me and my boyfriend have been together for a few years already. lots of things have happened that showed how much he cares for me and how much he loves me. the answer is alot..
but i just dont know why he always says things with intentions trying to hurt me and make me angry, e.g. he always start to talk about his only ex-girlfriend whereas he is my first love; or things like other girls are trying to ask her out although later i would discover that its not true etc etc (i really dont understand why)
i dont often get mad, but when i do, he would always blame me for ruining his weekend since he always says: 'when we are happy, we are really just so happy, but when we are sad, we just feels ho sad and ho down'. (FYI we only see each other at weekends and we dont argue much, whenever we are not ok, we just dont talk, which makes the atmosphere so 'abnormal' if you know what i mean)
i always talk to him about this, he always says he would change, but he never changes...
what shal i do?thx
2006-08-13 22:47:55 · 47 answers · asked by Taxi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you are wrong - he does not love you.
just because he is capable of the occasional romantic event or whatever, does not count as love.
if he loved you like i love my wife then the last thing he would ever want to do would be to hurt you either physically or emotionally. love is to protect and cherish, at all costs, at any time, he would put your feelings first and his second.
he sounds very immature. challenge him about it, if he can not be adult enough to have a constructive discussion (not an argument) then you should question whether you want to be with him long term. challenge him and tell him you are feeling hurt by his actions. if he really loves you he will apologise and ask you what it is he can do to change and actually do something about it.
if he does not change you should seriously think about moving on. Marrying someone that hurts you will end up in a sad partnership and probably divorce. Remember what I said, love is to protect and to cherish, at all costs, all the time.
2006-08-13 23:48:20 · answer #1 · answered by BigBoy 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
well sometimes i feel this way with my parents. I know they care about me and love me but theyre constantly telling me about how i need to lose weight, how my sisters so smart, how i never do anything right. When i confront them about it, they say they apologize and won't do it again. but they do. Long distance relationships are hard enough, but he cant expect you to entertain him everytime you guys see each other. it is a relationship and come relationship comes conflict. So i suggest sitting down with him and telling him that the things he say hurt you whether or not he says it out of kindness. it doesnt matter how much he says he'll change, you don't see it happening. Do not allow him to blame you. You are not a victim. Try the 'thigns i love you' routine in which when you two have a problem say something you like about each other. Hope all goes well
2006-08-13 22:52:30 · answer #2 · answered by andthatshypocricy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but this relationship just isn't right. Why don't you see him during the week? If he is deliberately winding you up to hurt you, then he doesn't love you. You cannot be happy if you only see him at weekends and a lot of that time is spent not talking and in an atmosphere. You are worth much more than that and don't deserve this treatment. My ex was like this, but he was a weak and insecure man who had to put me down to boost his own ego. I would say yours is doing this too. Value yourself and move on because you owe it to yourself to get out of this emotionally and psychologically abusing relationship.
2006-08-14 00:36:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Point 1) THEY NEVER CHANGE. A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. Nobody will change, they may modify their behavior for a while, but it will not last and they will revert back to basic personality traits they have now.
Point 2) He's being a manipulative person. He does it to try to control you by your emotional responses
Point 3) He's exhibiting a very scary trait of blaming you for his bad behavior. 'You made me hit you' is ridiculous, but before you defend him and indicate he's never hit you...trying to make you hurt to control your behavior IS a form of abuse. And the 'you made things bad it's all your fault' when it's him acting like a jerk is the same thing. Don't Believe It! The problem is his, and he won't change.
I think you should leave before he can ruin your life. Trust me I know.
2006-08-13 23:36:06 · answer #4 · answered by Arlene06 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
you both sound insecure to me,,he makes up stories to make you jealous,and you bite,,and you keep putting up with it. talk to him about being more open with each other,,your relationship cannot move on like this,,you will be stuck in this rut until one of you ends it and i do believe the other one will have no understanding as to why. spell it out,,if one of you has something to say,spit it out,dont make up things,,if he knows it upsets you then that is the emotion he is trying to get,,you upset and leaning more on him,,gives him a certain amount of power over you and for him to want this he is insecure and needs you hankering after him.not good.next time he does it tell him you love him but at the moment he is a pig and you do not like him very much,,he needs to know the difference between pushing you and pushing you too far.
2006-08-13 22:55:15 · answer #5 · answered by lex 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL "HANG-UPS". IT'S AN ATTITUDE/PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEM. MAYBE HE REALLY DOES LOVE YOU BUT HE'S JUST A JERK. BUT EVEN SO, REALIZING THAT HIM BEING A JERK HURTS YOU, HE WOULD TRY TO CHANGE HIMSELF FOR LOVE SAKE. IF HE DOESN'T, THEN YOU HAVE THE ANSWER CRYSTAL CLEAR, HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU AT ALL!
WITH ME, I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT IF A PERSON LOVES ME, HE'LL NEVER HURT ME AND WILL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE ME HAPPY. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF HE CAN'T MAKE ME LAUGH FOR AS LONG AS HE WON'T MAKE ME CRY. AND SO FAR I'VE PROVEN THAT RIGHT AND STILL USE IT AS A GUIDING PRINCPLE, FOR MEN AND WOMEN IN GENERAL. "IF HE HURTS MY FEELINGS, HE'S UP TO NO GOOD"
2006-08-13 23:00:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well sometimes its not that they do it intentionally they just don't think before they speak babe and of course at times the truth or there honesty is not what we want to hear .I wouldn't worry too much about it brush it off and be Happy and another thing you cant change a man you can only compromise ...lol
2006-08-13 22:55:22 · answer #7 · answered by chunkybaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's trying to get a reaction out of you to see how you feel about him, plain and simple. He wants to see if you'll get jealous and angry. It's a very immature attitude, if you ask me. He could've saved himself a lot of trouble if he just came out and asked you straight-away. You need to tell him that his mind games bother you and that he needs to change this attitude or else, you will never have a good time with him when you're together.
2006-08-13 23:08:22 · answer #8 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it's very natural for boys to irritate a girl like this. this can b intentional or unintentional also. like if,he is doing the things intentionally, then he is trying to test you, how much comfortable u r when he says things like, this. how much do u trust him, still?
he will judge in that way, since both of u r living with each other, it is quite obvious, that both of u know each other. so, whenever he says things like this , he just sees ur reaction to it.and if it's negative, like u got irritated, or scolded, something that sort of, then he will surely get annoyed, and expected result would b same as that of ur que,?
2006-08-13 22:57:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been through the same thing. when he talks about his ex-girlfriends just turn around and say something like "oh how is she" or be nice about it even though you don't want to trust me he will get the shook of his life and he will stop doing it. alot of men do that to wind girls up but others do it because they need attention do you know what i mean. my ex- boyfriend said alot of things that hurt me and eventually i just turned around and did it straight back or if he spoke about his ex-girlfriend then i asked how she was and when i was going to meet her.
2006-08-13 23:09:25 · answer #10 · answered by Ashley 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋