I'm with someone but I'm in love with someone else. What do I do?

Question

So well I have a boyfriend of exactly one year and 5 days today and we just had a little baby boy who will be 3 mo old on the 16th.
We were only together for a week when I got pregnant but we didn't find out til I missed my mounthly friend the following mounth. Now I feel stuck because we didn't really know each other very well when I got pregnant, we were just trying to have fun and my feelings for him have never developed the way I thought they would. I still love my ex very much and think about him everyday (even though my ex doesn't know and I would never tell him unless I was free to do something about my feelings). I love my new baby boy very much but I don't feel the same for his dad and don't know what to about it. The relationship with my baby's dad just feels like it's going no where fast. All we seem to do is argue, we never have sex anymore, we never go do anything,and we never have anything to say to each other accept about normal everyday stuff. I'm so confused helpme

Answer 1

If you think that maybe it would be best to stay together for the sake of your baby, then just imagine how miserable that would make you feel every day. As your child grows they will sense that something's wrong. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. So, if you're happy, your baby will be happy. You'll have more love to give, and you won't waste away the years with a growing resentment for your boy and his father. It's a pity that you didn't consider these things before having him, but he's here now, and you love him, so you've just got to do what's beneficial for both of you in the long run. Don't sacrifice your self-esteem, because your son will never appreciate it, and may actually regret that you didn't follow your heart on his account.

Whatever you do, don't forget that your son has two parents. He will need his dad to be a strong influence in his life, so try if you can not to make the break-up messy and hateful. If you approach the conversation with a clear argument, and are honest about your feelings toward him, he will thank you in the long run. I know lots of people who would have been saved a whole lot of heart ache if someone had just told them the truth.

If you keep lying to him about your feelings then you're disrespecting him. Allow him to make up his own mind. You owe it to yourself, your boy, and his dad. Don't be afraid to say, "This just isn't what I wanted. I want out." No-one ever said that being a mum is the end of everything you ever wanted. So, go out there and get it. Just keep a level head, you have someone's life in your hands now.

Good luck!!!!

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear about your dilemma.

However, I think you have already partially answered it yourself by talking about your ex.
It is natural for us to remember only the good times, and to forget the bad. If you are able to work out why he is your ex, then this will help. Why did the previous relationship fail?

Another bit of help, and I have much experiemce in this area, is that going back NEVER works out. If it didn't work the first time, then it certainly wont work the second.

So, if you are able to get round the situation that there is no going back, then those thoughts will leave your mind, and create some thinking space with which to move forward.

I would suggest, once the ex is truly out of the mind, that you have a serious discussion with your current man. I reckon its worth a real big try, just for the baby's sake if nothing else.

There seems as though there might be room to develop your current relationship if you both recognise that there is a problem which needs to be worked on. Yes you need to have sex - its what brought you together in the first place.

Cook him a nice dinner, wear something sexy, and fondle him, while you tell him that you would really like to make an effort to turn the relationship into something really positive. Ask him for ideas of pleasant things that you can do together, and then go do them.

Best of luck - I'm sure your love for the baby will make the whole thing work out well.

Answer 3

Do not think of yourself and put all the problem to you child in the future. Get what I mean?

If you knew that you were not in love with that guy, why did you make love with him? If you did it, you should consider the consequences as well and now it's the time for you to face it.

Nothing much I can say.. Just do the right thing next time and believe that everything will be fine. It's not worth it to mourn over something that has over.

Answer 4

i think u must hv thought tht before going for enjoyment. having sex without love just for the sake of fun is totally abominable. but the time has passed on . so according to me , rather than recalling and remebering ur ex, u should move on. u should now try to concentrate on ur present and try to make ur relationship better and far more good at least for ur child,s future.i guess u wud be tht caring abt ur child. u dont want him to be depressed or confused abt ur relationships. i am sure, though it may take time, but, if u both try , surely u and ur partner will start to love each other.
all the best

Answer 5

if you left would you take your son???

what about joint custody??

would your ex be interested in getting hooked up with you, with a baby in tow???

you gotta decide the best things for your son first... then yourself second...

and a lot of hard decisions need to be made... if you and your current partner aren't happy together, then a split would be preferable...

Answer 6

have u ever try to communicate with baby's dad for the sake of the kid?love take time to develop..no harm trying jus for the kid..afterall u dun wan him to be fatherless...

Yr ex is a risk buy now...u got no time for tat...

Answer 7

Nothing new about this situation. You must make up your own mind. Best idea seems to be to take off by yourself for awhile to do that.

Answer 8

Would be nice to be with'em for the baby but if u love someone else u should be with the one u love.

Answer 9

follow your heart

Answer 10

it's up to your feeling u have to ask your heart