is this considered cheating?

Question

i have been married 6 years and have 2 beautiful children together.We fight alot and are sex life leaves something to be desired.In fact i just cant get into sex anymore.I am becoming very unhappy with our relationship im sad to say.I have tried everything to make this work but its not.I have been corresponding with someone online for a while now and we are very good friends we just chat on a daily basis thats it.There is no cyber sex or anything.I have never cheated.I know chatting isnt bad but why do i feel so guilty about this then.Can anyone help please

Answer 1

Well it all depends on what you're chatting about. I know you said you don't cyber, but there are things you could do worse than cybering. For instance if you chat with him about 'being with him' while you vent about your bland marriage. Especially if you talk in great detail about that. If you're just having friendly chat with him, then I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Answer 2

Its not considered cheating.........yet. The fact that you are looking to someone else for the attention you are not getting at home is the problem. You need to work on fixing your problems in your marriage as oposed to looking for an external outlet. There are such things as "emotional affairs" and depending on the content of what you and your "friend" discuss will determine if you are having one or not. Remember this. Just about anybody will look perfect when you are in a bad relationship so don't go thinking that this new guy is some knight in shining armor. The further you let this thing with the friend go the harder it will be to attempt to repair your marriage. You said that you have tried everything to make it work but you weren't specific as to what that was. One of the best ways to approach your spouse about the problems you are having is to do when neither of you are angry or in a bad mood. Try to create an atomsphere in which he doesn't feel like he is being attacked. Whether or not you think it or not I am sure he isn't very happy either and there are a few things he would like you to work on too. If you can create some sort of neutral atompshere and sit him down and tell him that you realize you both aren't happy, that you aren't perfect, and would like to know what you could do to change the current status of your relationship. Then ask him the give you the oppourtunity to do the same. Don't get all offended just listen. Breakdown of communication is one of the leading causes in marital problems and if you can establish some sort of way to talk to each other without either of you getting defensive about what the other says. Try to remember the things that initially drew you to each other and plan some activities that you did in the very beginning when things were good. Nobody really wants to have sex when they aren't happy. If you can get stuff out of the open, communicate what each of you wants/needs from each other then the sex will come naturally. Leave this online guy alone and work on your marriage. If you just can't work in out, leave the marriage, get some closer, and then move on. Its a lose lose situation for everyone involved if you continue talking to this other guy even if you think you are just "friends". Good luck.

Answer 3

Your at the "hurdle" in the relationship. I think every 5 years couples go through this to some degree. You seem to fight more about so many things big and small, your sex appeal for each other wanes to the point of boring.

If your relationship is strong and your love is true you'll get through this phase and you'll see that it wasn't all that bad.

As for the Internet chat...oh Hun your playing with dynamite. With what your feeling about your relationship right now it would be so easy to take an easy out with this "new" person that seems to understand you. Don't do it. To say your cheating isn't quite right but it's wrong any way you look at it. What your saying to the newbie should really be said to your spouse. What your feeling when your on-line chatting should be felt in your spouses presence.

Answer 4

If the friend is of the opposite sex, it is bordering on cheating. Chatting by default is interaction and can become explicit quickly.

I'd suggest seeing a marital therapist, and an individual therapist. You need to come clean with the guilt with a therapist.

Stop chatting, uninstall messenger or whatever chat program you use. 6 years with kids is a rough time for relationships, and coming from someone that has been down the rocky road of separation and divorce, if you have kids do everything you can to make it work.

Guilt is anger at yourself and at the condition of the relationship.

Answer 5

You are feeling bad because you are feeling more emotionally connected to your friend than you do your own husband. No you are not cheating, but it could easily get to that point if it continues. This person is probably making you feel more special than your husband has in a long time so one thing could lead to another. I know you've done a lot already, but have you sat and talked with your husband? You guys need to figure out what you want from the relationship and what you're willing to do to save it. If the steps aren't taken to repair what has been lost, one or both of you might do something you'll regret later.

Answer 6

In your own words: You've tried everything to make the relationship you're in work. You're very unhappy.

Obviously, you've considered leaving the relationship you're in but haven't left yet for one reason or another (the kids, money, don't believe in divorce, etc..)

I think you feel trapped by the situation you're in and chatting online is a way of connecting with someone and it gives you an outlet. But... You've been married for 6 years and loyalty to your family is important to you.

This is why you feel guilty - because the thing that's making you feel good doesn't involve your family. In fact, the thing that's making you feel good might involve you going behind your family's back.

Anyone would experience some degree of guilt in that situation.

But, to answer the question in the headline. No, I don't think you're cheating.

Answer 7

Your relationship is getting boring and you're not getting the same intimacy and attention from your husand that you used to.
Your new friend is giving you this closeness that you're missing in your relationship. That doesn't mean that you are in love with someone else or that your relationship is doomed - try a new approach. Talk to your husband, tell him you want to be closer again, or try set up something that brings you closer on an emotional level, maybe even talk online to your husband as if he were a stranger. The sex will follow with time, what's missing is intimacy. Be willing to fall in love all over again.

As for your friend, there is no need to lose that friendship, you could maybe even use it to help come up with ideas for fixing your relationship or troubleshooting how anything you try comes up with. There is also no need to take that relationship further, as long as you realise in your head and heart that it's just something lacking in your relationship (that CAN be fixed) that is making you feel like this.

Answer 8

If the gender of the other person isn't important, than you have nothing to
worry about.

If you fantasize about the other person, then yes, you have something to
worry about, but you haven't done anything wrong. You might, however,
be torturing yourself. That's probably a bad thing.

Do you love your husband? Is there any way that couples therapy might help?

If you are truly loveless and can never re-spark that love, then you should
consider divorce because for the children, the only thing worse than being
in a divorced household is being in a loveless household.

Answer 9

TRy to forget u'r online buddy. It might help a little bit to improve u'r family life, I think. Try to find out the probs. I'm sorry to say but actually it's kinda cheating with u'r husband. That's the reason u feel so guilty about it. Anywayz try to work it out. Good luck!!! U got two beautiful children and a loving husband. It's a gift from GOD. Don't throw these away for someone who is just may be interested in you just for sex. U didn't say any thing wrong about u'r husband. So, it's YOU who gotta find the reasons or make things work out. I wish you Good Luck from my heart !!!!

Answer 10

If u are talking to another man on line .does ur husband know?? and what are u and this other person talk about??Yes i would consider it cheating because ur stepping out of ur bounders in a marriage..try talking to ur husband more maybe gets some counseling maybe u should put some excitement in ur relationship .or is it just too late ..sorry hope everything works out 6 yrs is a while when u have two great kids