why does marraige slowly strangle romance?

Question

her smile is now a lottery ticket, a one in a million chance to win.

Answer 1

Over time the initial "lust" involved in a relationship declines... after all, once you have lived together for a long time there are just not any more secrets or surprises.

If you're truly in love, the relationship changes to become a partnership where you literally become "best friends with benefits".

That doesn't mean that romance has to die. I've been married 32 years and still bring flowers home to my wife for no reason. We write each other little notes and put them places where the other will find them. We go to church together, and we occasionally go for "weekenders" to different places and just spend time together.

And... we give each other the space we need to stay individuals and not be absorbed into a big "we".

It takes a lot of work to keep a marriage viable - I think that's why so many marriages fail. People are so used to our "throw away" culture that it is just easier to start over than to work on solutions.

Answer 2

Romance and new love are mostly chemical, and that physical attraction wanes over time as people know each other very well. Romance requires spontaneity, marriage requires work. Both partners have to work hard to keep the romance alive, and leave nothing to chance when it comes to keeping their partners happy.

Do something that's totally out of character for you - something you've never done and that she'd never expect. If you're not sure what that should be, talk to a female friend and get her input; women love to help with things like this. Maybe you can give her a reason to smile.

Answer 3

It's not the marriage that strangles the romance, it's the couple that gets too comfortable and forgets about the romance. Do something special for her without a reason...bring her some roses, buy her a dress and bring it home and tell her you're taking her out on the town. The little suprises keep romance alive. Most people work their butts off to impress their boyfriend or girlfriend, but forget about it once they walk down the aisle. Marriage takes work too. Good luck! ;)

Answer 4

People have a most unrealistic notion of "love". Love that is to endure the proverbial test of time is that based on true abiding trust and friendship. This has to include periodic "updates": you have to keep it stimulating in all areas, not just sex. The best marriages are not based on looks or glitz, nor are the "best" people for that matter. They say "familiarity breeds contempt" and this can be true, as soon as the novelty of someone or some situation wears away, one is left with the cold unforgiving reality. Bed farts and morning mouth! Of course! When we make a commitment for life to someone, we had better realize that person has the very same human frailties that we do. That's another thing that just kills me: I have met some horrendous people who aspire to attach themselves to the most gorgeos young attractive and accomplished individuals out there and I always wonder,"who do you think you are?".

Answer 5

What are you doing to keep the flame lit? A campfire can't stay lit without firewood. It'll eventually dwindle. You gotta keep adding firewood.

Surprise her with flowers, not because you're in the doghouse. Compliment her. Tell her that her smile is beautiful. You'll see it more often. You have to make her feel as if she is the most sublime creature on the planet. Take her out for dinner, movies, walks in the park. If you want the magic back, be the bigger person and put it back in there.

Answer 6

I don;t think is marriage per se, is routine and overtime, familiarity with each other is what slow things down and take you to a confortable place where, perhaps, there is no need to try anymore.

All couples experience that, married and not married. People blame it on marriage but people are getting married 2 or 3 years into a relationship when you already reached that familiarity spot, then blame it into marriage when, the thurth is, is just settling down into routine.

Is hard work to keep the relationship alive and fresh, but by no means, is marriage fault.

Good luck

Answer 7

Often at times, we see faults of others more than recognising our own. Maybe you have not given her any reasons lately for her to smile. Marriage is like wine, the older the tastier, you both have to make it work. Don't let the sparks die off. Talk things out, no matter how small the matter it is but voice out your setbacks and work towards the romance that has slowly face off.

Answer 8

Well, if you look at it this way, it's no wonder. Just like any relationship (or just about anything), the newness of it wears off. Then it is your job as a couple to bring that romance back. My wife and I make it a point to go do a date night every week to two weeks just to keep it romantic. We've celebrated 5 years together and we're still going strong.

Answer 9

A plant will die if it is not watered. A baby will die if not fed and loved. A marriage will die if it is neglected. A friendship will die if ignored. Marriage is not a terminal death to a relationship, but it takes love, effort and time that needs to be cared for daily. Some people get lazy &/or selfish and quit nurturing the relationship. Others know the keys to successful relationships and have great marriages.

Answer 10

because you are comfortable and set in your ways.Alot of people think they did there romancing before they got married they dont have to once they are because they one the other person over.But they are wrong.If there is no romance in marriage also it leads to problems.You have to have that emotional connection.If you dont do the small things for each other then you will get stuck in a rut thats hard to get out of.Start incorporating romance back into your marriage or things will keep going down hill.Just because you are married dosent mean romance has to die in fact it should be better.