After having children, I am not happy with the way I look and am uncomfortable being intimate with my husband. Tried excersize and diet and even counseling, but still cannot get past this........
2006-08-15 06:49:40 · 10 answers · asked by Koozie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
After a 20 year marriage ended it took me 6 months to get my self-esteem back.
In my situation I was told repeatedly I was stupid and lazy and the only thing a man would want me for was sex (and a 1 night stand at that for I was lousy in bed), I had no taste in fashion (clothes, hair and make-up).
I got myself a job first off. I went and bought me some clothes that I liked. I didn't have a weight problem but was conscious of my body nude so I started walking and riding a bike to tone up. I have always had friends so I started going out with them more. I won't say I forced myself into anything, but I did mentally think day in and day out, about keeping busy with others and not keeping to myself. I found out little by little that I wasn't stupid for I could hold my own in the work place, and people commented me on my clothes and my looks (little things like, boy you look like a spring bouquet or your outfit really brightens up this place), I knew when I smiled and people smiled back I felt better so I lost the false smile that I'd worn to keep family and friends from knowing how miserable I was and really let the smile come natural. I laughed, something I'd forgotten how to do naturally, and I found myself telling little funnies to make others laugh too. But most of all I had to learn how to enjoy life again, not just exist in life. It took time.
2006-08-15 07:19:42 · answer #1 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, after having a baby there is a natural process of adaptation for everyone, I mean parents and the newborn. This process is not easy for any of the parts involved, I can tell you as a father and a psychologist, it takes time. Now, about you, maybe you gained some weight during the pregnancy and you don't feel the same person you were before, but, the first condition to "increase" your self-esteem is to accept you unconditionally. This means you must make an effort not to focus on your physical aspect (which is important) but on who you are now and what you do in life, what are your goals? in all areas, personal, professional, social, etc. It would be helpful if you can start doing something you always wanted to do, but you had no time or courage to do.Besides, you can ask your friends and relatives, what qualities can they find in you? Ask them, and tell them to be honest, no lies, OK!! You will find more than a surprise!! I'm sure of it, Good Luck!!
2006-08-15 14:05:28 · answer #2 · answered by Carlos I 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do something that you're proud of, and focus on the positive in your life. What are your interests? What kinds of hobbies do you have? Get really involved in something that is truly absorbing, something that doesn't leave you time to be self-conscious. It could be some kind of volunteer work or a new business based on a hobby you love.
You can find volunteer opportunities at http://www.volunteermatch.org/. Consider the Change Your Life Challenge as a jump-start (I'm doing it and I think it's great - URL is in my profile).
I may be way off, but something makes me think that you need to remember that you're a lot more than "just" a wife and mother. I'm sure you're great in those roles, and they're important - I'm the first to acknowledge that, having been a homeschooling SAHM for many years - but you're a lot more than any "just" can ever express!
2006-08-15 14:16:54 · answer #3 · answered by TechnoMom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's completely in your head. You need to start BELIEVING in yourself. You might also be suffering from post-partum depression. You might want to talk to your doctor and tell him how you've been feeling. He might prescribe you some medicine that will get you out of the hump you're in. Either that or find a support group of mothers that are in your situation. They should have things locally you could attend and it should help to have others to talk about it with as well as having others to encourage you. Also, talk to your husband. He may not be aware of how you are feeling, and he can't help if he doesn't know. Whatever you choose, though, try something....Feeling this way and not doing anything about it will only hurt yourself, your children and your marraige. Good luck!
2006-08-15 13:59:28 · answer #4 · answered by Brea1243 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to realize that the human body is just the vessel for the person. It's the person who counts not what's on the outside. My husband said that he's accepted his body so much that he's added to it.
We are all the same under the skin, people, in all different shapes and sizes. I wish you well. Until I became a nudist, I was the most insecure person on the earth. Nudism is about accepting yourself for who you are and not what you look like, own, or wear; de-stressing lessening anxiety, and getting back to innocense. It's a family-friendly, g-rated lifestyle. http://www.travelites.info/cheri.html might offer you some insight.
2006-08-15 13:57:31 · answer #5 · answered by CheriDonna 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no easy answer. Your low self-esteem issue is probably the end result of another issue that you might not even be aware of anymore.
In the end, you'll need to throw caution to the wind and learn to accept that you are who you are and that you're okay.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, thus don't sell yourself short.
2006-08-15 13:58:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Me too, fortunately I have a great husband that tells me how beautiful and sexy I am all the time, even when I don't feel it. Do your hair and make up and where a pair of heel to the grocery store, you'd be surprised how much better you feel.
2006-08-15 13:55:27 · answer #7 · answered by Tam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think positive, brain wash yourself that life is great and you are a live and happy!!! It works for me every day when I come to work.
2006-08-15 13:54:57 · answer #8 · answered by florie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband probably doesn't care, he just wants some!
2006-08-15 14:00:16 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have learned to start to pray for GOD to give me peace in my heart over this every thing,
and i have ask my LORD to show me the good in me and not to dwell in the things i can not change right now.and so i haft to learn to look deep in side of me and ask my self what i did today for me.
you haft to take what GOD have given to you and thank him for it,ask GOD to show you the good in your self to.
prayer changes things.
2006-08-15 13:59:21 · answer #10 · answered by DENISE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋