I just discovered my husband's responses to personal ads for sexual encounters..?

Question

Does anyone else find this weird? We have been together for 4 years, married for 1. We have an adorable 6 month old baby. At first I unexpectedly found him chatting wth a woman at 2am. This was about 2 weeks ago. He said yes he chats but nothing sexual.Then I became suspicioous, found he had a new email ID and saw that he answered those sexual encounter ads on craigslist. The emails are about 5months old. I asked my husband about it. He says it came to nothing and he would not have done anything. I also saw a profile of his on Adult Friend Finders. We have had conflicts, yes. Both of us are in our second marriage and there are problems but our intimate life never seemed to have problems. He said he did it because of our problems and he wanted someone to talk to. So why does it have to be a woman,and that too why does he have to offer to have sex with them? He says he is sorry and won't do it again but all this decepton has me worried. Help!! I love him very much.

Answer 1

Girl, I totally understand where you are coming from...it is hard, but he did say he won't do it again. Did he ask you to forgive him? That is huge and he has to make it right by you. It's a process and he has to gain your trust back. Make sure you have access to everything and he gives it to you. You also should probably both talk to someone about it. To get all the cards on the table...you also need open lines of communication.

I know it hurts I went through a similar thing with my husband too and it's a battle every day. Forgiveness is the key.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

Come on over here you....................
closer...............................
closer...............................

I just smacked you on the head with the "are you cyber crazy" hammer!!!

Now look I don't care what he says, those "chat" chicks are REAL people and if he's scammin after the women on Craigslist then BAM he doesn't have very good taste does he?

Did he think you were really not going to get mad? Is he out of his little cyber head? Or wait thats what he wants......scratch that one.

It doesn't matter whether she's invisible or edible if there's a SHE in his life then you ought to be thinking about whether you want a HE-hore in your bed?

Those are not fake people or invisible bots they are "get naked" roll out on the floor nasty people. They are the sexually transmitted disease poster children!!! Your husband needs a swift kick in the groin and a reminder that you wear the bra in the family and your not sharing him with anyone else ... not in cyberspace...not in your bed!!!

Put your foot down now because as you probably guessed it, he already has done it. It's good that you still love him very much because if you didn't he'd have his head spinning so fast on a platter that the Clerks at the Courthouse won't even notice him as he squeezes by the desks!

Smack him upside the head, and I'm not sure which one I"m talkin about there. If you don't put a cyber-reign on that reigndeer your gonna be spending Christmas alone but probably happier to boot!

Marriage isn't a stroll on the cyberspace highway nor is it allowed. He can't be a dippin his sword in the pool of the craigslist floozies!! You know if you take the puter out he'll just find another one. Theres some psychologists out there that might help him because as far as I know that is an illness now adays and if it's not cured it will certainly poison your marriage! Stop him.

.............think about it..................

Answer 3

Hi, Im anwering you from personal experiance. I'm married for 6yrs together for 9yrs. My discovery is now 4months old the 14 of this month Aug. GET THAT COMPUTER OUT OF YOUR HOME!!!!!!!!! Men have fanticy at their fingertips. It is well known that men think of sex 3times more then women do and probable more. Now knowing that why wouldn't he just have a harmless conversation with countless women in chat rooms amaturmatch.com and countless other sites. What keeps calling his name at night when he can't sleep. Or gee I'm bord lets play a computer card game and while I'm on here what can I explore on the world wide web. Anyway you've got webcam and voice activation and you can even make phone calls. Check out the credit card statments. Do you see alot of two and three dallor charges. You can bet thats from " Watch me shower" one month service. I could go on and on and about that email , he probable has a extra one you don't know about. You asked what you should do....well sure you love him but please remember if you give a guy to much freedom and trust he will abuse it. I can promis you this, how ever long you've had that computer is how long its been going on. Remember men are phsyical not emotional they like to fk not talk. Why on earth would he need to "talk" to another women? I'll tell you so she can say " Oh poor baby what can mama do to make it all better" Just chating becomes just cyber sex to just a phone call to just meeting and just getting su ked off because my husband say 's he didn't think he was doing anything wrong because it wasn't intercource.I love my husband too and he has admitted to stuff that would make you feel like your discovery is a piece of cake. I'f I decide to commit suicide by getting back with my husband I will just have to keep tabs on him stay involved in the finaces an never own a computer and just hope and pray he don't give me aids . Men try they hardest not to tell the whole truth because they don't want to lose the comfert their women bring them so lieing through their teeth become second nature so just keep prying and don't let up and he'll cave. Its taking me 4months and he's still slipping up. If any of you so called men out there can validate what I say is true then be a man comment on my statment. Noone will know it's you.

Answer 4

Annette,
It is completely normal for you to feel insecure, and un-trusting towards your husband. Any woman/man would react the same way if he was caught suspiciously, and then admitting to it. However, he admitted to his wrongs, does not give him a gold medal, you are right. Technically, your husbands actions are considered to be cheating. By means of an emotional-affair.
And as a consequence, you are now hurt. When timing is appropriate TALK to him assertively and to the point. Your mind is overwhelmed with unanswered questions, therefore left with so many assumptions even I cannot fill.

You have several options:
1. Do not allow yourself to absorb excuses: "shoulda, coulda, because our problems..." Bottom-line, he was afraid to bring up his issues with you, and as his wife, you should be the first person he should be talking to.

2. Tell him your trust has been shaken. If he is truly dedicated to you and the family, he needs to be more respectful, and learn to be more honest with you. Only then you will know if he is a man of his word. "The ball is now in his court"

I understand you love him very much, you have built a foundation with four years of history, memories, marriage and brought new life into this world. Allow him to use this time to fix his mistakes. Lead by example and be strong. It is hard, but start by believing that you are going to be just fine.

Good luck, Annette.

Answer 5

This sounds really complicated. And he has lost much of your trust and respect in him probably. I don't think the relationship will be the same as before, because you'll start wondering "what is he doing now?" or "is he cheating on me" and so on. And considering he has a profile on Adult Friend Finder, chats with women, and responds to sex ads on Craigslist, it sounds like he may cheat on you if he already hasn't. Maybe he just can't get himself to do it the first time yet, but maybe if/when he does, he'll be a repeat offendor. I really think you guys need to talk about going to a marriage counselor about this, because it doesn't sound like this is going to lead to a healthy relationship at this rate.

Answer 6

He cheated the moment he talked about your problems with another woman outside of your marriage. That in itself is a huge warning sign for you. As far as the personal ads for sexual encounters, you needed to find out why he chose this site to get involved with. You said he said he did it because of your problems in your marriage, well he certainly wasn't going to find any good counseling from a sex ad.He obviously can't and shouldn't be trusted at this point. You have to make the decision whether to stay with this man, whether you have a child or not. If you do stay, keep one eye open and he'd better be able to be an open book for as long as it takes for you to gain his trust again. Looking at porn, and talking to other women on the computer isn't as bad as cheating in person, but it certainly can lead to that. Sounds like he was just one step away from making a very bad decision. Good luck, I'm sorry you are going through this, be strong!

Answer 7

LOL, I would tell your hubby he's sloppy and needs to be way more paranoid if he's going to skulk around like that. Besides, there's no women on craigslist! Everybody knows that! You could repsond to every single add on that site and just get spammed to death. If you take away his computer, you might as well gouge out his eyes while your at it, because guys can't live without a compy. If he hasn't touched a girl (except you) and was having cybersex, Would that be cheating? NO! You can chat all your want, just like he can look at girls all he likes, just as long as he doesn't do anything with them physically. Are you going to chastise him if he has an erotic dream about a woman other than you? I hope not.

Answer 8

Well. . . people will hate this answer but I was in this same predicament two years ago, he swore it was just chatting, etc. . . so I decided to make a couple of fake identities up and see if he would chat with them and if he would try to meet them in person. I did this from my office or at a friends while he was at home. The first time he fell for it hook line and sinker and within 30 minutes of chatting with his new friend (me) I asked him if he would come meet me somewhere, he called me (for real) to tell me he had to run to the store for something. Of course, after I busted him and showed him the printed archives he claimed he knew it was me (BULL!) and I then installed a free keylogger from download.com and read all the things he continued to do for a couple of weeks and then I kicked his sorry A** to the curb and haven't looked back. I have some ways to show you how to do this stuff if you're interested email me. Best of luck.

Answer 9

I totally agree with Scotch Whiskey. Get RID of the computer! And start really paying CLOSE ATTENTION to the phone bills! 'Having sex' with someone on the PC or over the phone is a form of CHEATING. Tell him that if he REALLY loves you, you both need to get marriage counseling ASAP. Don't let him convince you otherwise! You have a darling baby that right now is young enough NOT to be effected by this (unless you're fighting in the home and she's subjected to it in ANY way). IF this isn't resolved now, before she's much older, her life will be harmed by it. You owe it to her to get this RESOLVED now and not later!

Answer 10

There is no excuse for a married man to be soliciting sex from other women on the internet...This has ruined many a marriage and is one of the many downsides of our modern technology..I would immediatly remove the computer from the home and demand that he go to counseling with you ...You need to work out the problem that drove him to seek intimacy from a stranger on the other end of a machine..