am i a selfish person??????

Question

hi my boyfriend does not want any kids yet i think the only way to get him 2 come around is if i get pregnant and beg him2 keep it..last year i got pregnant that was defo not planned got caught on pill :-( he was a complete bastard over it..hes got a better job now and maybe ok 2 have 1 ..i have tricked him and told him im on the pill im not really having it....i really love clubbing but i think id love achild..he would not make me do that again.....

had a abortion he put me through HELL!!!

well listen i thought of what u all said i dont wanna ruin or push him in a corner ...maybe its revenge i want..i cant wait to be a mum and who knows i probably cant have kids after the abortion??

Answer 1

Fooling the person you're supposed to be in love with is totally wrong. The very idea of beinging a child into a relationship in any attempt to 'hold it together' or 'solidify' it is totally and utterly wrong.

If your boyfriend isn't willing to have a child, and you really want one, well, you have one of two options... Either you (a) wait for him to be ready -- think about perhaps marriage first ... or (b) find another boyfriend... one who has the same desires, the same wants that you do.

If you honestly wanted to keep the child last time around you shouldn't have let yourself feel pressured to get rid of it; the very fact that you did abort the child because he didn't want you to have it shows that you aren't ready to have children.

Answer 2

Sweetie,

You need 2 get rid of this dude...and fast! I can understand a couple disagreeing on certain subjects...but having children isn't one. If you do not want the same things, u need 2 find some 1 who does.

Any man (and I use the term loosely) who would make u have an abortion really does not love u and to try to trick him into having a baby with u would most likely end up with u being a single parent. I am sure there is a guy out there 4 u that would love 2 give u all the kids u want...

Go and find him...and if u still like clubbing, maybe u aren't ready either. Partying and midnight/early morning feedings don't mix.
I wish u luck...

Answer 3

hon, by your question, you are not ready to be a mom. If you would manipulate someone into being a father, you are doing your child a great diservice! Studies show that children from single family homes have greater psychological and behavioral problems, are more likely to commit crimes and more likely to have children out of wedlock when they grow up...That is not to say that there are many great single parents, but why would you want to give your child an uphill battle from the start? WHen you have a child, you must be willing to put their best interest above your own. By trying to give them a life with an unmarried mom and a dad who doesnt want them, you are NOT putting their interests first. If you can't put a baby's interest first now, then you arent ready to bring a child into this world, plain and simple. You wouldnt be a good mom. I know it's rough, but it is true. You can only be a good mom if you can put the baby first and you wanting to get pregnant in your current situation is just about putting YOURSELF first, not the baby and definitely not your boyfriend. Oh, and as a side note, no one can MAKE you get an abortion. You chose an abortion and you need to take ownership of that.

Answer 4

You're not selfish to want a child, but would it be worth it to go through the hell of having a child with this guy? It sounds like he's not a good person to you. If he doesn't want children perhaps you two aren't meant to be together. It also sounds like you may not be ready either. A baby is a full time responsibility. Once it comes into the world your clubbing days are pretty much limited to those rare nights when you can afford a baby sitter. Think about the baby instead of you and your boyfriend. How will growing up knowing your father didn't want you effect your baby's life? Or knowing that your mother had to trick your father into concieving you? There's a lot more involved in this than just having a child because you'd love to have one. It's not selfish, but on another level it is. Just remember, if it's meant to be it'll happen on its own. I wasn't trying to talk down to you, but I've been witness to people tricking their partners into getting pregnant and I've never seen it end well for them. Good luck.

Answer 5

If you have to ask yourself that question, it is probably not a good decision at this point in your life. Having a child is a big responsibility. Ask yourself these questions, do you want to raise the child alone? Or from his perspective, would you be okay if he had an affair? The magnitude of your thoughts and potential decisons on this matter effect everyone.

Do yourself, your boyfriend and your unborn child a favour....stay on the pill and have a child when both of you are settled and ready. Big decisions come with big responsibility. It sounds like you have a lot of love to give, but timing can make the difference between a good and bad decision.

Answer 6

Having a baby doesn't fix anything, much less "help" someone want kids. Since he was upset last year you should, get back on birth control, and talk to your man. If he's adamant about not having kids right now respect his wishes and wait. Enjoy clubbing while you can, cause once you do have kids, those long nights out will be just a pleasant memory. If he never wants kids, find a good man who does want you, and kids too.

Answer 7

Get yourself back on the pill girl! If you do fall pregnent he might make you have another abortion and that would just be really cruel, and even if you do keep it he might not stick around to help, and also if you do get pregnent and he does change his mind and decide he wants the baby how will he feel when he finds out you lied by saying you were on the pill, he will not trust you.

You really need to find someone else that will have a baby with your or wait untill he is ready.

Good luck girl

Answer 8

You could trick him but face the fact that you will be a single mum and your child may not have a stable father figure. What worries me is the level of deceit here, try being honest with him and talk about it properly and maybe you will understand why you want a child so much and why he is not willing to yet. at the end of the day you must respect his decision and you may find it isn't the right relationship for you.

Answer 9

Sorry to offend, but i really dont think you are mature enough to even contemplate having children!
'i really love clubbing but i think id love a child' clubbing and parenting are two totally seperate things! A child is def for life, not just a few hours party trick.
Do you really think that you are in a stable enough relationship to have a child? there is NO ability to talk about what you really want and there is no honesty.
As i say, sorry to offend but i think you need to take a long hard look at your life before you trap yourself with a child - yes it is you that will be trapped, not him.
Children should be brought into this world to be loved and nurtured,

Answer 10

Why in the world would you want to force him to be a father knowing that he doesn't want to be? And worse yet why would you do that to the child oh yeah....because thats what you want. Does that sound selfish to you? Why don't you decide to be with someone that wants a family and has some of the same life goals rather than lying and trying to force something on someone (how many relationships do you know that have succeded after trickery and lies anyways...yeah it usually doesn't strengthen a realationship)