is it normal for step dad to not allow step child interact with our new baby. he says is to protect our baby!?

Question

he tells my 7 year old son to stop laughing with her and not to kiss her and he told him off cause i was bathing her and he was in there with me playing with her and he said to give his daugher privacy. she is only 6 months old. I feel is important to interact siblings. but my boyfriend says he need to protect our daughter.and that he is my son and not his so he feels differently. I am really struggling with this we argue all the time. any answers would be appreciated.

Answer 1

its normal for siblings to interact - even half siblings. It sounds as if you are treating your children fairly and encouraging your eldest to take an active part in the babys life so he doesn't get left out.
Your husband sounds as if he has some issues - a six month old baby does not need privacy. Regardless of the fact that it is not his son it is his daughters brother and they need to be able to bond.

Perhaps something happened to him when he was younger or he is just over reacting.

He might need some councelling.

Answer 2

okay...

My wife and I have 3 children... all our own... from day 1... so I can't really comment outside of marriage.

I can however comment on his desire to protect his little girl.

I was never upset about our eldest sone intereacting with his brother... but his sister... well... I dunno... i'm not protective.... but I wish he would interact a little differently from time to time...

I do also understand your b/f's need to have space with teh daughter,... remember, this is his first child, adn I was that way with our eldest son... it's instinct... but he will come round in time to allow his stepson to play wtih his sister... she is after all his sister.

Give it time... and please understand that your b/f means no harm... I hope he is good to your son otherwise... which I'm sure he must be as you don't say he says or does other stuff to him... it's just around the daughter.

To be honest, the daughter is too young just yet to be affected so badly... when they are older they will interact in other ways that your b/f will also like and appreciate.

Just give him some space and gradually allow the bro and sis to interact when the Father is not there... m,aybe he's been at work so much and want's some quality time with her... don't knock him for it or you may find it having adverse effects that make trouble in the relatisonship... I mean that it might cause him to feel hurt or annoyed and retaliate out of instinct... not badness.

So, give him some space with his daughter, don't allow your son to become isolated from his sister, and make sure that you rmember to tell your b/f that she is your daughter too... not only his, that you are a family and families are a unit... if he wasn't there in time to come, the big brotehr would be the male figure in the girl's life... and anything can happen.

But it will work out if you focus on what I said... jsut try to understand it from his point of view, and then, work on blending the whole family into a unit where he can ahve his little quality time with his little princess and he spends time with the family as a whole... also... get him interacting with the stepson again.. .just them... that is also important... maybe the son feels left out and the stepfather hasn't spoken to the boy about it in a way that makes him understand and still feel appreciated.

Hope this helps.

Answer 3

This situation could develop into something serious if nothing is done. So don't do nothing!!! My advice would be to get some professional advice, even if it's over a family hotline. But, essentially it is your partner who really needs some help in understanding why he chooses to alienate your child in favour of your child together.

Unfortunately, it could be said that one instinct for a father who cares for his and other children is to prefer his own, but this is not the only way it happens. He sounds like he is currently fending off your son, so that his daughter gets all of your attention and his, to the detriment of your son. Don't allow him to, because that is the beginning of a nasty pattern of favouritism, which will continue throughout your children's lives. Your son may develop some serious behavioural disorders if he believes that he is not loved, or worse if he believes that he is not worthy of love. Do you want him to grow up believing that?

Make a stand before it's too late for your two children. They need each other, and you. Him? I'm not too sure. Every healthy and self-confident person has an infinite capacity to love, so why hasn't he? I'd be very worried about it. It says something about the man he really is. Start delving into his character, and make your own judgment on that matter. Then you will know if you WANT to be with him, not just SHOULD be with him because of family obligations.

Answer 4

All of your feelings are founded, interaction is an important skill in life and is beneficial to both of your children. Its good that your son accepts his new sister and does nt feel left out, and your right to encourage it! He sounds lovely.
Your right not to accept your husbands behaviour, it seems he is the only one who has a problem, although your husband is not the father of your son I'm sure that you both came as a package deal and as an adult he chose to have the responsibility. As time passes highlight how well brother and sister get on and how they benefit each other, your husband will see your little boy loves his sister and vice-versa.
It must be hard for you being torn between people you love , dont forget to take time out for you even if its having a bubblebath and reading a favourite magazine!
Good luck

Answer 5

Honestly, on my behalf I don't think its normal or right for a stepfather to not allow their child to interact with their half sibling. I mean she is your daughter and he is your son, regardless of the faternal position of the matter. Do what you think is right. If you think that your children should be together, then try to discuss it with him. That the baby is your son's sister. Rather it be full or half siblings. Because I have two halfsiblings but to me, they are completely full because I constantly grew up around them and interacted with them, I never cared that we had different fathers. But trying to seperate them would only bring about resentment from the son. He probably doesn't understand why he can't play with his little sister and maybe thats hurting him??? Trying to stop them from becoming close siblings isn't protected the daughter at all.

Answer 6

This is a terrible way to treat a child. Your boyfriend knew you had a child from a previous marriage and should accept him.
I married my husband when my daughter from a previous marriage was 2. I've since had 2 more children and all 3 of my kids get treated exactly the same by my husband.
You need to start issuing ultimatums to your partner otherwise you'll eventually end up losing your son.
You need to tell your partner that he either accepts your son and treats him the same as his own child or your finished. Your kids should always come first and you shouldn't allow your partner to treat your son in this way.
Your son will end up resenting you and his sister if this problem continues.
Good Luck

Answer 7

That's not normal, it's wrong!
Of course the seven year old has to be taught to be gentle with the baby, but he should definitely be encouraged to be part of his sister's life.
I come from a huge extended family where there is always at least one or two babies being passed around at any party or reunion. All of the children are encouraged to play with and hold the current batch of babies, and are taught how to do so properly.
It will be harmful to your son's well-being if your boyfriend keeps being so unfair and so unreasonable. Children are deeply traumatized when parents and other adults choose favorites and treat them differently. Your boyfriend needs to understand that both children need to be protected and encouraged, not just his child.

Answer 8

My question to you... How can you love a man who doesn't love your son as his own? It may not seem like much of a big deal right now, but your son is a human being to. If your bf isn't going to protect your son as he does his daughter, get rid of him. Sounds like you are going to have a tough time in court with him. But, I promise you that if you do not stand up for your son now, you will have problems with your son later on. I know, my 14 yr old is already in juvenile. I mean, just ask yourself this, is it that hard to look into your 7 yr olds innocent face and deny him happiness? Apparently it is to your bf. He might be jealous of your son or something. Find out what the deal is and if he can't fix it, get rid of him.

Answer 9

how is it protecting the baby? is your 7 year old a rapist or murderer?sounds like the father may have some sexual issues, which you need to discuss.

your son may be in danger of feeling guilty and will eventually resent his sister. it does not seem as if your man has accepted your son properly, which must be a burden for you. this should be a time of joy ,with a young baby . tell him that he is creating arguments,which is also dangerous to the baby.

if he is not interested in getting professional help ,as many men are, i think it is due to knowing that he is wrong and not wanting to be set corrected.read up on these issues as they must be common in step-relationships.

i wish you peace.

Answer 10

Siblings should interact. I was in a relationship where I already had a child from a previous relationship and I married a man who adored my son, then we had a child of our own and then it all changed, he becamce very hostile towards my son and over the years it just got worse, I left him in the end (for my sons sake) I just wish I had done it sooner. Make a stand now or believe me it will gradually get worse. Good luck