Can you really be happy marrying someone who's poor?

Question

I'm about to marry my boyfriend of 3 years who I am totally in love with and I can't imagine living without. However, ever since we started living together a year ago, we've had money problems. I have a decent steady income, but he's a waiter and artist and makes a very low salary. He also has a number of debts and unpaid bills which make our lives difficult. Because of them, we've never really had enough money to take a vacation and we never do things like go out to eat at a nice restaurant or splurge on new clothes, as much as we both would like to. Our financial situation depresses both us and I am worried that in the future it will begin to tear us apart. I want to make it work because he gives me the emotional support I need, if not the financial suport. Can love be enough to make a marriage work? And please, if you've never had to worry about money, do not send me condescending messages that I am not in love if money is an issue.

Answer 1

Good question. This is hard only because the pressures of our American society dictate a false image of life and money. Somehow riches are equivalent to happiness. This is a totally false concept.
I guess one has to decide what to have and what to do without. What can you do without? What do you want? What is important to you? Is it love? Or is it keeping up with your neighbours? Which is it, only you know.
Where problems arise, is when one has changed direction. In other words, you have been together for 3 years, then you decide, hey, I think I want to more STUFF! This STUFF is more important then maintaining your household, and your current living condition, so then you must decide STUFF or MATE, hmmm...
Conclusion is yours to make. Depends on which you want moreso.
Good Luck!

Answer 2

My wife and I have the same money straining issues. She is a stay at home mom b/c we have 3 children and I only make $25,000 a year. We live on NOTHING. We are able to barely pay the bills and keep food in the house but I make it happen. Im an excellent budget maker so I work it all out. The money problems do stress us out and we cant ever go buy ANYTHING, wewther we need it or not, but it does not and will never get to the point of debating wether we stay together or not, We love each other unconditionally. The fact that we are broke and poor doesnt change our love. Because being able to come home to her and my kids makes being poor not so hard to deal with. PLEASE dont listen to all these people who are telling you different and saying that money is a key part of a marriage. That is such B U L L S H I T! I got married making less then I am now, and like I said, even though it is stressful, it is NOT a make it or break it factor. I know from personal experience. If you want more info, email me.

Answer 3

There is an old saying in my country:

Whomever wants to get married should have a house, a basket and money to fill up the basket with groceries.

Secure and steady finances are key into a marriage. If you don't have that then you will always have problems. Not supringly, financial problems is the top cause of divorce nowadays.

Yeah, sure, a tragic empoviresh artist sounds atractive, buy honey, let's get real, love doesn't pay the bills and you cannot fry love for breakfast, the credit card would not accept kisses for payment either.

Be practical. As nice and loving as he is, he is definetly not marriage material.

Good luck

Answer 4

This is a tough one because I went through the same thing. I'm the one without the savings account, the debts (prior to marriage, hospital bills). It is very hard to handle a relationship this way and you should be careful if you really want to be together.

My husband and I have been together for 5 1/2 years and married for 2 1/2 years. We struggle and have money discussions but we both try very hard not to argue over it because it is not worth it. I'm trying to do my part now; I have started to get rid of my debts (in small increments) and started a savings account ($25.00 per paycheck). This way it doesn't hurt my pocket.

You both have to sit down and really discuss this, without communication a relationship will never work. We did not understand that at first but we are learning as we go. Also, I have been learning about finances so that I can better manage my money. It's kinda working, it's a little harder on us to deal with this issue because my husband is stingy (he is getting better).

He is gonna have to make a committment to you that he will get rid of these bills because they do affect you BOTH after you are married. Also, be patient, comprehensive and supportive, it does seem to ease the tention a lot. Marriage, in my opinion, is all about love, communication, committment, patience, comprehension, and support. If you both love each other unconditionally, and are willing to go the distance as one, then you have a 98% chance of having a healthy marriage.

Congratulations on your engagement and good luck. I'll be praying for you. I hope this helps.

Answer 5

At first I remember my wife and I have money plm.. and she went to college for 6 years full time student when I was working 2 jobs to support my wife.. and later she got a good job and now she going for PH d and I wanted to go to college and make more money too. It about people don't want to live poor and want to give best for their family then one of us had to go to college that is my wife and soon when she finished phd and I think that I will be 40 years old by the time five years later going to college smiling.

Yeah money is really really pain the butts. But we love eachother so much and knowing that anything happen lost everything we will not be happy and not think about how lucky we have eachother. and we already have kids money in savings over 2,000 each and I already have my own account and so my wife and we have other bank where only to pay for bills, gas, stuff like that. And it really helps.

Yeah my wife was worried money plm will tear us apart but she said clearly one of us had to go to college and make it happen and She did and I will do the same thing after she gets her Ph'd and I am proud of her. it hard work .... not easy for me last 6 years working 2 job only one day off on sat.

We love eachother and we do what ever we can do. We always talked about I want to give family something they have that We never had back then. smiling. so I am greatful and start finding to sav emoney and pay off the bills and start somethign new. and if he didn't want to do that then how in the world one person wont support and other do support? ummm. I wonder about that everyday.

Answer 6

I'm no expert girl, but you both have to agree on a strategy to fix the financial debts before getting married. Forget the fact that he has a low income. If you both live within your means, that's managable in a relationship. But bringing in debts before the marriage sets is a bad, bad thing.

So agree on a strategy on clearing the debts before you marry. two things break marriages up. Infidelity and Money. Anything else can be worked out...

Answer 7

I have been married and poor and divorced and poor. The problems are the same - how to get enough money to pay the bills. It wears away at you and makes you sick.

At least if you are married and poor you have someone to help you through. You have your love for each other, and hope for the future.

Can it tear you apart? Yes, it can. You have got to be honest with each other about how you feel. And you must work together on cutting your spending to work at paying off some of those bills. Your bf may have to actually put his art to the side and find a better paying job until his bills are paid. They are his responsibility anyway.

Answer 8

Yes you can. I know where your coming from. :) Me and my boyfriend never really have money to do much of anything just pay the car payment and insurance and the bills we need to pay. Never money to go out and eat or do anything. So i know where ur coming from. Its okay everything will work out. If u love each other you will make it through anything. Yes Love Can be enough to make a marriage work. It might be hard at times because u don't have the money to get out or what not. But im sure that everything will work out for ya. If u have to just put back money to go out once a week. Or something like that. Best of luck to ya:)

Answer 9

First of all, let me tell you, you and your boyfriend are so normal. The number one thing that most married couples fight about is: Money. A lot of this is because we don't really buy things, we buy feelings that we get from those things, and those feelings can become very personal.

Yes, you can be happy being poor together, when my husband and I were first married we had only card tables and air mattresses for furniture, and the funny thing is, whenever we think about those times, we're smiling. We're not in that situation now, and chances are, you're young, and really won't be in that situation for long either. The truth is, those first few years of struggling together to carve out a life for ourselves really had a powerful bonding effect in our relationship. It's been wonderful for our marriage.

Still, it's very wise for you to be concerned about this, there are some great books out there on sharing a checkbook, and a happy marriage. I suggest going to your local library and looking up a few of them. They can help you learn how to budget together, get out of debt, and how to "argue" about money in way that doesn't hurt your marriage.

Best wishes!

Answer 10

At first when I got to know my husband, we earn very less. We just have enough money for food and daily use. We never go for vacation or eat at restaurant. But I never seems to mind, because I always believe that money can't buy happiness. But since few years ago, he got a good job and got high pay. He been different, he buying computers, handphone and spend a lot of money on himself. And last year I found out that he been having affair with a divorced woman whom he know thru chatline. Because of he is having money to spend, he got the guts to have affair with his new woman. And even going vacation with this woman. I just wanted to tell you that money can change a person. I rather poor than having a unfaithfull husband.