She is a great person with 2 adorable boys. I've never been married and have no kids, but we are so in love. The issue is her ex-husband - He keeps asking her back all the time and he calls her at work to ***** about stuff that can wait until after work or not at all. She assures me that she is over him and wants to be with me and I am trying so hard to believe that, but we live a long ways away, so I can't be with her all the time. Me and her boys get along great and the sex is awesome, but I wish her ex would just move one and she is always complaining about how much of a jerk he is to me. I really don't want to hear about him, I want to work on us, but I don't know how to tell her. She does have several girlfriends that probably know more than me, so whey does she have to tell me all of this stuff? If anybody can give me and advice, it would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks so much!
2006-08-15 07:45:25 · 11 answers · asked by just a guy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
P.S. They have been seperated for 6 months now and her divorce will be final in 3 weeks. It was not my plan but it just happened and I want to make the best of it!
2006-08-15 07:50:40 · update #1
Because of the state she lives in, after they split up, she moved 2.5 hours away for a job and to get away from her ex. She found out later that the state considers that abondament of her kids, so her ex has full custody, but she gets them every other weekend. I think that is a load of crap since she needs job to be with her kids, but that is the way it is for now. She also had to stop by his house last weekend to get the boys clothes and the ex wasn't there. She said it was the worst house in the world. Beer cans everywhere and dirty and smelly, but the courts say he is a better parent....I just don't get it....
2006-08-15 08:05:57 · update #2
I'm sorry, but I'm wondering how your girlfriend has the energy to even be involved with you while going through a divorce with two young boys.
You're her rebound. If I were you, I would break up with her and let her get her life together. You know that old saying, if you love someone let them go? IF they come back it was meant to be?
Leave her alone for a while.
2006-08-15 07:54:33 · answer #1 · answered by Bingo's Mommy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dealing with ex's can be a pain, but if she's only been seperated from him for 6 months she needs time to heal. She is talking to you because she feels comfortable with you and will probably ask for your opinion from time to time. Without knowing why they split up it's hard to determine how to help you. I know being divorced myself it helps to have a man that is open minding and willing to listen. Let her know that your there for her but also tell her that you want to work on your relationship and try to get her mind off the ex and what a jerk he is to you and to her. Time is a big factor in a relationship and communication as well!! Good luck and I hope that every thing works out for you!!!
2006-08-15 08:03:56 · answer #2 · answered by truckmama_34 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Break it off.
You don't need the stress and aggravation in your life. I don't care how good the sex is. I don't care how wonderful she is. If she does nothing but talk about her "soon-to-be-ex", there's a reason, and the reason is this: she hasn't let go of him yet. At least she hasn't entirely let go of him at this time.
When she is able to devote herself to you and your relationship, then consider taking things seriously. But until then, you will remain the d*** under glass (break open in case of emergency).
I'm not trying to be rude to you or anything. I'm just speaking from personal experience. I once dated a woman whose husband had died, and the sex was good, and her kids and I got along great, but she kept on and on and on about her dead husband. Finally, I had enough, and just told her that I'm not going to spend the rest of my life competing with a ghost to build a relationship with her.
If you are going to be in a relationship with someone, it needs to be you and the other person. Not you, the other person, and his/her exes. That's not a relationship, that's a tragedy waiting to happen!
2006-08-15 08:26:38 · answer #3 · answered by GottaGo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going through a divorce and I have three boys. I couldn't get that involved with anyone right now, first of all the kids need me now to help them get used to this new life, second, I'm trying to deal with that same issue for myself, how in the world do you expect this woman to have the energy to deal with kids, her ex, and you? She has to get to the point where she and her ex find some equal ground for the kids sake so she HAS to deal with that. I don't know really, I just think your so drained going through this, I for one, wouldn't be able to give anyone 100% right now.
2006-08-15 08:02:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know i am going through a divorce as well and i have three boys and i am dateing a man that has been divorced and has two lil boys and my x is like that to but i just blow him off because i have never felt the way i do with my man i really love him and want to continue doing everything as they are. but really if you are crazy over each other let it be in the past and look forward to the future its the best let the past be the past and the future be the future. Good Luck!
2006-08-15 07:56:27 · answer #5 · answered by oh how sweet 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you REALLY care about her...Be Patient..she is in a difficult situation.However..she needs to tell that ex where to get off!And if she REALLY cares about you..SHE WILL. Make a date with her so that you two have enough time to do some SERIOUS talking.You sound wise enough to know whether she is playing games or not.If you suspect she is not actually over her ex,then you should back off and let her come to you..if it is not too late by then.She needs to make a stand with her ex..When the divorce is final..she needs to inform him that she is seeing someone and tell him to "Back Off!" I wish you the best...Good Luck!
2006-08-15 08:14:57 · answer #6 · answered by mrssmokestack003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She wouldn't be getting a divorce if she was still interested in him.So that said, maybe she is just trying to let you know and be honest about what is going on with her ex. If it really bothers you so, then you need to tell her that you would rather not hear it. She probably wants your support in this matter.
2006-08-15 07:59:35 · answer #7 · answered by doglady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being divorced twice my self all I can tell you is that she needs support from you.. she also might be a bit afraid that things will go wrong with the two of you. Talk to her and let her cry on your shoulder..
2006-08-15 07:54:02 · answer #8 · answered by Ibdreamin099 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a relationship with a young woman getting a divorce. First, she talked about, then she started visiting him and before long she moved back with him. They remarried and then divorced again.
2006-08-15 07:56:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like this guy is being a pain in the bum. The more he pesters the more she will probably want as little to do with him as possible, so I would not worry.
Eventually he will get over her.
2006-08-15 07:54:14 · answer #10 · answered by Rich 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋