if your husband kept a secret for a month?

Question

how would you deal with your husband?

his ex all of a suden came back to his moms house to see how he was doing after four years. his sister gives her his number and i did not know that he was staying in contact with her for a month and a half. i brought it up to him and he felt at the time he didn't think it was a big deal because he had no feelings for her...

Answer 1

Depends entirely upon the secret.

Answer 2

If the secret is that he did not tell u that he stayed in contact with his ex well maybe he just felt it was not a big deal he feels that he moved on and is with u and that there was no harm being done but did not want u to worry or stress over it some people stay friends when they leave each other. Don't stress over something that has not happened but just ask him what she wanted if they do not have kids toegther what r her intentions with him? But don't get mad at him if u r upset be upset with the sister for giving out his number. How did u find out anyway? Did he tell u?

Answer 3

I don't think that it is a big deal, but you should have been able to make that decision. I would ask him what if your ex came back into the picture how he would feel about it. There could also be a trust issue even though nothing happen....it still deals with trust.

Answer 4

It's a little suspect that he didn't tell you. Maybe give him the benefit of the doubt for now - but I have to tell you that stuff like that is never innocent.

I've been there (where your hubby is) - it starts out innocent but doesn't really stay that way if you're not careful.

Also been caught in the middle of a jealous exes issues - you don't want that either. She could be out to just cause problems. Some people are like that - and men don't usually see it as easily as women do.

Answer 5

Don't worry about it,

It's quite possible that nothing was said just to avoid an uncomfortable situation. There are things I don't tell my wife like:
"I don't like the outfit you're wearing," or "That wasn't the best dinner you've made." I don't mean to make lite of the situation, but there is a high probability he didn't want to stir up fears or bad feelings for you that could lead to a negative confrontation or make you feel insecure when there was nothing to worry about.

I've had to travel for my business with a co-worker who happened to be female and I was very uncomfortable doing that, but not as uncomfortable as I was telling my wife about the trip. That included having dinners with another woman and spending lots of time alone with her before we went to our separate rooms at the hotel.

Answer 6

KEEP YOUR EYES AND EARS OPEN!

The best thing you can do in a situation like this is to act as if this does not even affect you.
You may feel like shattered glass inside, but NEVER let him know that this hurts you.
If you have already exposed your feelings to him in this manner, begin immediately to get yourself in check.
It's hard, but you've got to do it.
HOW?
DO NOT fight over him.
DO NOT fight with him.
DO NOT argue with him.
DO NOT browbeat him.
DO NOT 'clown'...don't go there.
The ball is in your corner and the very best thing you can do (for yourself) is to act as if this doesn't affect you one way or the other.
GO SILENT on him..BUT...DO NOT have an 'attitude'.
Do you feel me?
Be a woman of few (and I mean very few) words.
This will make HIM wonder what's going on inside YOUR head.
DO NOT get an attitude with him.
Be cool, calm, collected and put on an Oscar-winning performance!
DO NOT let anything or anybody disturb your cool.
Dry your tears and keep yourself looking and smelling good!

Now, your sister-in-law needs to be fed from a long-handled spoon.
Here again, DO NOT argue with her and DO NOT get an attitude with her.
Instead, kill the b*tch with kindness.
Be patient.
Trust me, when ALL of this is over, you will have the opportunity to give her the 'middlefinger''... and...you'll be able to do it with style, grace, and a smile on your face.
In closing, remember that this is a time that will try a woman's soul.
Hang on and work smart!

KEEP YOUR EYES AND EARS OPEN!

Answer 7

Most likely he didn't think it was a big deal. If you are angry with him over this, then he will be less inclined to tell you things in the future. Make him feel secure that he can tell you anything and you are not going to be angry. Men have that very simple mind where things like that don't matter to them.

Answer 8

I think I would feel threatand by my husband keeping that a secret from me ..I mean there is no reason for him hiding that from me if he is not doing anything wrong ..hmm i would be ANGRY!!! and hurt I would feel disrespected as his wife ..im not really sure how i would handle that ..I know I wouldnt feel very secure in my marriage if he was keeping secrets about talking with his ex . my heart goes out to you ..but you know ur husband ..do u think u have anything to worry about ? tell him to put his feet in your shoes and maybe he will understand y u feel the way u do ..I dontt hink he would like it if u wer talking to ur ex and not telling him about it ! be careful hun good luck to u and yours

Answer 9

It would depend on the secret now, wouldn't it?

If the secret was a new car for me, I think I might let it go just this time.
If the secret was that he'd been having an affair, I might feel it was time
to remove his chest hairs with a blow torch.

Answer 10

well if he has no feelings for her then he would have told you about it. the best thing for you to do is to keep your cool. because the ex may be trying to stir up some trouble. if you start acting the 'jealous wife' it could cause bigger problems down the road. one of the keys to a successful marriage is communication. and another is honesty.
remind your husband of that.