should i run from this person?

Question

i have been dating this women for about a year, she and i have been married before and went through similiar stuff, we seemed to have clicked right away a " story book" tale. We fell in love and plan to marry sometime this year. A co-worker of hers ( mutal friend) told me she heard rumors and felt I should know them. she told me that this person was texting and spending a lot of time on the phone with someone , so this person asked around the office and a few people said "yes" they knew it, but didn't say anthing. me and this person lives together so i found the phone bill and to my shockness found that this was true. It had been going on since feb and stopped in jun i think, but any way i confronted my gf and she denied it and a fews days later i asked again and then she said ( i told her i knew for a fact) she said yes but it was nothing seriuos and that she has never met that person she was texting and calling, the time linewas about 3mths. i hind this hard to believe ... help!!!!!!

Answer 1

this looks like a case of her wanting male attention, and not just from you. a lot of girls flirt with guys even when they are married because they need male attention to make themselves feel special. you need to either tell her to stop doing that, seek counseling, or leave her. if she is lying to you, it's probably about something she thinks you will either flip out over, or something that she is actually trying to keep from you, and keeping secrets from each other, especially about seeing other people, is not a good sign for a healthy relationship.

Answer 2

Well, I hate to say this but I agree with you. If she lied about the text messaging, etc..then what would keep her from lying about whether she has met him or not? I think people hide things for all different reasons..sometimes it is to protect others...sometimes to protect themselves..sometimes both.

Had the two of you been having problems? Think back and be honest with yourself about what was going on. Was she more distant...had you been getting in more arguments..etc. Perhaps this is something the two of you can fix, but I would suggest couples therapy because trust is hard to get back and if she isn't honest with you now..how on earth is it going to be if you were to marry? Think long and hard on this one.

There is one other thing I would like to throw at you...I guess it is possible she met this other man online. That would explain why she never met him. Just a possibility.

I am wondering if maybe she did this on purpose...she knew you would see the phone bill eventually. Sometimes people want to get caught...or so I have heard. If the two of you were having problems..it could be a cry for help on her part. Yesss, I know..she could have certainly picked a way better way than to find some other man to talk to. I'm sorry this happened..sounds like you really care for her. Try the therapy...it really does help. My husband and I have been in therapy a couple of times and our marriage is stronger than ever now. Good luck!

Answer 3

You already know if you don't have trust in a relationship. You have nothing. If this co-worker hadn't made you wise to what was going on. Would you have figured it out someday? Or was your gf so could at being deceitful you were completely clueless.
That's what hurts the most. Is when you think things are fine. To find out you were being deceived.
I question you. If she was so good at keeping this secret for so long. What other secrets could she be keeping. And in the future if she's doing something harmful to the relationship. How are you going to be able to tell.
This is where the trust being broken destroys a relationship because these questions( I know you've already ask yourself) will keep running through your mind. Doubts always creeping in. Ask yourself if that's what you want for the future.
The friend I will say is brave. I tried to warn a stranger about someone, to save her some hurt. It turned out very ugly. Kudos to her for stepping forward. But you were smart to investigate further.

Answer 4

if u can't trust her.. Don't get married. there's nothing wrong w/ waiting until you are 100% in Trust, in Love, in Respect, in Honor with this person...and u NEED the same thing from ur partner! if not, then u are in for disaster.

marriage is something that *should* be SO SURE. you should be confident, healthy, and happy that this relationship can weather any storm. ur not getting married so that she will remain faithful. u are getting married because you KNOW she WILL be faithful. it's that much trust u have in that person. marriage should be something where you are now FREE to give and receive love as much as possible, no fear of rejection, no fear of hurt, no fear of incompatability, no fear of anything. because u have to know if this person will go thru thick and thin with you. then, and only then, will the marriage work and be healthy and grow. marriage takes work. but it's a sense of Achievement and Honor to work with this person on a committed relationship. it's not a Ball and Chain, someone u are tying to you because u don't trust them, ur keeping an eye on them. nope..that's not it. if u are unsure, don't do anything that will cause more pain later. love is the foundation for the relationship, but to keep Building on it, u have to be able to use that love to continue on. and if one person doesn't know how, or doesn't want to learn, then the relationship sours. not because there is no love, but because there's not enough work, not enough committment. get married when u KNOW this person is going to be there for u and satisfy all ur needs and wants, because u are trying to do the same for that person. it is worth waiting for, and searching for.... good luck.

Answer 5

I would be skeptical about only talking and not meeting. If this was going on for 3 months there is more to it than a simple conversation.

I would not be able to trust this person. Once bitten - twice shy. She knows what you have been through and knows you cannot be with someone you cannot trust. She is showing no respect for you or your feelings.

Please think long and hard before you marry this person. I don't think I could even live with someone again after that.

Answer 6

If you are questioning her loyalty then yes you should think about marrying her, period! But if she's texting and calling this person, how did they meet? Or how did they get connected if they never met? Maybe she is not ready to jump back on the wedding wagon and she's trying to find out in her own way, if she should go forward with you.

My honest opinion, is for you to really think if you want this type of childish drama in your marriage, and if you really think if she's the one for you. Then, maybe you should sit down and talk to her openly... but be on the look out that if she's already lying about things that aren't important, imagine when she really meets someone in person...is she going to be able to hold herself back from being unfaithful?

Answer 7

well here ya go, in my personal experience, (my wife) was doing the same thing, with several different ppl, so no big deal, then i come to find out that she had been cheating on me for about 3 months, we have worked things out and are still together, but she is due to have a baby this month, and timeline shows that this child could be mine, but i believe the chances are better that it is the other guys, so you gotta look at the trust thing, i over trusted mine and im gonna be daddy to a child thats most likely not mine, so trust me its not an easy thing to live with, but this is just my experience, everyone is different, good luck either way

Answer 8

You should find out the relationship between them also find out how this person is tell you use her phone and text him to let them met and you go with her and find out what they have been doing if it is serious dump her if it is not punish her for a while then you forgive her.

Answer 9

You know, that has been one of my main concerns meeting guys on the dating services. Will they stop when the two of you get serious............? I'm not saying that is your case, however, if she is investing time in this other man it doesn't sound as though she would be faithful after marriage since she is not faithful now.

Answer 10

If you always do what you always did you always get what you always got. And Besides, does the person who told you have a vested interest in the two of you breaking up. like a crush on you or your woman.You always have to question the motives of other people.