don't let him get off easily make sure he work very very hard to show to you.

Look at me I left my ex girlfriend to marry someone and found out not working out for 8 months I left since we don't have kids and then try to have my ex girlfriend back in my life so long time and the good news is that she want to see me after 5 long years I have tried to and wanted to see her. and She gave me second chance and I told her what made you want to see me.. after you won't give up 5 years and you kept saying same thing I was wrong and I was stupid and dumb and I should of stay with you and you mean world to me and that why I have you back in my life.

That is true, 9 years of married and 2 beauitful kids and 3rd due in march 2007. I mean seriously If i stay with my ex wife and have baby I would wished I got a chance to get out of this marriage. but did it early. but been with someone better and very happy now. See what I try to tell you? you will find someone better than your husband now. He blew it and now he need to show it very very hard to show to you to make sure it will not happen again.

Answer 9

IF YOU WANT THE DIVORCE THEN YOU SHOULD BE THE ONE TO LEAVE UNLESS THE HOUSE OR APARTMENT IS IN YOUR NAME. YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT ALL THROUGH BEFORE TELLING HIM YOU WANTED A DIVORCE.

Answer 10

you shouldn't stay in a relationship your not happy in, but I think you should do what is best. but make sure you do the right thing, don't do anything you would regret after. Best of luck!!!