How do you say goodbye?

Question

I have conteplated for a while now on leaving my husband, I made my desicion and I feel it is for the right. Yet I can not get over the painful thought of our seperation I need more from life although I have explained this to him at length, he ignores my needs. I feel guilty and selfish, but I don't know if that's right, I left my parents house and met him ended up building a relationship but he is too set in his ways and I am not waiting for him to change because he won't. Basically I love him but I need more out life, I have a hungry heart.

Answer 1

If you have already explained how you feel and he is not willing to work together to fix things, then you have no other option but to leave. Set a date to move out. Start making any arrangements you can. Let him know what you are doing and why. Give him the chance to see you are very serious. He may not think you will do it.

Answer 2

I'm a guy, but in the same situation with my wife. We have always argued and none of us are going to change to fit the others criteria. We have said before that we were going to get help, I even made the calls and arranged the meeting, but she didn't want to, telling me that she thought it was wrong to involve outsiders in our lives. We plugged along for another couple of years, but the same happened again and again. The last time was a few months back and that time I left the ball in her court, I told her she was the one to arrange the help, that she had to take some responsibility, but it never happened. It was then that I finally realised that we must go our separate ways if we are to find the happiness that we both deserve. All I'm saying is that you have to try and salvage things before you let go, if you think you've done all you can, well, the only option really is ... go! It will be painful and a big change, but no pain, no gain, right?

Answer 3

What exactly is your heart hungry for that will make you leave the man you claim to love? This bothers me. Like you wish to school, develop a career, do a business, etc?

If your desires are legitimate in the context of marriage, you can stay with your hubby & still achieve them. Marriage is supposed to be a constant challenge because it's a deal between two different individuals, so the key that makes it last is compromise for the sake of love. Most times you need to pass your request to your partner in a very convincing way. It's like a selling skill - emphasizing the benefits of your plan & adequately dealing with possible objections. Also remember two heads are often better than one. With the support of your hubby, achieving your life ambition could be less stressful. But you have to earn the support.

Well if you're convinced your decision is wise, the earlier you leave the poor man the earlier he can put his life together & move on.

I pray you make the right choice.

Answer 4

When people separate it is a very emotionally trying situation. However, If you are a sure that this is what you want...... then time will help you get over the past. If he is not willing to work on the relationship and you feel he is holding you back, staying will only lead to more resentment. Maybe facing the separation will give him a reality check and you may work things out down the road. Good luck.

Answer 5

If you feel you need more out of life, you definitely need to communicate this need to him, otherwise you'll end up holding over his head forever. Tell him you need more than what he is giving you, and either he can listen to that and grow in your relationship, or he can choose to not listen, and leave your relationship behind. If you have communicated this to him efficiently, then he will understand the ultimatum and have to make a choice. If you are already dead set on leaving him, let him know by telling him gently. If he still does not change his ways, pack your things and leave him. You should not feel guilty about not getting what you want out of life. After all, we only live once. Take your life and do with it as you please.

Answer 6

If you feel you have honestly tried and no matter what your husband is insistent upon continuing to live his life in this manner and it is not something you can abide then just tell him... that you have grown apart... you have tried to appeal to him to comprise to make your marriage work and he is unwilling or unable to do so and you need and want more for you life.. and then walk away... that is what I am doing the end of this year.. it is hard but I feel that it is the right decision... in your heart you know if the marriage is salvageable... I knew.. and my heart told me that we are two very different people moving in completely different directions in life... good luck!!!!

Answer 7

First of all, you should probably sit down with him when you both have time and talk about your needs. Let him know how you feel. You are hurting now, but divorce hurts more in the long run. Don't let it be a way out. The divorce rate is too high anyway.

Answer 8

If you've tried talking to him and he ignores you, why dont you try separating for a while and see how each of you respond to that. Maybe once you are separated, you will understand why the relationship is better off in separate ways, or trying to work things out.

Just because he is set in his ways, does not mean you have to settle for less. Love is a tricky thing, but you shouldnt be unhappy because you are trying to please your partner. Maybe you guys do love eachother, but are happier as friends, or who knows you might learn that you actually do need him in your life and you are willing to compromise certain things to reach that happiness.

Answer 9

I know that there is alot of detail you are leaving out of this story. I am unable to give you the right advice because of this. I know you have your reasons for feeling the need to leave your husband. It is hard to do that after being together for so long. I had to separate from my husband because he was going downhill in his life and I was afraid that he was going to take me with him. So if you want to talk more about your situation, feel free to email me. [e-mail].

Answer 10

I understand very well what you are saying, I've felt that way myself sometimes. But make sure that it is something you really want to do. You don't want to throw away something that is good, for something unknown. The grass is not always greener. If you want to talk about this some more, please feel free to email me and I'll be more than happy to discuss it with you.