The Shame.....How do I get over it?

Question

I was doing very well for my self. Young (aged 20) and vibrant the future looked very bright – atleast I thought- for me. Between trying to juggle work and pleasing my bosses, friends and family (in that order) I let ball drop. Got fired from my job by the time I was 25, got addicted to drugs, lost my houses, and my car. (Oh and ofcourse friends went too!). I am trying to rebuild my life, have moved to a different city, after having tried to face the mess and work through it. Things are slowly going ok but my regret and guilt for acting so stupid seem bigger than anything does.
I have sobered up, got a job, and I am seeing someone. Also, try to keep myself busy by travelling, reading, gym etc. Three years later, I have not accepted that I messed up.
I know obviously should not be getting awards for ‘Best Daft Performance’. However, I am trying to move on and yet I think about this everyday. Everything looks so bleak. Anyone with similar or just experience please comments. No Clubs

Answer 1

What motivated you when you were twenty? You look at this like a loss--it's a challenge!

You seem like a goal oriented guy--make a new set of goals. Don't try to prove to anyone that you made a complete turnaround. You only have yourself to prove it to ultimately.

Answer 2

first of all hooray for overcoming your challenge, and notice I said challenge and not problem, consider this, fact most of the so called "successful" people you interact with from day to day including your past and present "friends" are locked in a constant battle with drug addiction but as fait would have it they just have the money and or recourses to get away with it unnoticed but that doesn't make them any better off, it actually makes their lives a constant living hell from which there is no escape, thank god you hit rock bottom with enough brain cells and resources left to be able to pick up the pieces. Now that you have reached thus far on your new up hill journey look back downhill and say “wow! Look how far I’ve come,” feel the pride wash over you that can ONLY come from doing something from scratch by yourself, and thank God for the strength to continue. The good news is when your back on top, unlike everyone around you who has either inherited their place in society or got it through luck, or through some other get rich quick scheme, you will be solid as a rock and not only that, where as everyone else is liable to fall for drugs, fashion, gold digging girls/guys or some other one of life’s many pit falls, you who would have come so far will be immune to such things. Also it is now your responsibility, having been granted this great and tremendous power, to help others to fight the fight as well and to catch your friends and family, with love and full understanding, when like you they too fall and fall they shall. That is life’s ongoing constant, even more dependable than the sun rising tomorrow, is the fact that "all fall." So cheer up you got a lot of work ahead of you, and you don’t got time to waste!

Answer 3

You have rebounded from the low and stay off it. You should be proud of it. But.....

I am interested to know what exactly have you done at the time you were wasting your live.

Did you do something that is really bad ? Was it something that can not be amended ?

Or Did you just hurt someone's feeling and let some one down ?
If it was something that just emotional let down, I believe that can be somewhat compensated. Go back and face the devil! Go back and apologize to the people you have hurt. That is something you should be. Whether they forgive you or not, you should go back and tell them you're sorry.

But if what you did was something that is horrific and indespicabe, I don't know what to say. That is really up to you to pay for your action whether you meant it or not.

Bottom line is that, be a man, face the devil and face the consequences. Yes you are a changed man but you have left a bagage on you. Deal with it and then move it. Til then you will always live with guilt and shame.

good luck!

Answer 4

Don't be so hard on yourself. To err is human. Look at those years as a learning experience. It is that which made you the person you are today. Just always remember with faced with that in the future, what you had to go through to get clean and get your self respect back. Get on with the future, as it is much brighter and always remember what the past cost. And consider yourself wiser for the experience and lucky to have lived to learn from your mistakes,

Answer 5

The more you try to forget it, the more it flashes back to you. It just won't go away. I suggest for you to do the following:

1) Try convincing yourself that it's all in the past now so forgive yourself already.
2) Do the other way around -- write the things that keep coming back to you and read them again and again. You can even correct what you've written as often as you want. That way, you will not have to worry about those things from coming back because you're reminding yourself already. But what you actually don't realize, you're annoying yourself about it so you just might decide to throw them away. In other words, you wouldn't have to worry about it from coming back because you're already tired of them. Like applying reverse-psychology at your very own self. lol.

Answer 6

I know many in your shoes know one guy there right now. He finally came home, got job faced family and is having to prove he has changed.
One: they were not your friends or you would not have been where you were.
two: your family loves you but you have to earn their trust. Sounds like you are doing that.
Three: counseling or AA would be good to help keep you there excellent support group. Support very important.
Biggest Step is saying I messed up and coping and turning it around. Those who love you never quit. Those whose lost faith, trust.. will gain again once you prove yourself. Can't blame them can you.
Sounds like your in the right direction, CONGRATULATIONS!
Been there just didn't leave town.

Answer 7

hey,

as u say that u go on at ur life and know u try to rebuilt urself and ur future again so why to feel sham?!

everybody may make mistakes, with out mistakes we can't learn. the most important thing that u r trying to correct ur bad deeds. so u haven't to feel sham,u must be proud bcoz u realize that u were at the wrong way, u must be proud bcoz u realize that before it is toooooooooooo late.

Answer 8

try until you find the right set of people / system or else create your own. Never stop exploration there is right place for everyone

Answer 9

You have to forgive yourself first. Everyone else's opinions are not as critical as your own. Hold your head up high and say, "WHEW!!! I have seen the downside of my world and I am working hard to keep it right side up." Everyone makes mistakes. Best wishes to you...............

Answer 10

you never get over it...
you are reminded ....
but thats ok...
it gives you perspective on where your at right now
so hopefully you will keep the focus with the future ........
sorry i couldnt give a better answer...