Forgotten
By: Eric Wyatt
I get up and shake myself off,
And then I walk down to the spot.
I sit and wait for someone to drive by,
And Just acknowledge I exist.
I see you but you pretend to not see me,
And I wish I could go back in time.
Instead I'm here holding a sign,
Asking you simply read it.
You choose to turn you head,
And hope I might go away,but in reality,
I'm on the corner, you're stopped,
And you're waiting for it to turn green
It turns green and you start to go,
And you're glad that the pressure is gone.
Then you go to bed and pull up your blanket,
Regretting how you looked away.
I go to bed pull up my cardboard sheet
Regretting another worthless day.
2006-08-15 05:02:22 · 12 answers · asked by Ericelephant 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
Wow!!! That's really amazing! You're very talented! I'm going to save it on my computer!!!
2006-08-15 05:07:19 · answer #1 · answered by birdee321 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's certainly an expression of how you feel. The reader can actually sense the frustration. It's not everyone who can put their thoughts into words the way you did, and I admire your skill in doing so. I also think this may have been based on a true experience, and it is said that the best fiction and poetry is from a real-life situation. Very good!
It just needs to be "tightened" a little bit, and I found a couple of small errors. Line 9, should be "your head", not "you head" -- probably just a typo. Also Line 13 -- "waiting for it to turn green" -- shouldn't that be the "light" that is turning green, and not the corner? The word, "it" is rather evasive.....
I like your ending -- the imagery of the "cardboard sheet" -- very well put.
Keep writing! You're on the way to being a fine poet.....(but don't make a habit of hitchhiking) Good luck!
2006-08-15 05:16:15 · answer #2 · answered by gldjns 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Where did you get this? Because I wrote a similar one about 4 years ago in Atlanta Ga. I was writing about a homeless lady who sat on the corner of a busy street downtown while people walked by and ignored her. I was on a bus and felt sorry for her and wondered how she could spend her day just watching people walk by and not saying anything to her. Can I use it for my book on homelessness?
2006-08-15 05:09:57 · answer #3 · answered by CARLA J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your words and sentiments are nice, but I'm not sure that's actually a poem... doesn't follow proper prose that I know of.
2006-08-15 05:08:40 · answer #4 · answered by Sir Greggath 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good though not great.
It could have been written better. I feel you can do it.
Better Luck in your future endeavors!
2006-08-15 05:57:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad!
But are you like a hobo or something?
Or were you at one time?
No offense.
It just kinda sounds like your a hobo or a dog or something.
2006-08-15 06:25:40 · answer #6 · answered by Caitlin S. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pretty good, you forgot the "r" in your in "You choose to turn your head".
2006-08-15 05:11:55 · answer #7 · answered by MadforMAC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's okay needs to be sittuated a little better but it's good and you got your point across.
2006-08-15 05:08:51 · answer #8 · answered by MISSREBEL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not bad at all
i wish i could do that
are u a poet?
2006-08-15 05:07:32 · answer #9 · answered by austin_penguin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it.
2006-08-15 08:34:43 · answer #10 · answered by position28 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋