how do I save my marriage?

Question

My husband and I are fighting, I love him dearly. We just got into an agrument over my issues I have been dealing with over a year. Communication, and not listening properly. As a result, he feels under-appreciated, and feels he is not being rewarded for good behavior when he talks to me assertively.
I am seeking counseling again, in hopes to better myself as a person. My husband is getting feed up with me. I love him I want to work it out with him, he hears my apologies, and holds no value to it. Because apologies gets more "sorrier" . My husband is tempermental, he has recognized his issue and is taking action. In the course of 4 months I was impressed. Yet, I have not taking action to correct myself, and it is unfair. He has mentioned divorce. And...now, I am more fearful of losing him permanently because of my faults. In the course of three months I suffered two miscarrages, separation anxiety, and depression. I feel ashamed and blameful of myself if we got divorce

Answer 1

you need to understand yourself before you start trying to fix your marraige. if you have problems that you need to fix first, then do that because it is not going to help your marraige any if you don't. your husband loves you, if he didn't he would not argue with you. saying the word divorce is simply a way of saying "please change, i can't take anymore" instead of you going to counseling, you both should go so he can let you know what is the problem and then you can get help with the issues that are causing the problems. you cannot be selfish in a marraige. it takes time and patience to deal with your mates moods and feelings, but if you cannot deal with yours, then you cannot understand his. are your issues more important then your husband? evaluate yourself and then talk to your husband and see if you both can agree to counseling

Answer 2

Hi,

You do not mention how long you have been married and also if the both of you are receiving counseling, particularly marriage counseling together.

For some reason, I am getting the feeling that you think that the marriage problems are your own fault and that the marriage can only survive if you get corrected, so to speak. I'm thinking too, that if you are describing your husband accurately, that he has some self esteem issues himself and may be causing you to feel that it is mostly your fault.

You know, in a marriage as in all other relationships, there are two sides to every story, even when one of the party's has done something bad such as had an affair.

Communication with anybody and particularly in a marriage is extremely important. I've heard it said that communication is 5%, the actual words said and 95% nonverble, ie, timing, the voice used, intonation, body language, and etc. I know from personal experience that to a great degree, this is true,

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

OK, first of all you've had 2 miscarriages in the past year. You're allowed some "issues". Now that you're at a place where you want to move forward, think about things that YOU'D like to change about yourself. Work with your counselor on these issues and try to make changes that YOU think would make you a better person. You can never make anyone else happy if you're not happy with yourself. Take a mental "break" from your marriage, work on yourself and everything with your husband may fall back into place. Good luck... hugs.

Answer 4

Marriage is very difficult. You and your husband need to commit to each other that you will do whatever it takes to make it work. Neither one of you can give up and one is not to blame more than the other. You both have personality flaws and that is just how it is. Marriage and Family counseling should be your first step. You also need to work through the pain of losing your children. As long as there is no violence in you marriage, you should both go to counseling together. If there is violence, you need to look at different avenues. If for some reason you decide to separate, make sure you can say you tried everything that you could to save your marriage wholeheartedly.

Answer 5

I would suggest to you couples counseling. It seems you've been through an awfull lot lately. But you can't forget that he went through it also. If it ends up not working out you cannot place all the blame on yourself. He would have failed in the marriage also. Some of the things you are saying sound like its describing a dog or child. You are both grown and unfortunately everything you have become is because of your experiences. Your personality is one very difficult if not impossible thing to change. What do you have to keep apoligizing for? I

Answer 6

Jenny, you guys can fix this if you both agree to go to a counselor and that you want to stay together. You have been through a lot and are taking most of the blame for things not working out. It takes two people to make a marriage. You guys are in serious trouble and it would be very hard to work this out together without help at this point. Stop blaming yourself, get a counselor and see your doctor for a RX for depression. Good luck!

Answer 7

What he wants to see is progress from you, not more apologies and empty promises. Everyone has their limits. Sounds like your husband is nearing his. What is keeping you from taking action to correct yourself? In order for the marriage to work, the effort has to be mutual. If you keep repeating the same mistakes and then apologizing over and over, you end up sounding like a broken record. Start working on those issues and ask him for a little more patience. The only way you will see progress is if you're willing to do the hard work to help yourself.

Answer 8

You are nearing the last stage of success in your relationship with your husband. Congratulations! There is no substitute to self correction and you have already prepared for it.
Think about him, a man who works out side home and comes back home for little peace of mind and that is also denied to him by your mutual conduct. You have realized your role in worsening the home atmosphere. You also admit that he has been seriously reforming himself. You have been apologetic to him for your own part but must be repeating the same mistakes of being argumentative with him on very minor issues.
Please, for God's sake stop arguing with your husband. For at least one year when ever you feel like saying something contrary to what he says or thinks or decides, you immediately remember your God or Jesus, since unlike Hindus others do not have a place of worship in their homes. Talk to him sweetly, but do not over do since you have already spoiled the dish. Keep the home an attractive place to cater to his interests. At least for one year live for him, that alone can save your marriage.

Answer 9

How to save a marriage ... this is an issue that is so complicated, that it couldn't possibly be fully and accurately described in 1000 characters or less. I recommend a marriage counselor instead of individual counseling.

PS - I have a psychology degree. E-mail me at [e-mail], and I'll talk with you (for free) when I get time. Good luck, and don't give up. :)

Answer 10

why he is getting angry with u? Because of yr mis-carriage or u have been unfaithful to him? This must be clarify first before i can help you....Pls don't be depressed!That's no use of it...

Pls find someone who care abt u and talk to her abt this, especially female friends, i think it can help you?

Just disregarding the unhappy things happen on you, life is short, and it have to be go on...U r not living for anybody, but yourself...So be strong and face the problem.

I hope you can stand up soon!