She says i dont tell her enough how beautiful she is. I tell her all the time all she can say is you dont mean it. She says she is fat and she is not at all. She says i like living alone and not being with them. I tell her yah sure i would rather be being shot at then to watch my son grow up. What else can i say?
2006-08-15 02:30:56 · 22 answers · asked by pazz 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell her that it is just as hard on you as it is for her. Did she marry you while you were in the military? Or did she know you were going to get involved? I understand that it is hard on her but you both need to support EACH OTHER. She seems to have very low self esteem, maybe a little couples counseling before you go? Good luck.
2006-08-15 02:36:11 · answer #1 · answered by tmac 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but she sounds very insecure and whether you stay or go, she will always feel like this, this is her problem and not yours.
I'm guessing you were in the military when you got together, and if this is the case, then she should have accepted this was your job before marrying you and that at times you will be away for long periods at a time.
Having no experience with the military at all, are there no support groups for partners that the military have set up for those who find it hard with the separation, maybe it would help for her to talk to others in the same position as her.
In any case, like I said, this is your wife's problem, don't make it yours, you are doing all of the right things in trying to reassure her, ultimately she needs to either live with it and stop putting more pressure in what I can only imagine is a very stressful job, or leave the relationship.
2006-08-15 02:38:19 · answer #2 · answered by Violent and bored 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has she been like this all the time..I mean prior to being married was she like this? She seems very insecure and doesn't feel confident or good about herself. I am sure that you mean it and you seem to do everything that you can to provide and be there for the family. YOU are fighting for our country that is in some pretty bad problems and more important things than her telling you that you aren't there for them. It is for a good reason-only reason that i can think of that is a good reason-but she needs to be understanding. There is no way for you to make her understand if she doesn't want to. Hopefully she will get around and letters and phone calls will be the one thing that is communicating. I think she and your son will have a very hard time in the beginning but each visit you take and coming home-she will then appreciate so much more the little time that she has with you and know that it is a very precious moment(s) to have with the one you love who is far away fighting for our country. My cousin is in the military as well and has devoted his life for 17 yrs. He will stay in for another 12 or 13 yrs. until retiring0-but he is married and has a daughter. Know that your son will truly and miss you a lot and that is the one downfall-your country needs you and your son does as well but the pros seem to outweigh the cons.
2006-08-15 02:52:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your wife is insecure and has low self esteem. From the sounds of it your saying all the right things, even if when you do say them she comes back with..." yeh right, your just saying that" Keep telling her how much you love her, how beautiful she is, how sexy she is. When we hear positive/negative things about ourselves long enough, we start believing them. She is probably feeling a little lost because your leaving, so be patient and just let her express her emotions and be receptive to her as much as possible. God Bless and stay safe. Thank you for putting your behind on the line so us civilians can keep living the way of life we have come to love.
2006-08-15 02:56:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is suffering from depression or is playing head games with you. this is a way for her to exert control over you by keeping you groveling at her feet. Some people do this with out realizing that they are. But in most cases it could also be lack of self esteem and stress from being a military wife ( and for husbands as well ). You both should seek marriage counseling especially thanks to George and the mess over seas military families are suffering even greater. Some can't handle it very well. Keep in mind though you can't make your wife feel happy that comes from within the person and only they can decide to be happy or not.
2006-08-15 02:48:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps your wife does not feel that you love her. When you go away, she may think you are happy to go because you do not find her attractive. Try dating her all over again, that means buying her flowers, calling her just to say you miss her, invite her out, show her that she is important to you and that you hate being separated from her.
You can also establish a tradition just for the two of you, i.e hugging each other in turns every morning, setting aside a day or weekend in a month for just the two of you etc.
good luck
2006-08-15 02:40:43 · answer #6 · answered by tomnjerry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not much more to say. Try and get her involved with other military wives. She is either very insecure or she is just playing head games with you. You have a serious job to do and I'm proud and thankful for you. If she doesn't understand that at this point in time, whether you or her like it, your call to serve your country takes priority. She needs to get some help to understand that her role is supporting you and keeping the home fires burning while you are gone. It sounds like she is very immature &/or insecure and you should try and find her a support group on base to get and keep her head on straight. This is not about HER at this point. If she can't get it, I don't see much hope for your relationship. Again, thanks for what you do.
2006-08-15 02:39:20 · answer #7 · answered by Chloe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just keep reassuring her, she may just be trying to get your attention. Preparing for a deployment is a busy time in your life and she may feel she's not getting the attention she and your son deserve. I myself just finished 4 years of active duty service and am now a stay at home mom, I get jealous, somedays to the point of resentment that hubby gets to go and I am "stuck" at home dealing with the day to day things while he gets to leave it all behind. So just spend as much quality time with your wife and son as you possibly can. Also, you didn't mention your sons age, if she just recently had him, is it possible she's suffering from postpartum depression? Have a safe deployment and I hope everything works out for you.
2006-08-15 05:45:41 · answer #8 · answered by NCMOMMAAC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all those comments from her r from low self esteem and maybe some depression get her in to a doctor or counselor. Second hook her up with some other military wives so she can make friends who understand what it is like and have gone throught it. That would be the best thing for her to understand and deal with u leaving is to be around other military wives. Good luck and god bless.
2006-08-15 03:15:41 · answer #9 · answered by hubbys2ndbest2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, Iam a Gulf War Vet (91) . Have her go to a support group meeting with other spouses, contact your Sgt. Major or a person in your group whos wife can go talk to her and comfort her during this time. The more she knows about the deployment issues the more comfortable she will be with your absence. Hope this helps . Take good care and e-mail me anytime with questions.
six7@hotmail.com
2006-08-15 02:50:33 · answer #10 · answered by six7foru 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋