I got married after I came home from over seas, Things were great but, now they are bad, very bad! I have found texts on her cell phone from other guys, I have cought her in multiple lies, about her going out with a girl friend, and then finding out she was out with her friend and a guy, but lies to me about the whole thing. I have heard her speaking on the phone with a guy, but when asked about it she tried to lie about it and say that it was her friend, I have the feeling that I have been blinded. What Should I do?
2006-08-13 19:52:45 · 38 answers · asked by will 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
dump her
2006-08-13 19:56:16 · answer #1 · answered by manyhartz 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why would you want to stay in a relationship where you are unhappy and you cannot trust the other person? Even if she were not cheating, once you have that suspicion, it never fully goes away and you'll also be making her life miserable (and you probably are right now).
End it peacefully. Before confronting her, speak with a divorce attorney. Make sure that she's employed when you drop the divorce papers on her.
There's nothing wrong with being a nice guy but that doesn't mean you have to swallow your pride and be an unwilling fool. It's obvious that you already know you do not like the situation you're in, and that you want out. Why ask strangers? Stop torturing yourself. Do it and get on with your life. You will get over it and you will find someone else sooner. Hey, you cannot find the right person to be with if you're with the wrong person.
Good luck and best wishes.
2006-08-13 20:08:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's a great possibility that she is playing around on you. The proof is right there before your eyes. This is my suggestion: You tell her that she either shapes up or ship out. Since you are her husband, you need to put your foot down hard and firmly stand your ground. Let her know you are tired of the games, the lying, the whole BS. Obviously if she respects this marriage, she will stop all this nonsense and be straight-up with you. Communication is key here. The worst thing for you to do is to do nothing. You have to let her in on what you will tolerate and won't tolerate. If she is unwilling to change for the sake of your marriage, the obvious suggestion would be to move on and find greener pastures.
2006-08-13 20:07:56 · answer #3 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to have an open and honest conversation with her. Marriage isn't easy. Ask her to be honest with you about what is going on...It is difficult. Why is she lying to you? Are the messages innocent or are they something you should worry about? Is she not telling you because she is worried about your reaction or just wanting to go behind your back?
If you love her then you need to figure this all out...seek some counseling...if you still want to stay with her. Only you and your heart knows what it wants to do. Marriage, is difficult especially being a military spouse, but cheating is one thing that is not ok. You need to have some open and honest communication before you just take some stranger's advice whether to leave based on what you have written. Marriage counseling is good because it's an impartial party trained to get to the root of the issues.
If she doesn't want to seek help then I would say she already left the marriage and you should too! Good Luck!
2006-08-13 20:04:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
how long have you been together before "all that"?
While you were overseas, were you faithfull? (Answer honestly!!!!)
When returning from overseas, how soon did you get married?
You know that being away from your loved ones for a longer period of time (and being stationed overseas usually is for at least 2 years, right?) does not automatically make the heart grow fonder; it sometimes kills the best relationships.
Sometimes, people change. Maybe, you should sit down and talk to find out what exactly you expect from one another. Could it be that your trust is not there because you weren't faithful while overseas and kind of expect she plays the same type of game?
If she says, she has male friends, ever asked to meet them to find out what's behind all that?
Don't give up so easily unless you have already made up your mind...
2006-08-13 20:07:51 · answer #5 · answered by Bettina B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you got married too fast after coming home. Ask her who she really wants.. Didn't you marry for better or worse? I do think she is hiding things from you (but I only know your side). Give her an ultimatum and stick with it. Marriage is not always easy. I go through rocky periods too, but different from your situation. The Bible says a lying tongue hates its victims. There should be no reason for lies. Good luck to you in whatever you decide.
2006-08-13 20:03:43 · answer #6 · answered by Cija 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Simple and guy to guy...... You could go round and round on this, argue, make accusations, etc. Things are screwed up. This will sound harsh. First sit down and decide if you love her. If so .....Sit down and look her in the eyes and say do you want to be with me. Say nothing and just listen and don't get pulled into talking back and forth. When it starts just say do you want to be with me. When the time comes for you to talk just simply say you care, love her whatever, it is her decision and
leave it at that. Inside voice will say so much more to you but this is your moment. She will be surprised and think "hey I screwed up". Next day say nothing again except I love you you know. Give her a chance to apologize. If she does you have found the person.
2006-08-13 21:54:43 · answer #7 · answered by jackson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless she will really sit down and talk with you honestly, I don't know how you will even make the decision. Perhaps asking her if she wants to stay married to you and if she is willing to seek out a marriage councelor (or therapist) to help you both to work thru the problems you are having will help you to find out if the relationship can be saved. A husband's responsibility is to be the head of his household financially, spiritually and emotionally. Tell her you want to do this (and mean it) but you really need her help for it to work. God hates a divorce and he will work with you to keep your marriage together if you allow him in your lives.
2006-08-13 20:02:26 · answer #8 · answered by Sparkle1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think u need 2 tell her what u suspect, try getting proof, a phone bill something sort confront herand ask her who she wants 2 bwith. if u just came home from over seas u don't need 2 b treated that way. hope things work out 4 u:)
2006-08-13 19:57:56 · answer #9 · answered by lots of luv carebear 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you decide to do, just remember once a cheater always a cheater... and if she is cheating on you she will not change... but the most important and dangerous thing is she could be putting YOU at risk for HIV or other STD's... is your health... your life worth trying to work something out with someone who obviously doesn't care about you? Why dont you drop that zero for a hero....!
2006-08-13 19:58:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I guess it depends on how much both of you wants to keep this marriage working. You should make her sit down and ask what she wants because right now buddy, you seem to be loosing your liking towards her, if it seems too much or she's doing even more drastic things like stealing your money, its not worth the pain!
Good LucK!
2006-08-13 19:57:49 · answer #11 · answered by epooji 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋