In love with married man and I don't know how to let him go, something keeps pulling me back?

Question

I truely love him, and only him, but I don't know how to let go, I try and after 4 or 5 days, I'm calling to tell him that I miss him, I actually get heartache, they say be strong, but I don't know how to go about being strong. Love is powerful.
He loves the two of us, I do know. We even take trips together, not with wife though.

Answer 1

First, don't be hurt by the thoughtless answers that call you a whore. It's people who don't know how to live their own lives that judge others for how they live theirs. The situation you're in is likely to be or become painful for all involved. If anyone is able to prevent a part of that pain, it's you.

Your pain can't be helped except by ending the relationship before it gets worse.

Your need for love is focused on a guy who is probably better at taking love than he is at giving it. What's hurting you most is not that you need his love, but that you need love. You've got to go through pain whether it's the pain of breaking away from him or the pain of staying in the relationship. Guess which pain will last longer and go deeper.

Once you break away from him, you need to examine your pain in a different way. Ask yourself what it really was that you wanted and make sure you don't throw the chance for that away by getting stuck where it's not possible.

I once came across a bit of wisdom that stuck with me. It was: Mother Nature's a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lesson later.

Be strong and you'll make your own good luck.

Answer 2

What your doing is only going to lead to more of the heartache your trying to avoid. He is a married man, and chances are he will never leave his wife. You should end the affair and when the 4-5 day mark comes and your feeling like you want to call him, remind yourself why your ending this and the heartache your saving yourself down the road. How would you feel if this man was your husband and he was cheating on you. Think of his wife and or his children. He may say he loves you but in all honesty, your an extracaricular activity...no more, no less. My bet, 2 months after you end the relationship he will have found another woman to sleep with on the side. Leave this guy.

Answer 3

I don't believe you can love two people at the same time when your cheating and deceiving the minds of both. When you love someone and I say truly love someone, you don't cheat or do anything that will hurt them or destroy their love.

Love when it is true, stops you from cheating on your mate. You think about them to the point, you rather not indulge in such situations.

A lot of these relationships are based on the selfish needs of having their cake and eat it too.

Now, I do know that you can fall in love with a married man if he treats you good and give you want you want. Those characteristics will make you fall in love with anyone who treats you the way you want to be treated.

Also, many men and woman are in unhappy dysfunctional marriages and in order to get some joy and peace, they seek outside their marriages.

I also know some woman and not just men have demeanor's of being hard to please and get along with no matter what you do and it creates the breeding ground for cheating.

So if your in a relationship that gives you no hope for a future but your dealing with a lot of pain, I say move on and free your mind.

Answer 4

Sorry but the truth will hurt.

People who fall in love with someone Else's husband or wife, make it sound like they have a disease that they can't cure.

The cure is simple.
Don't take what is not yours.

Would you go into a store and steal?
Would you take someone's car because it is better then what you could afford?
Would you take someone elses children because you fell in love with them?
Would you go into someone's closest because you wanted what they have?

There are some things in life you do not share and one is your husband.
But, of course there are always people like yourself, that come along and take it anyway, claiming that love outways the rightful owner to the person they are with.

You have not thought about what your doing to his wife, because your still with this man. Don't you think it is time you start being a decent, unselfish human being towards this woman?

This husband looks at you as a temporary fix.
Trust me, you have no idea how men think at all.
You are not the glorious woman in his eyes, only in his bed.
Because a woman without morals is a woman that can never be trusted.

And he will see that when his wife does something sweet for him, in their home, not yours that he will feel sad about what he is doing with you. And trust me, men feel a huge amount of guilt about betraying their wives. Infact he makes up for it to his wife more then you realize. He will do more for her, then he will ever do for you, because men when married, are very committed to their wives and the life they have.

So, you in reality, are nothing more then a woman in life with the wrong man and a fill in for moments that he knows will lead to sex.

Want the truth, if you have the guts or nerves to do it...cut the sex off and see how quickly he runs from you.

Answer 5

To tell you the truth the man doesn't love the both of you. He loves different things about the 2 of you but neither one of u have all what he wants. that's the reason why he has both of you. Of course you take trips together he wants to spend time with u and not her and then in a couple of days he wants his wife again. A person cant truley love u when he spends time with another women, saying he loves her and being HER husband. Plus think about this if yall get married he will do it to you. dont call him let him call u and then keep your distance until the divorce papers are signed. all your doing is hurting yourself. he is happy right now with both of yall.

Answer 6

I hate to bust your bubble but it is a difference between love and lust. Love is his wife, he married her and goes home to her at night. He went before God to pledge his love for her. He has built a home with her and so forth. Lust on the other hand is you, he takes you out every now and then and shows you a good time, spends a little cash and make it feel like it is love, but it is not. I can guess that the s** is great. That is what is making it so hard to let go. I think you have 2 choices: Discontinue the relationship before some one gets hurts meaning you, or make sure you are on the same page with him about the love thing before he leads you on and then decides it's lust and you hurt him.

Answer 7

The michigan wife isn't far off. What goes around comes around. Even if you stick in with this guy and he leaves his wife, you must realize that he's a cheater. In most cases he cheats on the other woman too. If you want something better, you have to do something better. The whole time you're pining over Mr. Cheater man, prince charming could be right in front of your eyes, but you can't see him with all those tears in your eyes.

Answer 8

Hummmm, how do I be tactful in answering this question........
Homewrecker, sorry but it is just wrong to get involved with a married person.
I'am sure if you think about a couple of things you will find the answer:
1. Once a cheater always a cheater (he cheated on his wife to be with you)
2. Morals
3. Anyone who loves you would never put you through the heartache of a triangle relationship

I could go on but I think if you are having problems finding the right thing to do in this situation maybe you guys deserve eachother...
Once again sorry for the harshness, but you are causing alot of pain for alot of people.......

Answer 9

Been there, done that, so obviously I don't judge you. Get him out of your life. You can do it! Love is powerful, true, but respect and love for yourself should be MUCH more powerful. You will never trust him, after all if he cheated on his wife, won't he cheat on you? And don't think that your love is so strong that he won't. Don't you think his wife thinks their love is strong enough to keep him from cheating? Also, take a moment to put yourself in her shoes, how do you think you would feel to find out your husband is cheating on you.

When I was much younger I was the "other woman". Now that I've matured and married I realize how very destructive it was not only to myself but to the couple involved. I was very thoughtless but have learned by it and know the error of my ways.

Answer 10

I'm sorry but it sounds like you're allowing this married man to have the best of both worlds. Obviously he has no plans of leaving his wife for you, why would you lower your standards and allow yourself to be the "other" woman??? Do you want to spend your life sneaking around, never being "the" woman of his dreams? It's unfortunate that sometimes we fall for the wrong man but you need to get out of this relationship and find a man that adores YOU!