i've translated them from my language , so maybe u don't understand them well :
And this delightful herb whose tender green
Fledges the river's Lip on which we lean -
Ah,lean upon it lightly ! for who knows
From what once lovely Lip it springs unseen
how about this ?
Why , if the soul can fling the dust aside,
And naked on the air of Heaven ride ,
Were't not a shame-were'it not a shame for him
In this clay carcass crippled to abide ?
2006-08-15 06:30:59 · 18 answers · asked by Roham 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
it reminds u of omar khayyam bc it is omar khayyam !!
2006-08-15 06:54:54 · update #1
I do not like it Roham I am.
I do not like it on this site.
I do not like it on my bike.
I do not like it Roham I am.
2006-08-15 06:37:26 · answer #1 · answered by newt_peabody 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Beautiful!
Very deep thinking.
Your translation is great, especially in this paragraph:
"Why , if the soul can fling the dust aside,
And naked on the air of Heaven ride ,
Were't not a shame-were'it not a shame for him
In this clay carcass crippled to abide ?"
Isn't this the eternal quest of mankind? I mean, the soul to be able to fling the "dust" - the material world, the body - and ride the air of HEAVEN?
Very nice poem, and a very nice translation. Good work.
2006-08-15 13:48:09 · answer #2 · answered by arabianbard 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good try. But you seem to be just flinging words here and there. Nobody is going to understand what you write if you fail to choose them more wisely. I also thing your words are being used out of context. And there is no flow to you poem or rhythm. And it lacks emotion. You also left out a beggining and end, you barely even have a middle.
I suggest you read a how to book on writing poetry. The more you learn the better you'll get.
Don't give up trying.
2006-08-15 13:46:28 · answer #3 · answered by jess_jessw 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it, I think it is beautiful. I get it.
Maybe you have to interpret it a little bit more. I get it because I have experience with hearing these kinds of poems and I can fill in between the lines to know what the correct translation would be.
My boyfriend's first language is not English and he always tries to translate poems for me, this is just like one he would have read to me.
2006-08-15 13:39:22 · answer #4 · answered by MissHealthPromoter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very nice -- reminds me of Omar Khayyam.
2006-08-15 13:43:45 · answer #5 · answered by yahoohoo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's okay, I just didn't get any mental pictures by reading it. You use descriptive words, but I still cannot piece it together. What is the theme or message you are trying to give?
2006-08-15 13:38:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The translation is fine. It all makes sense.
The poem is OK. Just didn't grab me.
2006-08-15 13:39:45 · answer #7 · answered by Dennis Fargo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Too high-tech for me! I don't even understand some words. Just make it plain and simple...oiyy
2006-08-15 13:35:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Interesting, but a bit too slow for me, you could also work on your imagery and your tone.
2006-08-15 13:41:34 · answer #9 · answered by The Dude 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
didnt even read the whole think because it started out with herb.
2006-08-15 13:35:03 · answer #10 · answered by Me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you used a proper translator program...
2006-08-15 13:35:17 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋