relationship advice?

Question

ok on paper i got a great boyfriend, he doesn't cheat or hit me, he has a good job, doesn't stay out all hours of the night, stays out of trouble and is he most loyal person i ever met. I love him and he loves me, he ahs been there for me through alot of crap, when i think anyone else would have turned there back on me ( i went through some real hard times nothing i brought on myself or anything like that) I mean our biggest argument is over video games, so i guess i'm a very lucky girl, but i still feel very unhappy.
i will never leave him, so please don't suggest that. He's not sweet or affectionate or nothing, when it comes to sex, i've been turned down more times than a stolen credit card, thats just how he is, i don't even care about the sex, its just another thing we don't have. i think maybe i just got spoiled by my last relationship(chaeting bastard) because i got so used to all the romance and sweet thing he did for me. How do I accept he's not like that and be happy

we've been together a long time i guess now we are pregnant it's really bothering me more than usual cuz i realised i'll never feel that way again with him now. I just want to feel appreciated and like i mean something again, cuz he does complain alot and eats at me a lot. I've tried a lot of things to fix this and nothing has seemed to work, its just not him, so how can i accept it, and going out and socializing isn't really an option for me where i live. I am so desperate for attention though, i spend all my time on the phone now with friends and family just to get some one to pay attention to me, and it really makes me feel like a loser, and all my friends and family live in another state. i now i am probably asking to much and should just feel lucky to have what i have but is it worng to want more.?

Answer 1

Umm hazem02, you worry me. Can't make out most of what you write.
Anyway, M.C. please think about what you're doing to yourself by staying with someone that does not meet your expectations in regards to warmth, understanding and pleasure in the bedroom. Look at what you're saying! You're unhappy but you would never leave him. You're probably pretty young and can't imagine what it'll be like 20 years from now if you stay with someone that doesn't bring you happiness. Wake up and start living again cuz time flies and soon you won't have your looks to count on. Seems like you might have a prob with low self esteem. Read some self help books for that or get counseling. Also, that worthless cheating bum left you feeling less than worthy and now you can't trust other men easily. Give yourself a chance and you will find someone that will sweep you off your feet! It's such a beautiful feeling to be loved thoroughly in every way by the one you love. I know, cuz it's been that way with my man and me for a long time.

Answer 2

To be honest..... what you have is a friend right now not a boyfriend. What you are experiencing right now is the fact it takes a bit of hard work to grow in a relationship with a good guy rather than the quick fix with a bad boy. In his defense it's likely that he just doesn't know that being sweet and affectionate is something that is so very important in a relationship. He is just not there. So if you love him it is your job to help him grow and learn the joys of togetherness. Once he does he will look at the world differently. At any age guys get comfortable and forget that they need to work at a relationship. Sit and play video games instead of thinking of ways to make you happy because there is nothing more important than you. Step away a bit, still be loving but don't be so available. A few lonely nights.... and he will go "I should do something". If he steps up to the plate and becomes more romantic, great. If not he is not the one and it is time to find someone who is loyal and has the spark that a couple should have.

Answer 3

"turned down more times than a stolen credit card" - That's a great line!

It sounds like you have the makings of a very good relationship. I think that you probably need to work on the friendship part. Plans some time that is just for the two of you. Let him know the things that you wrote above. You love him. You like him. You are proud to be with him and feel protected and loved. That's all really good.

Does he believe that you find him desirable? Wanting to make love is not the same thing. Does he know (and believe) that he makes you horny? Find a way to let him know that.

Here's a suggestion. (It's something I wish a love would do for me.)


When he comes home, bring him a beer and sit him down in his favorite chair. Tell him you'll be right back. Then, go to the bathroom and draw a hot bath. Take off your clothes and put on your robe. Go in the bedroom and turn down the bed.

Go back the living room. Stand in front of him. Drop the robe. Sit in his lap facing him and kiss him really good and really long. Softly slip your tongue in his mouth. While you are kissing him, take off his shirt. Then kneel and take off his shoes and socks. Grab his hand and pull him to his feet and take off his pants and underwear.

Then lead him by the hand to the bathroom and climb in the tub with him. Talk to each other, wash each other. (If you're up for it, let him shave your legs. Mmmmm.) Dry each other with soft towels and then lead him to the bedroom.

Think of some things that you and he have not done together (or don't do very often) and do them.

During all of this, tell him that you love him, that you're glad he's your man and that you're his woman.

Answer 4

Relationship has only one constant - challenges. Time & time again you wonder why your partner just can't be what you want him to be or do what you want him to do. We're all different & will act differently, so relationships will always be tough.

Relationship lasts because partners learn to compromise for the sake of love. If you're lucky to have a reasonable person as a partner, be happy with what you've got & be ready to make up because he can never be perfect.

Loneliness could be handled by getting busy doing something interesting to you: schooling, volunteering, church works, job, etc.
In your home you have the right to dress as seductively as possible to attract & encourage your partner for sex more frequently than before. Be sure to make every love-making a very enjoyable act worth repeating. Get highly seductive clothing & bed time dresses to show off the features that attracted him to you the first time you met.

Take interest in what puts him on & support & encourage his job & dreams. Don't think these are too much for the one you love. When you do them they will be reciprocated.

Wish you happy outcomes.

Answer 5

Well. The question is what is more important to you: A estable, mature and risk free relationship or wild animal sex and lots of fun? You cannot have both, there is no such a thing. You have to think about it very carefully because once a decision is made there is no return without pain.
My girlfriend is great, she is gorgeous (every guy that has met her says so) she is very responsible andcares about me a lot. But she is the most boring person on earth and sex with her sucks and its not tha often.
I had to chose between having all the fun I want or a good stable relationship. I chose the second

Answer 6

Ooooo that's always a sticky situation. I was in the same one w/ an ex of mine. He was an ok guy except when it came to affection & stuff. I ended up breaking up w/ him though cause I found out that after a while I was basically just a convenience gf AND that he was completely addicted to gambling & couldn't pay his bills cause of it...he was kicked out of his former stepdad's house due to not paying rent & his car was reposessed as a result too. Have you tried talking to your man about the affection & stuff? Maybe he doesn't know how it's affecting you & if he loves you like he claims then he may show more & be more sweet if he did know. I know you said you don't want to leave him but if you talk to him but see no change then there's no point in staying w/ someone if you are not happy & they're not doing anything TO make you happy. Nobody deserves to be UNhappy!

Answer 7

This may seem like a silly question, but, "what are your long-term common goals together"? Possible marriage, kids, etc.? It is not always enough that you share current interests (eg. video games). Do you have aspirations of owning a home, or traveling to see the world? The reason I ask these questions, is to try to get you thinking about your future together. Sometimes, a long- term common goal that you both agree you want, provides a direction for you to both grow in. Young sapling trees need wooden stakes and wires for support. Your relationship might need the same type. When men become comfortable within their relationships, they can become less romantic. Perhaps, you could lead him in this direction a bit by asking him to turn off the TV, offering to treat him to dinner, and spend time talking with him there about his goals and your own in 3 years, 5years, etc? In any case, good luck, and renewed romance to you.

Answer 8

The guy sounds like a great guy; someone you never want to lose but if you are unhappy, you need to rethink whether or not you want to be with him. First of all, talk to him!!! Tell him what's up and describe to him what you are feeling. You deserve to be romanced and to have someone you can be affectionate with. If these are things you want in a relationship than that's what you should get. It's not a huge request on your part but bottom line, the only way things are going to change are if you bring up the issue.

Answer 9

Sometimes you just got to stop living in the past. Think of your relationship as a new adventure. Him being different from yours other boyfriend is a plus!You are happy that he is not like them, right?Or did you get use to being cheated on?I say just kick back and enjoy the ride.Maybe he doesnt want you to think that he only wants you for sexual purposes.And if all you ever argue about is video games I think you have a good thing.All me and my boyfriend argue about is video games and why he rather watch wrestling than talk to me. But we love each other so we get over it.I hope I answered you question.

Answer 10

WOW. Sounds like my Hubby. He is reliable, loyal, faithful. Sounds like I am describing a Golden Retriever. Is your bf waiting to have sex with the woman he marries? If so I think that's great of him. You have to remember having sex changes a relationship. I would talk to him and let him know how you feel. If your as close as you say, he will open up, just be patient. I have to pry things out of my husband. MY guy does not have a clue when it comes to romance. Over the years I have come to expect him not to be romantic, but when he is, wow it blows me away. I think I appreciate it more. I think we can have to much of a good thing. I wish you luck. I am sure you will work this out. Just remember we can not mold someone into what we think they should be.