Has anyone ever successfully left an abusive marriage?

Question

We have young children together. I just never know when the right time to leave would be. Do you plan and risk changing your mind until the next violent episode comes, or just do it spur of the moment? I don't have much money, but I do have a job.

It is very difficult as the episodes leave me wishing I were dead, and afterwards, he apologizes and pampers us for a short period of time. I can always anticipate the next episode, though, maybe even weeks ahead of time.

Answer 1

Being a social worker I came across many of these cases. You must came to a point where you make up your mind what is best for you. And then get support from family and someone professional like social workers that do not ask money but can help you with the right way of handling your and your children's feelings. Get out it is not going to get better and believe me the children won't be better of dealing with the situation when they are older - children adapt better when they are young.

You owe it to them and most of all to yourself.

Answer 2

I have left an abusive relationship, but not a marriage...but, you need to get out hon...if not for yourself, than for your children. You don't want your little ones growing up thinking that this is okay. Otherwise, they will repeat the same patterns when they are older. You have a job, that is great. You NEED to plan ahead - not wait for emotions to take over. You have to secure a place to stay, figure out taking care of the kids, getting to work, or anything else that will become complicated. And you need to get an attorney. Then you need to go. Do not tell him you are leaving. Just leave a note (if you tell him, it may bring on another abusive episode). You must be resolved in your heart to leave for good. LIke you said, he will try to be nice and pamper you for a while, but you have to remember that it is just a trick and he will abuse again. Please you have to love your children enough to not let them grow up in that. They will suffer for the rest of their lives because of it and it is your duty as a mother to protect them above all else. Having them live in an abusive home is not protecting them! You know what you need to do. I know it is hard, but you have no other option.

Answer 3

I have left a violent and abusive marriage. You seem to have set your mind on the process of moving already, that is a good start as you are preparing mentally for the upheaval of moving out. 1st and foremost, you are entitled under common law to be protected against abuse, there are shelters for battered wives in the UK and US. The one thing to have on your side is your family or best friend, certainly someone you can trust will need to be your aide in the planning. Make a plan and stick to it, get out and make sure the children have plenty of their own things to take with them when you go, this will help them to divert attention from the sudden changes. The main solid ground that you could use is to have your partner arrested at the first sign of any violence, in fact you can even file a complaint now and get him out of your way while you get away with the children.












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Answer 4

Yes, I left an abusive marriage with 2 children. The right time to leave is NOW. The next violent episode could kill you.

Answer 5

yes i just left but did not have kids with him was with him for 5 years and finally got tired of it and just left however my sister was in one for 12 years and had 3 kids her hubby would get drunk and come home and beat her he even threw her down a flight of stairs for her mothers day gift one year i beat that man to a pulp for hurting her then the abuse started on the kids and she knew she had to get out so I helped her money wise with a dpt for a apt and she got out. Nobody should have to deal with that crap ask friends or family for a little help to move out make sure u do not go back they always say they r sorry and cry and all that stuff to get u back then once u go back they make u pay for leaving so make sure when u leave u take everything for u and the kids get a restraining order until u can get divorced and get a lawyer dont divorce on your own cause he can get it done the proper way to make sure visits with kids go smoothly so he dont take it out on them for u leaving and always there is places for battered women and children u can go and they can help u get set up in a place of your own and help with the divorce also contact them while he is gone and they will help u get things done. Good luck and god bless.

Answer 6

Yes, it is possible. The time to leave was yesterday. Check with the local churches for an organization that can help you move to a safe house, file the necessary paperwork (including restraining order), direct you to a counselor to help you get your self esteem back, and get your life back in order. When in doubt, just remember you are doing this for your saftey and the safety of your children. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Make an exit plan. Get extra clothes and any important documents together and stash them either at a friends house or somewhere hidden in the house. Wait until your abuser is not around then get your kids and go to the nearest shelter for abused women. They can help you get a protective order and get you on your feet.

Answer 8

hey... my aunt left the EXTREMELY abusive marriage she was in thanks to my pushing her...

you need to think about it in terms of your kids if not yourself - they are young and impressionable. what are they seeing? what are they learning? how scared and intimidated must they be of their father? is it right for them to be brought up in such a damaging environment? The answer is No, No, No!!!!

So the best way for you to leave is (what my aunt did) take your parents into confidence, fix a date with them and run off with your kids when he's not around. file a case against him (once you're away and if u can afford to) for divorce based on violence and claim your maintenance so that you keep getting your help to bring up the kids. you have a job anyway so your job's half done. your parents/family will be able to handle the rest...

don't be scared, just look at your little ones.. think about what they AND you deserve, and just get outta there! good luck!

Answer 9

I know that this is a difficult situation for you and your children espicially with them being young. I know it may be difficult for you because you may still love him. My mom had this happen to her because her ex-husband would mentally and sometimes physically abuse her. I was physically,emotionally,physical,and sexually abused. I was only his step-child. My mom had a job and everything but she was really scared to leave because she was not sure she afford being on her own with 3 children. She finally had to move because of what happened. If u want to e-mail me feel [e-mail]

Answer 10

Yes I did. We were married 13 years & have 2 sons & I left him in 1997. He abused me & the boys so badly that I sometimes don't trust men. I got the courage to leave when he almost killed me & the boys one night. Believe me the abuse starts out happening to you & eventually they start on the kids.