I'm bi and don't know what to do..?

Question

Here is the situation.. I am in a long term relationship with this guy. We've been together for 2 years now. I am miserable in this relationship and would like to end it, but we live together and I'm afraid to leave because I don’t know if I can make it on my own.

Six months into our relationship I told him I was going to have sex with a good friend of mine from high school and if he wanted he could watch but not touch. He agreed and she came over and I lost my lesbian virginity. Lol.

Over the past year and a half I have wanted less and less to do with him and now we go weeks without sex because I am not attracted to him.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm totally gay or if he just isn’t the one for me.

Please help. Serious answers only.

*I've had more than just that one experiance with her, and I am more apt to check out women walking down the street than men. I've been to gay bars and to the Pride parade (which I've always wanted to attend, but never had.) I do love my bf but I really dont like him or think I am in love with him. I dont know if its just that I'm unhappy with him or with all men. My relationships with males always end quickly and its usually me breaking up with them.

Answer 1

given what you shared I would say you need to get out of this relationship.
You admitted you stay only because you don't believe in yourself enuf.
you need to end it so you can be free to form new relationships and ones that nurture you and bring out your talents not one that suppresses them

Answer 2

I would disagree with the statement "make up your mind." Although I'm not bi or gay, I can understand the fact that there are things that each sex can do something for you sexually that the other cannot do or do as well. I would say that you need to see if you are attracted to just women or men, but just not him. After you make that determination I think your path will be clear to you. As corny as it is, someone once told me that it's a lot easier to wear your old shoes then to break in the new ones. Change is scary, but the most important person in this equation is you and your happiness. Find a room-mate if you're scared to go out on your own finacially or if you just don't want to be alone. In the end, you need to be happy and satisfied with your life. Even though I don't know you, I honestly wish you the best because this is a pretty big decision in your life. Good luck.

Answer 3

Break up with him and be honest. You need to know YOURSELF better before you are ready for a relationship with ANYONE. Rather than worry about a labeling yourself, find another place to live. now. It's better to struggle financially than live a lie. Look for a room mate. Maybe there is a family willing to rent their college kid's room for awhile. It doesn't have to be a long term arrangement. Once you've got a place where you can concentrate on only you, you'll be able to figure out what you want in life. Don't go jumping into the first lesbian relationship you can. Get to know you. Contactg some gay organizations, including PFLAG. You need to meet other eople who have made a similar journey. Learn to be strong inside. You'll be a better partner. Good luck. While you're exploring your new life, maybe you'll find a better job, make more money, find your own place. Yahoo!!!! Hugs!

Answer 4

Just because you had a sexual experience with another women, does not make you gay! You have to figure out what it is you want! Yes change is scary, however as an adult you should be able to make it alone! More than likely you are at an experimental phase! 2 years is a long time, however better you know now that you and your partner are not meant to be, then stay and have your both end up bitter and full of regrets down the line!

Answer 5

The gay culture is absolutely fascinating and easy to get caught up in. I am in my fifties and realized 10yrs ago that I prefer the company of women emotionally and physically. I too had the same questions that you are asking. After 2 children and 2 failed marriages I finally found what had been missing in my life. You can connect deeply with a woman in ways that men just can't. I am not a man hater by any means, they have their place in this world. Some of us just have that special gene that makes us different. I tried living the life that society said was acceptable and it didn't work for me. If I had realized my orientation early in life I would have sought adoption or sperm donation to have a child. The most important thing I would like for you to know is that MANY of us started out just like you. Men love a threesome whether they get to touch or not. I think there are just as many girl on girl movies as there are hetero movies. You are, however, asking all the right questions. When you find the person you are going to love forever, you will know it. I don't believe that we just choose to love one gender or the other. the person you fall in with will meet the criteria you are looking for. You will also know what in that person you are willing to accept or reject. I have been in a relationship for the last 8 years and I know this woman is the one I've been searching for for many years. I can tell one thing, you still have to kiss alot of frogs before you find your prince or princess. So enjoy the ride and don't let the fear of "going it alone" bog you down. You WILL make it alone and being on your own, will give you the space you need to find yourself. From what you write, my opinion is that he is definitely not right for you. I don't know how old you are, but LOVE has no respect for age, when it happens it happens. Going for weeks with no sexual contact sounds clear to me that he is not for you. These are just my thoughts, you can take them or leave them. Whatever your body, soul and mind tells you to do I wish you the very best. Just know that the best is yet to come.

Answer 6

There seems to be two issues here. The first is whether you should stay with him or not. It sounds like the relationship is over. If so, then move on with your life. If you really care about him and want to save the relationship, then try to. The second issue is your orientation. Is it just him that you don't find attractive? Or is it all males? If you're not attracted to men at all, then break it off and enjoy your newfound orientation. If you do happen to be bi, then he might not be the person/man for you. You can either try to save the relationship if you care that much about him, but it doesn't sound like there's enough there anymore. The other option is to break it off. Move on. If you find Mr or Ms right, then go with them.
To sum it up, ask yourself if you want to save the relationship and why. If you want to save it for a good reason, and you're not denying your true self, then stay with him. If the relationship is over, then no matter your orientation, break it off.

Answer 7

I'm actually kind of wondering if you are in the gay category at all. People often tend to confuse the differences between sexual orientation and sexual behavior. What happen to you was "sexual behavior". You chose one night to do this with your high school friend. Just because you may have enjoyed it doesn't mean that now your foundation (or your sexual orientation) is favored towards women. It's not like a light switch! Your indifference with your boyfriend is just that. You just don't like him anymore and that's simply it. There will be another guy for you soon and you will see that you are a straight girl who just had an experience...(unless there's something you're not telling us)..... So don't flip out...sleep easy...

Answer 8

I hope you read this (you have so many!)

I think that there is a good chance you are bi-sexual. It isn't uncommon, but that is a good place to start, if you have feelings for this guy, just they are wanning then you haven't given up on men (so to speak).

If you really don't like him I don't know if you should live there. But you said that you are just not attracted to him sexually, which you have to take into account. If you like him then you need to decide is it good enough that you want to be with him longer or do you need to dump him.

Being in a miserible relationship is hard on both parties, talk to him about how you are feeling ( but don't mention the thoughts of dumping him) talk about how you feel about girls and such make him think that you are asking him for answers like on this site, he will feel like a helper and won't feel as bad if the situation turns out unfavorable.

Hope it helps, keep in touch!
~Roger

Answer 9

Hey,
wow, this one's got everybody going! Here's my little opinion:
1. I agree with most others that your relationship with the guy is over, and you can defintely make it on your own! It'll be scary at first, but you'll get through it, and you'll be much stronger for it!

2. Don't worry about deciding if you're gay, bi or straight. All those people who say 'pick one' only want that because it makes things easier for them to work out who/what you are. Your life won't be any better/worse by deciding which club to join. Sexuality is fluid, and changes on your mood, your age, your hormones, your self-image, etc! If you see a girl you like, go for it, if a guy, go for it! After a few dates/trials you'll get to know what you like/what suits you- it's a bit like trying on clothes! Just be upfront with everyone you date/sleep with so you don't hurt anyone, and be truthful with yourself!

Good luck, honey! And have fun!

Answer 10

First off, break up with him after you find other living quarters. Try not to date anyone for a while until you decide if your only attracted to females, or both. More than likely, you are bi and are just not feeling your boyfriend anymore. Maybe you can possibly start a good relationship with your first girl, but remember you are probably still attracted to men. Thus, you are bi, and that's absolutely okay.

Answer 11

Heres the issue as I see it. You don't love him, and you're living with him, it's a lie.

You need to set him, and yourself free. Find a way on your own or with a roommate (notice I didn't say another lover, I said roommate!). You might be bi, you might be lesbian or straight, but the real deal is, that most people need to be with one special person. For sure, he isn't your one special person, and therefore you aren't his.

I agree with the idea that you stop having sex until you have a better concept of what you want. If you were more independent, rather than dependent on him, you'd start to see yourself more clearly. Once you have a better vision of self, you can find your way to finding someone special in your life.