A very close, platonic friendship I had with another male recently became a long-distance one. We discussed sexual orientation issues openly but did not reveal our own orientations to one another. Both of us are middle-aged and never married. He kept sending me articles and such about finding a female for marriage. Finally, I had had enough and came out to him. This did not bother him one iota and we continued to communicate as usual, but he continued to send these articles. Finally, I wrote him a letter and confronted him on his own sexuality. He never contacted me again. While in our realtime friendship, the man was perhaps the least homophobic fellow I ever met. Yet at the same time, his behavior towards other males and thought patterns were obviously not straight. It was his incessant need to hide his orientation from me that irked me to know end. I am a private man and respect the privacy of others. However, this fellow really upset me. And we had been close friends.
2006-08-13 23:12:48 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I am of the opinion that the friendship was going down hill. He had promised to tell me his own story before I left and then changed his mind just before my departure. We were confidants but I had confided more to him than he to me at the time. There was a great fear in him of family members finding out the truth.
2006-08-13 23:24:42 · update #1
We were very close friends. He was't ready to come out. He used the phrase "not totally straight."
2006-08-13 23:30:24 · update #2
Yes, I miss him largely because he was a non-straight close friend I could talk to openly about orienation issues, without the baggage of having a sexual relationship with him. And religion did play a role in his lack of direct openness about himself.
2006-08-13 23:33:13 · update #3
I think what you did was justified as a close friend..It's his behaviour whicn is inappropriate...I seems to me that maybe his life is still governed by Fear that someone might find out about his homosexuality. In any case, from the information that you've given me..I don't think that the next move is your choice..You may/maynot hear from him again..which is sad...maybe friendship meant something different to both of you.
2006-08-14 00:22:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though you've limited yourself in the type and quality of friendship(s) you've developed.
From what you've written, this friendship has seen its better days.
I would suggest that you become involved with some GLBT community organizations such as church (if you're prone to being a religious person), volunteer at the local community center, become involved in social activism or political activism. You mentioned that you are a private person. Involving yourself in any of the above need not be made 'public'; however, you WILL be surrounding yourself with a group of supportive individuals ... many of whom may have, or are going through, the same issues you've experienced.
Broaden your horizons and your network to allow more inclusivity. I believe you will be a happier and a better rounded person for it.
Best Wishes!
2006-08-14 01:02:43 · answer #2 · answered by Specious λ Neurotica 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all, congratulations for accepting you're sexuality. that is not any longer person-friendly, and the biggest impediment is accepting who we are. It took me a lengthy time period, and in hardship-free words in the near previous did I come out to my relations. i'm nevertheless no longer out to my associates, yet i'm engaged on that and at the same time as i'll varsity - i'd be popping out. No you're doing no longer some thing incorrect, even in spite of the undeniable fact that I do trust you as you've realised you're sexual orientation. I knew i become gay at 14 too! yet a lot of human beings will continually inform you "it is somewhat" that is not any longer - so do not grow to be at a loss for words if human beings inform you it is somewhat. in my opinion, i imagine it is a good idea to go back out once you're 16. I did, and that i imagine this become the great time to attain this.
2016-12-06 12:28:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Move on.
2. Gays with religious guilt, or other hang-ups are too messed up to have a relationship straight or gay.
3. Contact the gay community center near you & fraternize there. Forget this mixed up person. You can't live his life & you certainly don't want him to interfere with yours.
4. Go fish where there are fish to be caught.
5. This is his karma to work out.
2006-08-14 00:38:04 · answer #4 · answered by mitch 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did you ever consider the fact that even after you told him he continued to send the articles that he was saying either he wasn't ready to come out or he actually wasn't gay? It sounds like a very real possibility. I have known heterosexual males that would make every gay guys' radar go "ping" but they were still, VERY heterosexual. A lack of homophobic response is nothing but a lack of homophobic response. It indicates nothing else.
2006-08-13 23:25:56 · answer #5 · answered by IndyT- For Da Ben Dan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you truly were platonic then it shouldn't have been so important for you to know. I imagine if he wanted to talk about it he would have when he was ready, not when you were. Obviously something traumatic or personal kept him silent. I don't think it was worth being so persistent about his sexuality that you finally drove him away. I think you should call or write him again and apologize. You are obviously missing him.
2006-08-13 23:29:49 · answer #6 · answered by GreyGHost29 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps your response to his articles sounded to harsh and it finally showed him that he himself is fighting with an issue of his own sexuality. He must have been denying his own desire perhaps due to religious ties. He could be acting out what he himself should be doing. May the days ahead be bright for you and your Friend.
2006-08-13 23:19:52 · answer #7 · answered by Arzy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people can't leave the closet - even to a fellow gay man. He can probably only have anonymous sex. He is in his own prison and the keys are in his hands. I'd tell him to get therapy at this point.
2006-08-13 23:39:38 · answer #8 · answered by Think.for.your.self 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think anybody else can know whether you did the right thing, but here's a thought: would your friendship have survived if you had kept silent?
2006-08-13 23:16:57 · answer #9 · answered by snowwings 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think u were justified in what u done
we all have to put our foot down at times
even when preserving a friendship u cant be tolerant to every piece of crap they throw at u
u can still talk to him and explain even fi he dosent want to reply
2006-08-13 23:21:20 · answer #10 · answered by Ĩ Дιит Ќѓцѕ†¥ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋