How do you build up self-esteem when it wasn't ever there in the first place?

Question

I've always felt bad about myself, inside and out (mostly out). I guess this is a fairly common question, but I don't know if there's anything out there that will help me. I saw something about writing, "I'm beautiful." on a post-it note and saying it to yourself and believing in it, but it's embarassing in my opinion because I KNOW it isn't true.

I don't think I have the slightest bit of self confidence, and I'd like to change, but I feel it's impossible... Thoughts and suggestions are welcome. :)

I thought I would go ahead and post this message in hopes that it would help others out there with self-esteem problems. :) Enjoy, guys.

Well, see, that's the problem. I cannot find ANY 'pros', so the cons would definitely win the game in this match. /:

Answer 1

You don't say how old you are.

How do you know you aren't pretty on the outside? Has someone told you? Unless you are horribly disfigured, or obese, I'd venture to say, you are no where near as bad as you see yourself.

Make sure that you apply makeup correctly, that your hair is in good condition & right for your shape face & frame. Dress neatly, not necessarily fashionably.
Develop good conversational skills, know a bit what's going on in the world, learn good social skills, be well-mannered, nice, friendly. Learn a hobby or some other thing you find interesting. And smile. These will give you the confidence you need.

Men will find you VERY attractive for what you are, not for just the wrapping.

There are many good self-help books available. Look in your library. You may want to get a counselor to help you.

Answer 2

Hi sorry I didn't reply to your other question. Having good self esteeem can make your life so much more fun. Here's how to get it.

Steps
Don't hang around anyone that insults you or makes you feel bad about yourself ever.

Don't insult yourself or open yourself up to insults

Don't play "how pretty am I" out of ten with your friends; it leads down a bad road.

Don't watch too many shows like the OC or movies like Bring it on because although they're fun shows to watch they will make you feel crap about yourself because everyone in those movies and shows are beautiful and have perfect lives and this is not reality.

Be careful about relationships. For example, don't ask out a boy/girl who you barely know and that your only asking out because your bored.

Feel free to pamper yourself and spend money on yourself.

Do lots of things that you're good at.

Make as many friends as possible.

Don't watch too many fairy tales.

Tips
Creative things like music and art can help self esteem.

Don't ****** or gossip about people.

Don't sell yourself short.

Don't do anything you're not comfortable with.

Be yourself.

Wear clothes to flatter, not hide. If you have a big bust, layer tanks. If you have a curvy tummy, wear floaty camis. If you have nice legs then show them off! Wear cute skirts and crooped pants! Main thing, dress like you love your body!

If you look good, you'll feel good! This doesn't mean changing everything about your appearance, but making sure you're groomed (hair, face, teeth, skin) and looking your best can go a long way.

Warnings
Self esteem has to come from within yourself - so don't go on a diet or get a boyfriend/girlfriend to try and improve your self esteem because it won't.

GOOD LUCK :)

Answer 3

1.) you could start exercising, even if you don't want to go to a gym, you could run every day so far and push yourself to go farther each day in the same time period. You might start feeling good after awhile when you see you keep getting better and better, and exercise gives people natural endorphines that make you feel good inside.

2.) you could volunteer with elderly, or with homeless, or at a church function. Usually these people are so happy to have help, and they are so thankful, that it will give you a little boost each time someone tells you "thanks," and when they ask you to come back again.

3.) You could volunteer at a library or school or somewhere where you would talk to or read to little children. I think children always make me feel the best about myself. On days when I feel the worst about myself, a little kid ALWAYS cheers me up because they usually will naturally compliment you. They will tell you they like your shirt (especially if you wear a cartoon shirt) or they find something else they like, "I like your glasses, your shoes...your bag. etc."
I taught 4-7 year olds for two weeks and every day I got at least one compliment. It might not be the biggest boost, but little kids are always genuine and you know they are telling you the truth.

4.) Make a list of all of the things you feel you are good at or that you like about yourself. Not everything is about looks, (even though I'm sure you are cute), and even if you don't think you are cute or beautiful, you have value as a person in other things you are good in.

5.) The last thing you could do costs you money.
You could go to a store and have them give you a makeup makeover and then go to a hair salon and ask to have an appointment with the busiest hairstylist and have her do something cute to your hair. Then go to a store and pick out a cute outfit you like that you feel comfortable in, and that you think you look cute in. Pampering yourself sometimes really can help too.

Answer 4

We are our hardest critic when it comes to saying something nice about our self. Think of some nice things that people have said about you. People we know see things in us that we might not have noticed before.
I don't think telling something over and over to yourself will make you believe it. But maybe try writing down some things you feel good about. Like maybe you play sports and your really great at them? Maybe your a great artist or singer? When you start to realize the little things that are great about yourself it will help lift your self esteem and then you can hopefully start realizing the things you might have never thought about.
Also don't say you know negative things about yourself are true. Beauty, talents, and smarts comes in all forms. Just because YOU may not consider yourself to be the best at these doesn't mean your not.

Answer 5

I have had self-esteem issues from the 3rd grade straight thru to high school senior. It is rough and harder to deal with when you do not know anyone else to share your true feelings with. It wasnt until July 4, 1988 that I came out of my shell. I hate a boyfriend that treated me like sh*t (I was just happy to have one) and his cousin fed me some alcohol and I just broke out of my shell that day. I told him off sooo bad he cried in front of his family. I didnt care and I couldnt help myself but the point I'm making is not to drink I'm saying it may take an event to come along and bring the best out of you. Something may have to happen in which you see the light and see what you really are and see that your bigger then you ever thought. I took back some much needed power on that date in 1988 and I am greatful for the alcohol which aided me in my coming out phase. Gaining self-esteem is not a "learned behavior' ....its a have or a haven't and unfortunately you dont know when you will have it but I am confident that you will have it one day. G' luck!

Answer 6

No matter what you may think there is always someone out there thinking about you.The person that you least expect may be thinking about you this very minute.You may not think you have outer beauty but you do.Since I was 10 years old I was overweight and kids picked on me but each day befor I went to school my mother always reminded me how pretty I was to her and my family.It still hurt to this day how mean those kids were but I know that I was loved by that one person and that was all the love I needed.When I lost the weight all those kids that picked on my tell me how pretty I am now

Answer 7

Hang with people who like you for being you.

On the post it note theme try this.
On your door that you use most frequently to get in or out of your house place a note or that says " Go Confidently"

Answer 8

I have the same problem and I don't know how to help you. I'm sorry. I think everyone is better than me, like I cannot fit into everyone's standards. I am not worthy enough to be friends with anyone.
Good luck with your problem.

Answer 9

Try writing down your pros and cons. Be proud of your pros and try your best to change your cons into pros. You still with me? I've learned to build up my confidence by just saying to myself "f*ck it!"

Answer 10

if your self esteem is that bad the only thing that can help you is giving from yourself=helping others. maybe working with special kids or elderly people it's so rewarding