My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year or more, and we are talking about marriage. For the past few weeks he said he wants to have a child soon as we can, and that we should start trying. He also keeps telling me his destiny is to be a good father. He's a good guy, so it’s no doubt he wouldn’t be. I’m not ready, and I have tired to tell him this, but he tells me I'm just scared that we will fail as parents. I don’t have my B.A. yet. He supports me. I don’t know how to get threw to him that, I’m not ready without hurting his feelings. I really do love him.
2006-08-13 19:47:02 · 9 answers · asked by Samantha 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
Could it also be because he’s adopted? We just found out his real parents and family, and it didn’t go to well. Or maybe because he is older than me. He’s about 7 to 8 years older than me. Age never matter to us.
2006-08-13 20:14:32 · update #1
i know what your going threw i had the same problem with my fiancee a while back he is 6years older then me so i could understand why he wanted to have a baby and start his own family . However i could not stop thinking about college and how i will work things out. I was open with him and i told him my feelings which it did help he assured me that i will finish college not matter what he was going to be there . And that maid me realize i had a wonderful guy who is very supportive and understanding who i would love to be the father of my children. I am still in college now however now that i am on board on having a baby we have not conceived i been trying for over a year and nothing.So i guess things happen for a reason not just because you want it. Sit your guy down talk to him one on one. The best place to talk to some one is in the car cuz they cant go anywhere will its moving . I am pretty sure if he loves you very much you will have no problem working something out .
2006-08-13 20:02:58 · answer #1 · answered by LIZzie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing I can suggest is trying to flesh out the reasons why you aren't ready yet and perhaps explain when you will be ready, such as, after certain goals are achieved ect...
It sounds like he's a great guy and you say you love him so I see no problem with letting him know that you aren't ready and letting him know that you do want to have a child (if you do) but are just not ready as of now.
Helping him see the scope of your long term goals may help him see that now is not the best time (although there is never a best time) and perhaps you can come to an understanding.
2006-08-14 03:00:25 · answer #2 · answered by David D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hot Mama is right: but the other answers are good too: He's just saying let's make babies -- but you need a mature man who can control himself and be patient. Patience, that's a virtue. Someone not patient is not as caring for your needs.
If you've only been with him a year, it's impossible to know everything... people who stay married the most are together 3 years before marrying.
It seems that marriage comes before a baby. Tell him - well, marry me and we can have a family. And do not forget about education. If you started, you should finish! More is better, generally.
2006-08-14 07:34:35 · answer #3 · answered by bwsnyder2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have the sort of healthy, open, honest relationship that is needed for marriage, you can come out and say exactly what you need to without worring about his feelings. He should know that you don't want to hurt him, but you do want to be honest.
I'd ask him: What's the rush?
Is his destiny gonna change suddenly? If it is, shouldn't you know now and not once a baby is on the way?
Tell him he needs to respect you and your goals and feelings. You don't feel ready for a baby, and ask him to wait.
2006-08-14 02:58:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's only up to you to decide since no one knows how long both of you are going to be together and then you'll be left on your own with a child. Finish your B.A. You will see if he deserves you if he has the patience to wait for you since the object of your relationship is to be together for a lifetime and a couple of years of waiting for the right time is only an insignificant fraction in time.
2006-08-14 03:00:00 · answer #5 · answered by Dolf-Wolf 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he was serious, and a responsible man with a sound mind - he'd be asking you to marry him. With a ring, and a church in mind.
Other than that - it's just him giving you pipe dreams. Don't do anything, don't believe him - until you've seen the ring, and say I do.
If you have any idea how many women are left, when they're pregnant - from men who say the same things.
Real men are men of action, not words.
2006-08-14 06:45:25 · answer #6 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wants to be a good father then he needs to start with being a good husband first. Get married before you try. Do you really want your kid to know that you weren't married first? What if you end up preg and he leaves? You don't think he will now but what if? GET MARRIED FIRST! This world does not need anymore children to grow up with one parent gone.
2006-08-14 07:38:32 · answer #7 · answered by michiganwife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to be honest to him about your feeling since he had told you what he want. Don't force yourself if you do not agreed with his 'idea'. Tell him what your thinking straight to the point. Dun waste each others time.
2006-08-14 02:58:29 · answer #8 · answered by mary1668 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats good some men are scared of having children
2006-08-14 09:14:42 · answer #9 · answered by mzpimpsquad 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋