Is it true that men like to control women by getting them to do something they would usually not want to do?

Question

I am very open in the bedroom with my husband. I just have one thing or certain people I will not do. And he was okay with it. But, some time later, he now wants to talk me into doing something that I don't get turned on with. The thought of me doing this for him, turns him on incredibly.
My question is... is it normal for a man to feel powerful to get his woman to do something she usually wouldn't do?

Yikes, Pecarrie. My husband worships me. He is just letting me know what his disires are. It just happens to be something I don't want to do ...kinda. My other questions are just for conversation and I was bored and trying to think up questions. Thank you for caring Pecarrie and anybody else too.

Thank you for your answers... I will stick to my "guns" and be true to myself. I do know that if I do something I don't want to do, I will blame him and then it will be a downward spiral to divorce.

Answer 1

I am a male and I will never control my wife by getting her to do something she wouldn't want to do..... I do respect my wife alot I rather her tell me if she want to try new things. It better for me and I don't feel bad about this. and My wife have a right to tell me if she don't want to or don't feel like it right thing to do.. She has the right to tell me... I never get mad becasue she being her and I like it alot and she really not try to do everything to make me happy... she does make me happy for what she did. and I think you have the right to tell him how you feel and if he want divorce it not your fault and he can't respect you how your feel and listen what you have to say then that his fault.

You are smart, and don't do to make him happy... just being you and be honest and Believe me he will leave you who cares what he think.

My wife and I we do respect eachother alot no matter what smiling. I don't think it normal for me as male to feel powerful to my wife. I wouldn't be happy so is my wife. smiling. I believe equal.

Answer 2

I'm not sure that is the reason, it wouldn't be with me and I am a guy. Of course all guys are different so you never know.

If my wife wouldn't enjoy something, I would not, and will not press her to do it. I will give you a little insight into me, which may be a little insight into hubby if he's like me...

I love when my wife holds nothing back. If she may like something, it makes me feel wonderful if she will share it with me. It's good for my heart and my libido. Your hubby maybe be fishing for you deepest desires that he would love to share. Why don't you turn the tables on the situation. Why not say to him..."well, that makes me uncomfortable and i really don't want to do that, but I have often thought about "this".!! You may find out that hubby may forget all about his first idea and will follow your desires.

I would give you an example but it would be spreading my wife's personal desires all over the net, but you can rest assured that I was thrilled when she did let me know something that she enjoyed. Give it a try and good luck!

Answer 3

Judging by all of your questions, you are in an abusive relationship. Abusive does not have to mean physical attacks, though it may soon turn into this. He abuses you mentally, emotionally, and violates your boundaries, and obviously derives pleasure not from acts but from causing you discomfort and distress.
Get out of the relationship, that's all I can tell you.
He sounds like he's verbally aggressive, and he frightens you.
And to answer the question, NO it is NOT NORMAL for a "man" to "feel powerful" through a woman. It is ABUNDANT, but NOT HEALTHY. So people who tell you otherwsie just cant see the forest through the trees.
A real man is respectful of his womans feelings, and puts them before his own many a time. He cares for her, makes her happiness as important as his own. He also does not need a woman to either have control or feel power- a man needs no more power thatn what is sufficient to GUIDE HIS OWN ACTIONS in a FITTING MANNER- ie, to control himself so that he is honest, patient, noble, intelligent, rational, foresightful, to be successful at what he endeavors to do, etc.

Healthy people dont feel power through others- thats called manipulation and CONTROL. It's also fit under the umbrella term of insecurity. When he feels he has no control over himself or his life, or that he cant get people to love him just being himself (an old childhood notion derived from his parents or fellows at some point in time) he is paralyzed by the threat to his existence this lack of love and support poses. He seeks to 'correct' the lack of love any way that he can, and thus manipulates people to py attention to him, make him feel 'comfy', cared for/looked after, and this only superficially nd temporarily "BLINDS HIM" to his true pain which is STILL PRESENT.
It spirals into something worse because the more he uses you to 'make himself feel better', the more he realizes that it isnt working- because all along his original pain and fear is still there. He confuses the inefficiency of his beahvior with an 'inefficiency of YOU', and blames YOU when he still is uspet, and starts ot lable you as INCOMPETENT, or TO BLAME for all of HIS sorrows in life.
Thus he gets more and more hateful and bitter towards you, and pits you as the enemy more and more, and seeks REVENGE for your presence more and more, because while you are with him, he sees you as "taking" form him (time, money, emotions, energy) and not giving oin the way that he is expecting (trying to get from you),
That should show you that is ISNT YOUR FAULT, but HIS.

Anyway it's a big complex thing. You can read Adam Jukes books to understand the underlying pathology and fears/provocation that such men suffer from... You can always contact me through my profile page. :)
Best of Luck and be strong!!

A more simple answer could lie in the fact that pornography is male-centric, and often the women are cast as near subjetcs. Women are treated harshly, aggressively, such that it mimics something being done against her will or interest. If he has viewed a lot of pornography he may have become accustomed to experiencing arousal at the sight of a woman experiencing such emotions. But in my eyes, that doesnt make it any less unhealthy.

Answer 4

for your husband it seems so if he is making a big deal out of getting you to do something that is against your wishes.
If you allow him to gain control over you like that--- then that's all he wants is a wife that is submissive and he will use it against you and that will lead into degrading acts.... so don't fall into that trap because if you ever tell him no after that point he'll tell others what you allowed him to do to or had someone else do to you.... I know people who got themselves entangled in such relationships.... avoid it - even if it means leaving/divorcing him ... this is abuse.... he gains power by getting you to do things that go against what you believe...

Answer 5

It's more than just about the power. If you come to like what he wants you to do, then he feels that he has molded you somehow. If on the other hand, you don't like what he wants you to do, but do it anyway, then you have performed a sort of sacrifice to him which is a testament of how much he means to you. If you reject his wish, you do the opposite. You show him that he doesn't mean to you as much as he'd like and that he doesn't have the ability to mold you to his wishes.

It's normal. Many guys however decide not to reveal those desires because they don't want either scenario. They are afraid of being rejected, and are also afraid of what they would do if they found out they have so much power.

Answer 6

Well I'm not real sure what he wants you to do however if he wants to bring another person in on it, then I think it is more of a fetish, I would make sure he knows after its done there is no going back. Mine thought he wanted to explore in that manner, however he is very jealous and protective of me so he changed his mind after that comment was made. And you should only do this if you are OK with it or it could end up costing you your marriage and alittle trauma.

Answer 7

I think it depends on what sort of relationship you have. I don't know if you can call it 'normal', but virtually everyone has a fetish or two. That could be his fetish.