We are in a constant battle on money (she is). I feel that the great State of Texas only helps the custodial parent and make the non-custodial look like crap. I'm going to admit, I have told her pretty nasty things and it hurt me saying them to her but she needs to undersatnd that I have feelings too. I'm about to get married with a wonderful person and I feel that this ordeal is affecting my current relationship. I fell like if she does not want me to be happy. I have accepted her way of "life", but not to be around my daughter's eyes. I DONT WANT TO DEAL WITH HER IN ANY WAY!!! All I want is to see my daughter and pay what has to be paid. I believe what goes around comes around. What do you all think?
2006-08-15 05:02:50 · 9 answers · asked by rick 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i think you guys are both going to miss out on soo much if you guys don't learn to get along ALL the time.. both of you need to grow up!!
2006-08-15 05:08:05 · answer #1 · answered by ♥cutemamma♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you continue to let this bother you, you will never find peace. She upsets you and she knows it and you are letting her. So she knows she can manipulate you, and keep on punishing you using your child as bait... and is ruining your relationship.
Your ex is on a roll because you are moving on and about to get married and she can;t stand it.. so she will do her best to try to ruin it, make you feel bad and guildty, try to pick on fights etc... just so you get upset.
The good news is..... that you don't have to. You take it because you are used to it and because you are affarid that she will not let you see your daughter. The good news is that you have a visitation agreement and if you pay your child suppoprt then you don't have to deal with her crap ANYMORE.
Do it for you, your daugther and your fiance. Stop kicking the dead dog. Is over and keeping on battling is not helping anyone. Minimize the phone calls between the two of you and make it strictly bussiness, just about your daughter and that's it. If she starts with the BS then you say, I gotta go and then hung up. Then she will realize that she cannot control you and manipulate you anymore because you have CUT the strings.
She is doingit because you are letting her. Next time you tal let her know in a calm voice that their conversations should be limited about your dauther and that you are not interested in discussing anything else than that and that if she owuld like anything legal wise, then she should contact yoru attorney. Tell her taht for the sake of teh child, you would like to remain in amicableterms and keep on a bussiness like contact and that's it.
You have to do this for your sanity and for your soon-to-be wife. Tolerance has a limit and you have been more than patient. You sound pretty reasonable and you are doing good by burying the axe for good. next time she starts a fight tell her that you have to go and cut her off anytime she tries to pick on something.
Good luck to you
2006-08-15 12:21:51 · answer #2 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
PUT YOUR CHILD FIRST!
Do not model spiteful or hateful behavior. Be the hero. Take the high road. Make extra effort to at least get along with your ex. Even if she doesn't make an effort. She will be the one looking bad. Accept her way of life. You can do nothing about it. You can't choose for anyone, how they should live. Yes, she wants you to suffer because she is suffering. Get back at her by not letting her destroy you, and live well and happy. She will hate that. Forgive her for her shortcomings, she can't help it. Be grateful that she is someone else's problem now. thank her for teaching you what types of women to avoid, and giving you a newfound wisdom from your experience with her. Let her choose to hang on to the hate and spite. Let it eat her up, but don't take any responsibility for her feelings. She may hold you responsible for how she feels, but in all honesty, that's her job. No one else wants the responsibility of her feelings (or happiness) anyway.
Yes, I do believe in karma. Never talk negatively about your ex to your daughter. If your ex comes up in conversation, simply dismiss the subject with a "that is her choice".
2006-08-15 12:18:13 · answer #3 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say whether you were married to your ex when she gave birth to your daughter. Sounds like you were not, which presents a big problem for the three of you and future wife and children. Just love your daughter and explain your mistakes. Be honest with her and that it was not her fault if she was born out-of-wedlock. Being a bastard is not bad if the biological parents show great love for their child even if it was a mistake.
2006-08-15 12:21:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Accept the courts decision on money. Let her complain to them, not you. If she tries to start a conversation about money, ignore her or hang up the phone. She has a vehicle to pursue money, it's called spend her money in court all the time.
2. DO NOT TALK TO HER - best advice my lawyer ever gave me. Do not answer her calls, return messages, reply to e-mails, nothing. Unless it is about your daughter being sick, hurt, or anything else you deem requires a call back.
If you don't shut her out of your life there is a good chance it will ruin your current relationship.
2006-08-15 14:17:30 · answer #5 · answered by Carp 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah I'm going throughthe same thing where I am. I can't stand my son's mother and all she does is bad mouth me in front of my son. He tells her that he doesn't want to hear it and she gets upset. When she does call me afterwards I need a DRINK! We have joint custody but she's still a b*i*t*c*h. Just keep seeing your daughter when you can and things will work and don't let her talk to your fiancee. Mine talked to my ex and my marriage went down the tubes after that. Just do what you have to do.
2006-08-15 12:10:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
AlMighty Oz, take a look here ... read ALL of it and print it out for your ex.
Both of you need to work it out... Someone's got to give in and stay calm and talk it out. (No... not scream and end your sentence with the F word) I've been there and talking in a calm manner does help. You guys was once married before, the "love" is still there, you'll just need to know how to unlock her and explain calmly your situation and what you want.
About Mother Bad Mouthing You, read the link I gave and print them out for your ex.
2006-08-15 12:16:19 · answer #7 · answered by LG 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What ever you do, don't let it come between you and the new wife. Once being the "new wife" myself, for some reason her constant arguing, jealousy and money grubbing brought my husband and I closer, we kind of united and let her know in sly ways, she would never come between us, we were a team of sorts. She'll shut up after a while just be patient.
2006-08-15 12:29:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
go get your lawyers together, and sit down for a nice long chat,if she dont want to take her butt to court.
2006-08-15 12:20:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋