What would you do?

Question

well here i am just looking more to see if i did what some would consider a good thing or not and to see what others would do.

i have been married for 3 years, i have 2 boys, and im 23, I noticed my wife had been getting a lot of attention from other men, i was suspicious but never could get any concrete eveidence of something going on. anyway she had been in contact with a guy where we used to live for a while, but then I never heard any more about him, then another guy stepped in at some point in time and they had been doing a lot of talking on the phone and computer, when i would ask she would say it was, her brother or friend that she was talking to, a few months go by and come to find out they had been cheating, and she is now pregnant and its due this month, i gave her antoher chance, but she was talking to him again a month later, we are still together, and we are not 110% sure its his, but feelings are good.

should i continue to stay or should i go, or should i have went?

im sorry i ran out of words to put in, i cant say ive been the best husband in the world, i have my faults as well, i have been 100% faithful and will be until i leave her, if that time ever comes, she did start talking to him and lied to me about it that next month, but from what i understand that is done now, he wants nothing to do with the child unless he gets her as well, but thats another saga in its own, i just feel obligated now since i have given her the chances, but i know she still has his phone number, and he still has hers, and he calls and emails her a lot, but i just dont know, the closer it gets to the child being born the more feelings i get, its a damn scray situation.

the thing that holds me the most are my 2 boys they hold me more than anything else, i just dont know, im lost in a sea of emotions

thats y im here looking for opinions, and thoughts from others

Answer 1

Oh wow. Stay if you want but that is a tough one. If it is his yes she is going to talk to him especially if he is going to be involved. If not ask her to cut off ties to him if you are prepared to stand up and be the dad regardless of paternity.
Your call no one could fault you either way.

Answer 2

Well, seems you've decided to stay. I assume you love the woman, and maybe all will be well.

As someone close to a man who stayed and is still paying for that, many years and a nasty divorce and custody case later, PLEASE make sure you are protected. If she isn't already PLANNING to use you as a meal ticket, your wife won't object. If she is, it's better to know now than to be surprised later.

Have a paternity test done in the hospital and don't allow your name to be on that birth certificate unless the baby is proven to be yours. Arrange for this other guy to pay child support if the child is his. Yes, he'll get visitation, but otherwise you'll be saddled with taking care of this child no matter what happens between you and your wife in the future. If he can be proven to be an unfit father, that's great - support without the presence of the interloper in the family's life at all.

Definitely get some therapy with your wife, but talk to a lawyer, too (alone) about protecting yourself and your children. Call a lawyer today!

Good luck.

Answer 3

Well first you have to ask yourself this, could you accept this child as you own if it's actually the other guys? That will
be difficult not because of the child but because of the cheating and lies. You're the only one who can decide that, it is not the baby's fault, because they were irresponsible. If the baby turns out to be yours, then take
some time and look at the relationship you have and how
much you are willing to take, she's young and honestly it
will probably happen again. If the baby is his, then that's
gonna be a problem, because unless he gives up his rights
to the child, then you are gonna have to deal with him all the time and you simply don't know if she wants to let him go. You've got alot to think about and so does your wife.
It not only affects you and her lives but the lives of your
other children. Good Luck

Answer 4

You should go. Infidelity can be forgiven provided the cheating spouse and the victim make some life long changes. Some people deserve the second chance. However, the 3rd child situation just complicates matters. She was having unprotected sex without regard or respect for you and your body not to mention hers. It will be very difficult to continue the relationship with a reminder of the indiscretion. This new friend will now be apart of her life forever, if the child is his. If the child is not yours, leave now. If it is yours, then now you have 3 children and you have a tough decision.

Answer 5

Can't say you should've went 'cause that time has passed. But you should definately consider going if what I'm about to say wrinkles your brow. Maybe you guys can talk about having an open relationship, where you see other people either independently or together (as in swingers). Some folks get bored easily and no love you give will satisfy their appetite for something different.

If not, maybe you should come to terms with the fact that you and she may be in different areas of your life and require different things to remain content.

Answer 6

If the child ends up being this other man's child, then he will always be a part of your wife's life because he has a right to be a part of his child's life.
If this is the case, you have to ask yourself 1. can you handle having this man in your life and 2. do you trust your wife. If you answer no to either of these questions, then it's time to leave the relationship.

If the child ends up being your child, then your wife has no reason to still stay in contact with this man. In fact, if it was me, and I was giving my spouse a second chance she would have to sever ties with him completely (unless the child was his.) If she cannot do this for you or gets angry and doesn't understand why you would be uncomfortable with them having any sort of relationship, then I don't think she really loves you and you need to move on with your life.

Lastly, I do believe in second chances. I believe people can change; however, if she keeps lying to you, or keeps a relationship with this man outside of just because of their child together (if it is his) then I think she is probably only sorry because you found out and you should move on.

Answer 7

You are acting like a wuss. There is no way a woman will respect you if she knows you are a wuss and will let her get away with not just cheating on you, but having another mans baby and having you raise it. If you are going to stay, you need to get rid of the computer, or at a least tell her know that she has forfited any right of privacy on it, and can no longer Chat with anyone. Set some ground rule and stop letting her walk all over you.

Answer 8

Wow, my heart breaks for you. You've only been married for three years, but you have two boys.

Every marriage goes through rough patches, and what you've described sounds impossible to get past. But you can do it. Get a good counselor....someone with a good reputation and solid, unbiased advice. If you wanted to leave you would have a long time ago. Work together with a counselor, find out why your wife needs so much drama and attention and you both can do together to move on.

You sound like a sweetheart. Don't give up on her -- your family needs your efforts. Good luck!!

Answer 9

that sucks. put a kiddie monitor (not a filter) on the computer on the sly. The keylogger will capture everything, if you don't find anything suspicious drop and don't do anything more about. . It will monitor everything, you can check history files, save and print them. if you find something go to her with the evidence.

Save her C:\Documents and Settings\|Application Data\ Folder look through it or have a computer forensic person do it. I do forensics as part of my job when we terminate employees. It is pretty easy to check to see what a person does on their computer.

If the evidence points to her sleeping around, take it to a lawyer, take your kids and leave. File for divorce and custody. Request a paternity test when the child is born.

If there is no evidence of screwing around, drop it like a hot potato and see a counselor together..

Answer 10

How much will you be able to tolerate under the circumstances? If the baby turns out to be his it will need a father to love it as you love your two boys. Will you be able to love the baby as your own? Will you be able to forgive your wife of what she has done? Are you always going to throw it up in her face if you get in an arguement? Can you put it in the past? If there are to many no's to those questions then you might want to think about going but you have to make that decision.