My boyfriend cheated on me almost a year ago. It was a rough time, but we worked through it. Our relationship is strong. However, he is still friends with the guy he cheated with.
They work together. This guy is in the same social circle as my boyfriend. They still talk over AIM. They go out to lunch together. They've traveled for business togehter and hung out while away for those two weeks. They talk on the phone. They TM each other. We've all gone out with them together. At parties, my boyfriend talks to him more than he does other people because this guy doesn't have as many friends and isn't the most outgoing.
I don't believe my boyfriend would cheat on me again. Every time I see them together, my boyfriend brings him up, or any other interaction involving him, I picture the two of them in my mind. It seriously bothers me.
My boyfriend and I have moved on from this situation. I trust him. I hate that this goes through my mind, but it does, almost without fail.
2006-08-15 04:18:28 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Jon, you don't deserve this. After objectively listening to your problem and then also looking at some other things you've posted (sorry, I'm a bit nosey), you sound like a rational and intelligent individual and probably know when something in your relationship is going sour.
I think your approach to this problem depends on how long you've been with this guy. If it's been long (a year or more), try to be direct with him and communicate -- that's what everyone says, and it's right. He works with this guy, and it looks like there's no way he's going to just disappear. If, however, you haven't been dating for long, then break up with him. This is only going to get worse.
Above all else, be careful to let your feelings be known without coming across as a jealous crybaby. Good luck!
2006-08-15 04:31:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to your boyfriend about it. It sounds like, while you trust him, there is still some lingering doubt.
Tell him that you know that he hasn't given you any reason to think that he would cheat again. Tell him exactly what you told us! The important thing is that you tell him. That way, he can never say he didn't know that it affected you that way. And if you keep it all bottled up, you'll eventually blow up at him over something minor and he won't have a clue.
Tell him that it bothers you, that you love him so much and you don't want to make him feel that he has to drop a friend, but you aren't comfortable with the relationship, and perhaps he needs to cut back a LOT on social interactions with this guy.
Then again, it might also behoove you to keep the guy close in your sights. Just because your boyfriend wouldn't cheat again, doesn't mean that the other guy wouldn't try.
Sweetie, the best thing you can do is sit down with your boyfriend and talk about it. I'm sure he loves you, too and would want to know how worried you are.
Best of luck.
2006-08-15 11:26:01 · answer #2 · answered by Autumn BrighTree 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your relationship really isn't going well, and sorry to tell you. I know you don't want to hear it, but its true. When a person cheats and the other person is willing to work it out; that means dropping all relationships with the one he cheated with. It appears that your boyfriend is having his cake and eating it too. The long business trips, parties, etc... Both you and the guy; are being played. Your boyfriend is truly disrespecting you and should be dumped.
The reason why you are having these feelings or uncomfortableness, is because in the back of your mind you know its not right. This guy should never be a part of your relationship with you boyfriend.
I would sit down with your man; and tell him how you feel. If chooses this guy over you; dump his sorry a$$. You can do much better. He's not putting your interest at heart first, but making you be a sidekick. In fact it sounds like he is playing both of you. Give him an ultimatum.
2006-08-15 11:52:15 · answer #3 · answered by Swordfish 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen up my friend, the best thing you can do is wise up and think about your own feelings. #1 this guy is giving you some kind of doubt regardless of your own ability to trust so listen to your insides. #2 You need to put you some sort of plan together. Trust me this is a sign that your BF is doing a something behind your back. Get smart, stay alert, and plan your words. #3 Don't confront him about your plans or ever say you're going to do something. Observe his actions, write down the oddities in your relationship that you can't figure out, and look for evidence to prove that he is. #4 Once a cheater always a cheater and Gays are more likely to cheat than married heteros because there aren't any legal means of foundation. You need to think about you and your needs, wants, expectations, and desires. #5 You need to delete the items listed on your plan that concern your welfare such as this cheating hoe and build your own independance and security. #6 Regardless of anything that comes out of his mouth stick to your plans and tell him it is over. Walk out of that brewing drama and get you some freedom.
#7 Go out. Chill. Take time to yourself. Drag out the old dirty books and give yourself a bit of alone time. #8 Wait on your heart to start yearning for love and try again. You are the only one who is ever going to be there for YOU and you are all you'll ever really have in this world. Take Care of You.
2006-08-15 13:27:27 · answer #4 · answered by J.C. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should try having a relationship that isn't based on sexual ownership. That way "cheating" wouldn't occur. Frankly, if that were my man I'd be suspicious of all of that AIM time and not the sex. Fking is one thing, but are they in love or what?
I say this as a dog myself, your man is a dog. He will get what he wants on the side whether you like it or not, and he won't stop. If you really are into this whole freaky monogamy thing, you better find a new man.
2006-08-15 13:21:57 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been there, drop him now, it's NEVER going to go away, it's only going to get worse. Don't tell me he doesn't know that it's wrong to be hanging out with this guy so much, and don't tell me he doesn't know it bothers you. The less you say, the more he's going to think it's OK, and it's not. Walk and don't look back.
2006-08-15 11:38:44 · answer #6 · answered by buldawg 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about it. Be tactful, but also be open with him about what you're going through. It sounds like you both aren't completely over what happened and it's time to finish the healing before the wound festers.
2006-08-15 15:34:12 · answer #7 · answered by carora13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like to me you haven't moved on and your boyfriend is spending to much time with this so call friend that he wants you to believe that nothing is going on get real wake up either you are willing to love him and except whats really going on or get rid of him
2006-08-15 11:30:27 · answer #8 · answered by toosexy4thisshit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know he needs to maintain a civil relationship with this guy, but he's going too far. You don't like that they are so close, and the reason you don't like it is because of HIM. Have you talked to your b/f? Tell him you trust him, but that you don't like that he's so close to this other guy. Period. It really is disrespectful.
2006-08-15 11:25:09 · answer #9 · answered by Milana P 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would feel the same way you do if my bf was still hanging with the person he cheated on me with. While you can't tell your bf not to hang out with this person, you should tell him that you do not like this situation.
2006-08-15 11:24:01 · answer #10 · answered by Janiffer 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋