Will counseling work after he hit me?

Question

PUT ME IN THE HOSPITAL. I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART AND HE IS THE ONLY MAN I HAVE REALY HAD A REALATIONSHIP WITH. WE HAVE TWO CHILDREN WHOM I WOULD GIVE THE WORLD FOR. WE SEPERATED FOR ABOUT SIX MONTHS AND I JUST RECENTLY RETUNRED HOME THINKING HE HAD CHANGED AND AFTER ONLY TWO MONTHS THINGS ARE BACK TO THE WAY THEY WERE BEFORE AND HE RECENTLY JUST HAD A SPELL WHERE I HAD TO BE HOSPITALIZED . I KNOW WHAT PEOPLE READING ARE SAYING YOU IDIOT LEAVE HIM. BUT YOU SEE I STRUGGLED WHEN I LEFT AND HAD TO WORK TWO-THREE JOBS AND NEVER SAW MY CHILDREN. I MISSED OUT ON SO MUCH BECAUSE BETWEEN TRAVELING TIME AND WORKING I NEVER SAW THEM. I LOVE MY HUSBAND BUT IM TIRED OF FIGHTING WITH HIM AND HE CHEATS ALSO. HE DID ABOUT SIX MONTHS AGO THATS WHY I FINALLY LEFT. I JUST THOUGHT HE HAD CHANGED AND THAT OUR FAMILY COULD BE BACK TOGETHER.N OW I FEEL I HAVE MADE A MISTAKE. BUT I DONT KNOW IM SCARED TO BE WITHOUT HIM BECAUSE HE IS ALL I KNOW WE ARE NOW TRYING COUNSELING WILL IT WORK?

Answer 1

No. You need to leave. Counselors aren't generally prepared to deal with abuse and abusers almost always figure out ways to make counseling work in their favor and against you. You need to leave him. I had to work two jobs when I left my husband too, but you won't forever, trust me. There are battered women's shelters that can help you and there are social services programs that are there just for people like you. I pay an awful lot of taxes for people not to be taking advantage of the social programs they pay for. Get you and your kids away from that man. Or are you going to wait till he turns on the kids? He will, if he hasn't yet. Just wait till you have a teenager, he'll smack her silly, guaranteed. And even if I'm wrong, he's abusing them every time they see him hit their mother. Remember, Mother is God in the eyes of children.

Answer 2

Do you love being sent to the hospital? Is that all you want to know? Do you think your kids should be raised in that kind of household?

If you answered "Yes" to any of those questions, then by all means, stay with him.

But something tells me you didn't. Counseling can work, if he's willing to try, quit drinking and cheating, and put your needs (and those of your children) above his own. But it's not a magical cure.

I think I would leave and let him pick up the pieces of his own life. You have your own life to resurrect too, and having him around just complicates things. If he can get things together, then maybe he can have you back sometime down the road, but it sounds like you NEED the time away from him to get your own head straight.

Let him have his counselling, go with him if you're required to. But live apart from him, until you actually believe he is again the best thing in your life. You owe it to your kids to keep them away from this lifestyle, and you can't do that if you're living under the same roof as him.

Answer 3

You need the counseling, he needs the jail term. You have no idea what love is. What you have is not love, it's power control and possession. You are allowing your children to learn that his behavior is acceptable by returning to the same situation over and over. Until you change this pattern as in get away from him both emotionally and physically, you will never be able to find out what a good and true love relationship really means. He is not going to change, ever! After he kills you, he will find another idiot and continue the same way or start on the children. Get some help!!!!!

Answer 4

Here are some sites you might want to look at. I have been in abusive relationships myself. They do not get better. Only God can change that person. I have tbi ( traumatic brain injury) from my ex and he STILL TO THIS DAY is abusive and manipulative.
He got custody of our children and helped me to loose custody of my other two chiildren. Remember that the most dangerous time of the relationship is when you are making your break, to LEAVE. You must be able to go to a safe place, get into a domestic violence shelter or find someplace where he will not find you. My ex was very angry with me when I "let the cat out of the bag" so to say and his abuse was known about outside of our house. It made him more angry and abusive. If you want a better life for yourself or your children, you have to get out ASAP. But make sure you have copies of ALL of the important things like birth certificates and proof of financial things, everything you need to identify yourself and your children if you have any and to prove the abuse. Your financial information, everything can be used against you by the abuser. Usually each state has a toll free domestic violence hotline. Also, remember the landline telephone if you have one in your house might be traced if you dial 911 and you don't even have to say anything...they will come to the address on the computer when you dial 911 in an escelated situation in your house. Check with your local 911 on this, even call 911 and test the line to make sure, better than ending up more physically hurt and not being able to call for help.
http://www.leavingabuse.com/cycle_of_abuse.html
http://www.abusedwoman.com/
http://www.womanabuseprevention.com/html/emotional_abuse.html

Answer 5

no counseling will not work. this man as already put you in the hospital, what are you going to do when he puts one of the children that you would "give the world for" in the hospital. It is not healthy for you or those kids for you to stay there. Yeah you might have to work an extra job to make it at first, but you will be healthy and alive and that is what those kids need. You know what you have to do, and you know that staying is wrong. Now just get out and do it, and don't look back before you don't have the chance to do it. There is help out there for battered women, go get it and get out of there

Answer 6

Once a guy lays hands on you, it is bound to repeat. No man in his normal sense will do that to you. From your details, obviously u have suffered so much. Do not put limits on yourself. U have left him before, do it again if u have to, but don't turn back this time. Get help from your local area that supports abused women/moms like yourself. U have the right to live for yourself and your childrens. Stand up and be counted. Do not give in. From your question, u did not mention how old are u? Divorce him and get custody of the childrens and make him pay for alimony and child maintenance. If u need further advice, email me at [e-mail].

Answer 7

I know working 2 or 3 jobs and never seeing your kids is hard, but at leat they see you trying to makean effort to support them. What do you think they are seeing (or even thinking) when their father puts their mom in the hospital? It is showing them that that is ok.... Or maybe your husband will get bored with beating up on you and start on the kids... DO NOT WAIT UNTIL IT IS TOO LATE. If this time he put you in the hospital, next time he might kill you, the beatings tend to usually get worse, not better. I know it is going to be hard, but it will only get worse. I urge you to find your local HAVIN and get a restraining order on this guy and if you have to, move in with family or friends until you can make it on your own. I would also report everything he has done to you to the police, and to keep a journal of things that are said, and things that have happened. That can be used if you ever need to go to court. You say you would give the world for your kids, so give it to them. Take the kids and get out NOW. If you ever need to talk you can email me [e-mail]

Answer 8

I've been in an abusive relationship myself and I'm telling you now it's not worth it. He won't change. My ex went through classes and all that and would still come home and beat on me. Trust me it get worse. My ex had 15 felonies against him and I was told I was the worst case they ever heard of in the history of the county. I went to a battered woman's shelter and was able to take care of myself and my boy.
Also you are teaching your children that it's ok to hit and be hit. They will grow up to be the same way. The emotional damage that is being forced upon your children is unfair. It is your job to protect them, if you will not protect yourself. It is your job to teach them that relationships do not equal abuse. Right now you are showing them abuse is ok. I don't think you want that do you?
I hope you get some help, there are battered women's shelters everywhere and you can do better.
He has no respect for you. He's beating on you and cheating on you. There is no reason for you to take this abuse. Your children should come first. You are the only one that can do this. If not CPS can take your children away from you and then you'll be stuck with this abusive guy and you won't have your kids. Is it worth it to you?

Answer 9

No counciling will not work at this point it has gone to far.
First you need to get a dose of self esteem.

You need to leave for several reasons. the first is for your safety if he has put you in the hospital and maybe he is sorry for doing so, however one of these days it's going to go to far and in instead of the hospital it will be the morgue and that is permanent.
Then whose going to raise those kids?
If your kids are girls and they see this they will grow up and marry wife beaters just like dad was because they have learned from you that woman are supposed to be treated this way.

If they are boys they will grow up and be wife beaters because they have learned from dad this is the way you keep your wife in line and that she is nothing more than a sex slave and baby factory. So leave now run as fast as you can and take your kids with you there are several programs that are out there to help women in your situation. DO NOT LET HIM KNOW WHERE YOU ARE!!!!

Answer 10

Your husband is a very sick man. Sorry to say it but you NEED TO LEAVE IMMEDIATELY ! ! Go to a shelter for abused women. Your counselor should be able to help with that. You need individual counseling to help you understand why you would put up with that. Do you have daughters? Do you realize that, by staying, you are teaching your children, ( by example ), that his behavior is acceptable ? Just because he is "all you know" now doesn't mean he is all you will ever know. Get out before something even more tragic happens.