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she died a couple of days ago and i miss her loads. everyone says that it is okay but its not its unfair. she was still very young.

2006-08-13 23:02:43 · 28 answers · asked by Ashley 2 in Family & Relationships Friends

28 answers

It's not OK; it'll never be ok and people that say that are trying to help you but don't realize that you can see through that nonsense. Losing anyone is one of life's most difficult things by far, and to lose a best friend is something that a lot of people can't comprehend, because they don't allow themselves to get that close to people. SO, you cry and you grieve and you do what you need to do to let her know you're thinking of her. And you do what you need to do to make going through the next few weeks easier for you, but don't hide from how painful it is, and don't let anyone take your pain away either. Remarks like, "Are you still thinking about _________, It's been a month now" can and should be met with utter contempt (unless you really don't feel that way!) Because you're not on anybody elses timeframe to get over your best friend. I could write a book about my best friend Amanda. And so I did, I wrote for me to get closure, but I wrote it for her to honor what a beautiful influence, a wonderful girl/ woman, the closest friend, the best person a person could know. I asked all of our friends to contribute a chapter after I was done with my saga and then had it printed and distributed amongst our group and it is actually one of the most beauiful tributes I've ever seen. There are going to be times coming up when you'll see something and think " I can't wait to get home to tell Amanda about..." and it'll hit you she's not there to tell. So be generous to yourself, forgive your tears that will come up when you don't expect them to. (Damn, that radio station!) and know when it's time to let her go. You'll know, she'll never be far.
SO for your friend:

We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. - Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

2006-08-13 23:34:03 · answer #1 · answered by Sidoney 5 · 0 0

I am so very sorry for your loss. The best way you can deal with this is by actually dealing with it. Don't bury your feelings, or put on a brave face. It's okay to cry, it's okay to be sad, it's okay to miss her. Although right now you will find it hard to believe; time really is a great healer. You will never stop loving her, but everyday it will become just a little bit easier to cope with her not being around. Find comfort in your memories. My heart goes out to you at this awful time, be gentle on yourself, dont expect too much from yourself, take it easy, allow yourself this time to grieve and reflect. I lost my best friend many years ago, and i never thought the day would come where i wouldnt cry for him, sometimes the pain was so bad that i could hardly breathe; but now, 8 years later, i can think of him and be happy because of the amazing times we shared. I still get sad sometimes, especially on the anniversary of his death or on his birthday, but i get on with things because i know thats what he would have wanted. Right now you just need to look after yourself and find comfort in whichever way suits you as a person; whether that's talking to friends and family, going to a place you and your friend used to visit, writing down your feelings, whatever. Don't let anyone tell you how you should be feeling, or what you should be doing. Grief is such a personal thing, and the journey is one we can only make as individuals. My thoughts are with you. X

2006-08-13 23:17:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

wow, just read all your answers and I can't stop the tears. I lost a child I used to nanny for 3 years ago, to Asthma and it still really hurts as I didn't know she'd died until after her funeral and I never got that chance finally to say goodbye. That's been the worst bit for me, so at the funeral make sure you say goodbye, just until you see her again, as one answer says, you'll be old and she'll still be young. You have your memories and they're the most amazing thing ever, it's a special gift we have to be able to recall events that made us happy or sad, I don't think animals have this ability, so be glad of that, that you can remember and laugh as well as cry at the good and the sad times. Grief is there for a purpose, tell strangers and people around you how you feel, you'll soon realise there are more people out there who do know exactly what you're going through. everyone's experience is obviously different but unfortunately it's something we all have to experience at one time or another in our lives, all part of the cycle of life. Also makes us grow as people, in a good way. Make a special book with her pictures in it and don't be too sad when you look at it, without knowing her you wouldn't have that book. I remember a boy died at our school in a car crash and on the day of the funeral my car bonnet blew off on the motorway and I had to drive there without it on, I remember being soooooooooo embarrassed driving in to the crem but everyone said it made the day because he would have thought that was hilarious! So, think of some really happy things that you had with your friend and cherish those things with other people too, being able to laugh is just as good as letting those tears flow freely, don't ever block them for fear of being embarrassed, sharing your grief will help. Good luck and be strong, only when you're ready though.

2006-08-14 06:58:51 · answer #3 · answered by hana169 1 · 0 0

Death is never fair and there is never a good time. Just try and remember all the happy times you had together and hold on to them. I don't think you can fully get over the loss of a close friend, but in your own way you will manage to deal with it eventually. Keep smiling about those happy times, your friend would much prefer that, rather than you walking around with a sad face.

2006-08-13 23:13:04 · answer #4 · answered by Stephen H 4 · 0 0

I agree with you, it does not feel fair, however life often is not fair,it is our own perception! Dear, please let yourself go through the emotions, feelings, it is very painful losing a person we love. There are people you can find, who will give you emotional support. Yes, it is okay to miss your friend, it is called grieving. Emotions, at this time will bring you pain, it can cause confusion, forgetfullness, tears, waves of emotions, things can get overwhelming,even feel like your losing your mind! Please believe me, the grieving process will at some point change, you will know when that happens. I can not tell you I understand your pain or emotion,s, because they are yours, I can tell you I am no stranger to loss, the end of this month my son will be gone 2yrs and still waves of emotion come whenever, where ever, they choose! You may hear people tell you all different things, some you will not like! There are no answers for Why and of course there will be a void within you! You must have good memories, no one can take that from you. I do not know, if you like to read, there is a book called " Roses in December, Comfort for the Grieving Heart, it is helpful reading during this time of loss. There are groups you could attend in your area for people who have had a loss. The Compassionate Friends is Nationwide, and they send Newsletters if requested, this group is for people who have lost a child sibling or friend, it has meetings 1 time a month. The hospitals have meetings for people having a loss, even your church may have info about meetings. You do not have to face this alone and isolating too much is not helpful. Talk about your friend with your friends, family, her family if they are willing, do not worry about sharing. I wish family had shared and talked to me about my son. People, often are not sure what to say, or if they might say something, that will hurt. Things that, are so hard to cope with are, in some way teaching us something, this is not always something we recognize at first. You can journal, write about what you are feeling, if you do not understand those emotions someone who can help is a grief professional or your family, a friend, a Pastor, but those who have experienced simular pain will have an understanding they, can help you. Do not forget GOD, you may be angry with him but, you can state your thoughts to him and ask God to give you strength in what you are going through. Maybe, I said too much, or not the words you need to hear, I hope you get something from what I wrote. I think you are young, are you? I am sorry for your loss and hope you find this stuggle not to be too overwhelming! People have insight into loss especialy if someone very close to them has passed! You are okay, it is normal to have deep and confused emotions at this time. Bless You!

2006-08-14 00:53:35 · answer #5 · answered by my4dogs 3 · 0 0

Hi I have lost many friends&loved ones&its a very hard process for many..but for others like myself we understand that they were meant to go when they did&that theres a plan for each of us..Keep the memories with you but dont dwell on the past&how YOU vould have changed anything cause when its your time its your time,remember or try to have an open mind about fate..I am a natural spiritualist&i pass on messages from loved ones who have passed on for many years world wide..It hurts,I know,But once the person knows where there loved one is&what they say etc to them,there is no greater joy cause they know now that person is happy,&it gives them believe..that when you pass your not just over..you live on..
&often you will get messages from that person to show you they do,but many ignore them..if you need spiritual advice regarding your friend or if any1 else does pls contant me,you will be happy you did..pls dont blame yourself..thats certainly not the lan unless you kiled them..
which i know you didnt..you cry because you have lost someone YOU loved or CARED about..YOU do..not because they are gone or have died,but because you miss them,its the ego you see,thinking about how 'you will never see that person again' not cause they have passed but because you will miss them its a selfish egotistical act not making you selfish just that yu miss them&its you your thinking about when you cry the fact YOU wont see them again,or that YOU wont be able to do things with them,YOU wont e able to help them&on&on..DONT blame yourself..one day you will understand,until tht day be happy they hve passed&are now at peace...
love&light

Auriel
your new friend..
x

2006-08-14 04:21:59 · answer #6 · answered by aurielwiccan 1 · 0 0

I don't really know what to say to you, because nothing is going to make you feel any better right now.

But I am so sorry about your friend, I lost my Best friend when we were 17 and at 31 I still think about her everyday. I might remember something that we had done (usually daft things) or I might think about what she would be like now. (probably still mad as a brush) The only thing that I would say is to talk as much as you want about her and cry as much as you want because it is a huge loss but don't forget that there are still people around you who care about you as much as she did so try not to shut them out.(as I did for a while)

This might sound shitty but time is a great healer, and for as bad as things feel right now it does get better but it also takes time.

Take care of yourself and remember the good times.

2006-08-14 00:17:38 · answer #7 · answered by kookiboo 3 · 0 0

Its very hard to loss some one so young and that you love so much Ive lost so many loved ones In my life but when I was 12 the next store neighbor boy his nickname was Rocky we were going to get married when we got older he played football for the school we went to and I was on the cheerleader squad the day that he passed away we were in 7TH grade I saw all the fire trucks and ambulance out side of the school but I didnt think to much of it at that time when my best friend Robin and I came down the street and walked up to my house I heard his mom screaming to the top of her lungs I looked at Robin and she said he passed away at school I went nuts like I said at that age you my not know who you want to marry but he was the one when we went to the furneal home and payed my repects In my mind I saw him sitting up on the top of caskit he was laughing at us and I got pist off yelling back at him why did you leave me here whats wrong with you at that point my family took me home and that was the last time I say him to this day I think what would we have been doing or how many babies would we have had but I think when I get to heaven he will still be young and I will be old but he will know who I am I'm 45 now and time heals all just remember all the good times that you had on her birthady you can let a ballon go and on the date of her death you dont have to for get her shell always be in your heart always God Bless you and yours

2006-08-13 23:35:10 · answer #8 · answered by Libra 3 · 0 0

theres no way any of us can help you deal with your best friends death cos we all deal with grief differently you are going to experience so many different emotions but they are all part of the healing process and you never come to terms with what happened try to remember the good times you have shared and if you feel like screaming how unfair this is do it smash some old plates good luck thinking of you .xxx

2006-08-14 04:14:58 · answer #9 · answered by ladybird 3 · 0 0

u never actually deal with death as time goes on u just learn to accept it when a person dies young u just feel cheated and angry because its so unfair but one day ull be able to look back and remember your friend and laugh instead of cry youve got lots of hurdles to overcome but ull get there my deepest wishes are with u sweetheart i know what ur going through you feel as though your heart is breaking but please trust me in time the pain will ease take care

2006-08-13 23:17:37 · answer #10 · answered by hummer 1 · 0 0

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