SO if you guys read my other 3 questions asked, which are basically the same one, you will understand that I just Said GoodBYE to the Love of my Life!It was time,he was my 1stLove, then moved across the country4sports &when he came back beg of this year we had a wondrful friendship with the occasional sex.Neither one of us dated anyone else,but we didnt title ourselves bf/gf.Well,I got drunk last week&told him that i loved him,after that I got so mad at myself 4saying it cuz i knew he wasnt ready for it,so i ignored his phone calls.
Realizing that this was wrong,I called him 2talk&he jus left my house.THIS HURTS.We talkd&he said how much he loved me&cared 4me,but didnt want to commit rite now cuz he might be leavin the country for a year.However I know in my heart that if he really loved me,he would want to be with me.SO i made him say it OUT LOUD, in order4me to finally get over it&get closure. I MADE HIM SAY that He is not in Love with me.This was the rite thing to do rite?
2006-08-13 22:49:03 · 9 answers · asked by Armenianchick1978 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I mean I still love him& I know he obviously cares4 me& loves me, He is just NOT IN LOVE WITH ME .... which Ohhh my god , hurts sooo bad.... I mean I never before was in a position like that. CAN u imagine considering someone to be the Love of your life and you not being theirs ?
Wow ..... I know in my heart i had to let him go, but i mean now it will be so weird ... should I stay friends or totally cut him off and ignore him ? He tells me he is scared of commited and needs to find himself, however I know this is probly bull because i say that to guys that I am not interested in, just to not hurt their feelings.
Because If you really LOVED SOMEONE, you would want to be with them , rite ? you wouldnt care about this or that , you would just want to be with that person , Or wouldnt you ?
Is it possible to Love someone and choose not to be together with them ?
Because at the end when he left he did say , you know i want you , u know i love you .... But i want him to be with me.
2006-08-13 22:54:21 · update #1
Hey...
Just take a deep breath, it's okay and you'll make it through this.
It does sound like you guys were close but not completely willing to make the final commitment.
Things might have changed over time. You never know. Even good relationships can't be pushed into something more than they are without destroying them -- relationships can be very delicate.
So forcing him to say he "didn't love you" could have been putting words in his mouth and put a stop to something that might have developed further over time, when you guys both got a little older and wiser and more sure about what you wanted. You just don't know what might have happened.
(I usually prefer to leave things open -- i.e., in this case, I wouldn't have made any promises for the future but wouldn't have wanted to burn any bridges either.)
There are some concerns about real relationship here. You had a relationship established before he moved, but then you were separated by a large distance, geographically, for a long time; and he's now going overseas.
It's very very difficult to make any real relationship work and deepen, with such physical distance involved.
Overall, the breakup was probably for the best -- but I would have left it in terms of, "Neither of us should 'wait around' for the other, but maybe when you come back, we could see where things go if we are both still interested..."
Are you okay with the idea of moving on? I know you're still uncertain about what you did. Just accept that, for right now, that relationship is at a halt; and you need to get out and enjoy your life for what it is, romance or not. You never know who you might meet in the future or if things will work out with your ex at a far later date, once you both get older.
Just take a deep breath, remember the past fondly, enjoy where you are at now, and look for new people to meet.
2006-08-14 02:51:29 · answer #1 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No! It was not the right thing. You forced him to say he didn't love you after he already told you he did. For heavens sake girl if you really love this guy you should tell him so he knows where you stand then he has the right to refuse or accept the love you have to offer but don't beat yourself up if he doesn't love you. No matter what you never forget the first man you love, its an unconditional part of growing up and learning about relationships. You better say sorry and see if he still wants you after he's been away. You cannot have closure with a forced confession that makes you feel justified in your actions. when you were drunk. Perhaps you were scared of rejection. Try again only this time do sober
2006-08-13 23:05:51 · answer #2 · answered by dinkydidawn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, if that was the choices that you have made him to do and he did not replied to you, that mean it was never intented to be a B/G relationships, as you have never acknowledge each other relationship in front of each other.
Thou the relationship has last you a period of four years, did you really understand him? and how much do you really know about what he want? does he understand you as well? or it is just a sex thing in minds.
This is unsure for us, but you will know and understand better. i am a third party offering an advised or opinion and i feel that you are sad because of the time wasted on the guy and he is the first guy that you are committed with. neverthless face that fact and get on with your life, though realtionship hurts but you will find another man of yr lifes in time to comes.
Do not grief what you have lost, but be happy that you be meeting someone whom will like you out there, today, tomorrow, for it will be a day or marvel and wonder to come.
Yesterday is a memory that linger in your minds, but no matter what it is, lifes will continue and time will not wait and grief with your sorrow.
Take care and good luck.
2006-08-13 23:05:39 · answer #3 · answered by wilsonicolas w 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it depends who your trying to convince. You sound confused, and you don't sound like you've let go at all. But the fact of the matter is that he was hones with you, he told you that he does care for you, but since hes moving he doesn't see a point commiting himself to you. I think you should respect him for that and try and move on as hard as it sounds, if its meant to be its meant to be. Try to realise that now you 2 are going seperate ways, so its best that you break up on good terms, hey look on the bright side at least he didnt cheat or anything.
2006-08-13 23:28:40 · answer #4 · answered by Emiliana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My opinion is yes and no. yes because he keeps skirting the issue of not wanting to commit to a relationship with you and has come up with reasons not to be in a relationship with you. so what it boils down to is you needed closure so you will not feel bad about moving on with your life and dating someone who does want to be in a relationship with you.
no because he did profess his love for you. is it possible for you to leave the country with him just so ya'll can be togeather? I am almost positive it hurt him a lot when you made him tell you he was not in love with you. im sure there were tears in both ya'lls eyes and you both broke down and cried about the situation.
to be perfectly honest and from my point of view you did what you had to do to move on in your life.
2006-08-13 23:01:19 · answer #5 · answered by xgreenerx2001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well..touching story girl..you know in life there are heartbreaking htings like that.the good thing is that we can learn from those experiences.yes, there is pain and i can feel it by your story even if i havent experienced exactly what you've been through. that will teach you to be strong.and girl, so that you wont be that hurt again, dont have sex with someone you are not sure if he loves you.guys can have sex with someone they dont love.remember that.whereas to us girls, we usually haev feelings before we have sex.
good luck to you.....
2006-08-13 23:09:18 · answer #6 · answered by snoopy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im still in love with a women who i know is in love with me, yet we cant be together.Cnt say exactually why, becoz it might freak you out but its true.Now that is a bad feeling.
2006-08-13 23:03:17 · answer #7 · answered by tunachunks199 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's better to have loved and hurt then not to have loved at all just think your young and have your life full of new lovers this was your first
2006-08-13 22:56:55 · answer #8 · answered by stefania_n2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no it wasn't. id rather have someone still love me and not be with them then to have someone not love me. you just got to move on. its gonna be tough but you can persevere. I don't get a chance to be with my first love she died long go.
2006-08-17 17:04:45 · answer #9 · answered by Jase Mighty Pirate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋