How can i tell my son that his dad is no good for us?

Question

WE ARE SEPARATED AND I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO HIM. MY SON ON THE OTHER HAND WOULD WANT TO GET BACK TO HIS DAD.

WE ARE SEPARATED AND I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO HIM. MY SON ON THE OTHER HAND WOULD WANT TO GET BACK TO HIS DAD.

My son is 8yo. The dad is so irresponsible, can't raise his family. Doesn't want to get a job just settles with smalltime business (which can barely raise himself) Hits me when he gets jealous

Answer 1

You do not tell a child that his dad is no good for him.........geesh
You do not want to cause your child any more emotional problems then you have to.

You tell your child as little as possible right now about the situation. Be honest but tell as little as possible.
Explain to your child that YOU and his DAD are no longer in love with each other. That yall can no longer seem to get along. And that you believe that YOU are better off living separately.
And that he will be living with you because you are his mother, and the one emotionally better equipped to take care of him.
And just explain to him that it is NOT an option for you and his father to get back together. Be stern about it.

But for pete's sake......you do not tell a child that his parent is not good for him. He is wise enough to make up his own mind about his father and decide how he feels about him and if he wants to spend time with him.

Tell him that it is not his fault, that both his parents still love him. And that he can continue to spend time with both parents.

Answer 2

My mom went through the same situation with us. No matter what you tell him he will have his own opinion of his dad. He will only learn through his own experience. I didn't realize how mentally ill my dad was until I was 17 and went through hell with him. That doesn't mean there's nothing you can do. No matter how bad his dad is don't talk bad bout him to your son, that will only make him think that you hate him and are against him and that's why you tell him that he is a bad influence. Talk to him with your warm motherly loving voice and listen to him. If his dad is abusive just get a restraining order and tell your son the judge doesn't allow his dad to see him, so you are not the villain, yet you are protecting your son.
If I could go back in time I wouldnt of given my mom such a hard time. I admire my mom for leaving my dad and appreciate all she's done for us. When your son grows up he will be greatful and understand why you did what you did.
Also you might want to check out http://www.womenslaw.org/
Another thing that helped my family was therapy.
Good luck to you! and remember although it might seem like you are alone, you are not!

Answer 3

you can not let a 8 years child plan your life ,, if he is hitting you then why would you want to go back . if a son See's the dad hitting you , he will grow up thinking that it is OK , and he will do the same thing to his girlfriend /wife .you do not need him to raise your son , I was in the same boat , I raised my son by my self , he is now 11 years old . you do not want to run his dad down ,but you also want to tell your son the truth about what happens when he gets mad .. I am sure he will not understand now , but he will in time .when you talk about him to your friends or on the phone , make sure your son does not hear you talking about the things that happen , he will in turn some way feel that it is his fault .. good luck to you and son in your new life . I don't know you but , you sound like a very strong woman .. if you ever need to just talk feel free to e-mail me any time . [e-mail],some times it good to know that there is some one else that has went threw what you are going threw , it is also better to talk to some one that is out side of your circle ..

Answer 4

Well, I understand how you feel. When my parents got separated my mum told me nothing about my dad being a terrible person.

When I was 16 I went to visit him in Ireland and came back to England with a breakdown. I had the shock of my life. He turned out to be the most terrible person I've ever known.

The bottom line? You can't tell your son 'honey, your dad is a good man' That way in a few years your 'good' ex can brain wash him and even turn him against you!

Don't tell him 'your dad's a bad man' either.

Just be modeate and remember that you can't tell him everything now. He's just eight.

Tell him that you and his father have to be separated and that his father will always love him but you all can't live together anymore.

As he grows up start telling him more about his father. Do not ruin his father image totally,though. He just has to know what it was like when his father and you were living together.

Hope that helps

Good Luck ;)

Answer 5

Well, I read others answers to you...I actually would like to tell you a lot about my problem with my ex-Horrible man,*I don't know how can you stay with him until your son is 8 yrs old, I left my ex-Horrible when my son was 2 yrs old, that was the second time I left and I told him it was the last chance for him.
If someone is nasty, it actually shows the sign of it, but you probably was not strong enough to leave, that was not your fault.
*But this time you have to be very strong and single minded tell your son the truth!!!I mean the TRUTH THAT IS TRUE! don't listen to anybody about they concern with the child, Children are much acceptable and adaptable than adults. I use to say to my son nicely that I can't be with his dad because we are not right for each other, but his dad is an evil lying and manipulate my son about the wrong things and lies about the reasons I left him, so now I am telling my son all the truth, **He won't belive me and not understand the whole story at the moment(He is 6 yrs old). but that is what is life that he need to learn....there are more children that have face with the worse situation than him.**We all have to learn how to handle 'pain, suffer, sorrow, unwanted, things' since we were born... :-)

Answer 6

Why would you say that to your son? No matter what happens between the two of you, he is still his father. DO NOT MAKE THAT CHILD FEEL GUILTY FOR LOVING HIS DAD. Of course he wants to get back to his dad he is a child all children do. Children at that age do not see the bad in people and it is wrong of you to point it out to him. No matter what your husband is to you, you will be no better if you tell your son that he is no good. Sounds like you need to talk to someone about some issues that you have. Also what you mean is that your husband is no good for you not necessarily your son.

Answer 7

First of all... Please don't tell your son how his father is... you will always be the bad guy.... your son will see for himself... he's growing up very fast and he will know what is right and what is wrong,,, all you have to do is to do your part as a mom and love your son and always tell him... no matter what happened i will always love you and i will try my best to be there when you need me....

What's going on in your sons life is that he doesn't want to lose his father... he thinks his dad will not make time for him or he just won't be able to see him when he can....

If your husband is as bad a you say he is... then your son will see everthing in due time....

I only ask that you pray.... (if your a praying person) to help you through this time in your sons life...


Mscaramelow

Answer 8

its the age thing. no matter what you say right now, if your son is too small, he will not be able to understand. just tell him that you guys cant be together, but that he may see his dad regularly. in time, when he gets older, he will understand. my friend separated from her husband, they had two boys. the boys were staying with their dad, and he kept on telling them that their mother was a bad person and that she left them. the boys didnt want to see their mother for a couple of years because of these words. but then they grew up, and understood. so telling a small child that another person is bad is not the answer. just say that you cannot live together, but that this in no way means that he doesnt love your son or that they cannot see eachother. dont worry, the time will come when he will understand you, even if he wont be able to forgive you quite yet... good luck!!

Answer 9

Well, I'm thinking first of all, you're being unfair to your son.
Being seperated for you, and him, are two different worlds...and if your son had fun with his dad, should you ruin it for him?
What you need to do, is sit down with your son, and tell him that you and dad aren't together anymore....and that from time to time, he can visit....or, if he wants to, go live with his dad....my brother and his girlfriend have that arraingment, for 6 months of the year, he stays here, then the other 6 months, it's 5 days a week here, and 2 with his mom(Mom has some mental issues to work through).
If he has problems grasping it, try relating it, like a friend on a trip....his friend comes over once in a while, but when his friend is on vacation, he can't.....and that he'll have to wait for his time to play.

Answer 10

No, its not a good idea to involve your son on adult matters. He is a child and should not be submitted to that kind of information. I know that it is hard for you when you son thinks that but there is nothing that you can do about it now. I wouldn't even hint at it if I were you. Let him see his dad and all and I am sure that once he grows up in 10 years he will figure it all out himself and understand. He will be glad that you didn't involve him on this one, will respect you more when he becomes an adult and he will understand why you chose to not tell him now.