How do you deal with a friend who constantly screws up her life and I'm the backbone...?

Question

Relationship, family and money problems are a constant with her. I try to be there for support and to give advice but it's getting old. How much longer should I put up with this?

Answer 1

You shouldn't do it any longer for her sake and for your sake. It sounds like you are a "care taker". Don't be offended, it takes one to know one. I can only tell you that I put myself in the same position as you and the end results were catastrophic. I took care of every ones problems and needs to the point it effected my life. While my wife and I were busy talking care of family and friends we forgot to take care of our relationship and our individual needs. You can guess the end of that story. I am now not living with the woman that I love more then anything in this world.

For your sake, you come first. If you are busy focusing on your friend, who's taking care of your needs? That's right, no one. Of course you can still help your friend, but make sure to put up boundaries to protect yourself so the weight of your friend doesn't make you stumble.

Good Luck

Answer 2

I have dealt with people like that in my past before.
I will tell you this, move on and leave that person behind. Because they will drag you down. Just the fact that they are emotionally draining you is enough. The fact that you know they will never "improve" for themselves is a burden too heavy to carry.
You can't be her backbone. She is leaving off too much negative energy and pretty soon, it's going to start following you around. Not to mention, she's probably sucking the life out of you and she thinks she can screw up all she wants because you will always be there to bell her out of jams.
These kind of people will ring your sponge out dry. And they don't change. So ... you're waisting your money, your time and energy and it's not doing you no good in the long run.

Answer 3

I have a friend like that too, and it does become tiresome. She recently moved away because her step father found a job somewhere else. She's not happy with it because she wanted to live with her dad instead of her mom and step father, plus their money situation isn't all that good. I've tried to give her advice, but it just goes in one hear and out the other. All you can do is try your best and when nothing you say is helping or you're tired of constantly being the rock, then just leave her alone for awhile and let her figure it out for herself. She has to learn to stand on her own two feet, but that doesn't mean that when she really falls you can't pick her back up.

Answer 4

You did you part as a friend.
You lent a listening ear.
But some people, take an advantage of a good friend and go over board. She can't stop now because she knows she will be heard by you.
Change the subject as often as you can, and if she doesn't get the hint, then tell her that you can't change the way others think, but you can change the way you think, and from now on, you want to her what is positive in her life.
Some people thrive off of the down things in life ....if you continue to let her. The ball is in your court now.

Answer 5

Sound like you should have washed your hands of it a long time ago, start finding other things too do, make yourself un-available for a while, she'll get the hint and either come with you or stay at home and continue with whatever she's doing. Good luck!

Answer 6

I gave up a friend whom I knew for 10 years.. because she keeps going round and round in her hunt for relationship.. always falling for the wrong guys... when I told her they are not suitable for her.. she don't believe me.. mayb its true that love is blind.. sigh.. as a friend i juz dun want to see her being cheated and hurt... It is really energy draining picking her up after every failed relationship..

You need to let your friend grow up.. else you will be harming her for the rest of her life.. she needs to stand on her own..

Answer 7

Be honest with her and if she gets an attitude. then give her some space. also don't bail her out when shes in money problems she needs to grow up and accept responsibility.

Answer 8

You're going to have to let her hit rock bottom before she'll grow up; it will hurt, but wait until she's alone and homeless and then ask her if she's ready to change her habits.

Answer 9

let the friend go,they will never learn to do anything for themselves if someone is always picking them up.

Answer 10

she needs to learn to be her own back bone...by supporting her your making things worst....don't leave her but just let her know your not going to support her anymore!