Relationships, angry and hard work?

Question

I love him so much, he means the world to me. And I am not saying I don't get angry sometimes. But he works overnights and when he has to get up early he is a pissy. Which is understandable but he takes it out on me. I get his anger to the world, for I know the way he was raised and his dad throws things when it is going wrong, and has no patience. But he is getting better with age. I am ready to get married but I wonder if all relationships take so much work. We have been together for four years now, and I am at the point where I think we should be married or seperate, but seperating doesn't even seem to be in the equation for me or him, it is such love. When I think of our relationship I am reminded of the NOTEBOOK movie, where he says, "it is gonna be hard and we will have to work at it" Is that always true? Any suggestions? Do all relationships take work, is it always hard? Any ideas on how to calm his temper and impatience?

Answer 1

Mine is like this too, he is downright unbearable some days. To be honest there are days- I absolutly hate him! Without a doubt, but when we're good we're very very good soooo... there is no perfect answer. He won't chg, don't even dream of it. Just give him his space- but be sure to call him on his behavior once in awhile too-don't be a doormat!

Sometimes I make sure I'm doing my errand running when it's his waking time-saves a lot of arguments!

Answer 2

you sell yourself short
keep in mind there is ALWAYS someone out there
and if you do not like what you are in then LEAVE
if you stay then you are either lazy to find another guy
scared to find another guy due to self esteem issues ( which you more than likely have )
or are in the comfort zone.. because you have 4 years vested ( in reality it's been wasted.. ) and you decided to foolishly shack up with him ( why for economics sake? )
so in effect he has some sort of leverage on you
and thus you are not in a equitable realtionship
you do not have to put up with arguements
to say it is love.. well it's not... you just in a rut and forget how it truly feels to give and recieve
most women will hark back to there first sate and how exiting it was
that type of momentum can never be sustained
but there is a point in every relationship
where all was well
and then if it starts to go wrong
you see the signs...
little by little... but becuase you have time vested and you have this pride issue.. you fail to act on them ( like leave.. or have a serious talk about it .. ) and thus put up with it or settle
if your foolish enough to marry it does not get better
not can you make it better ( another fool thing women think they can do.. that is change a man )
and so you will evetually divorce and come out a bitter women
mainly due to your arrogance
and thus the self relaization that all could have been avoided

Answer 3

All relationships are hard at some point. They get better over the years/months. If you don't want to get married right away or won't be ready for it, have a partnership. That means (if you get married) you won't have the harsh time filling out divorce papers if it all falls to pieces (which it hopefully won't). My parents have been in a partnership throuought the years and they are fine. Do what you think is right.
As for him:
Well for starters just stay low when he's like that. Offer him things that might calm him down. Don't get in his way.
Well I hope you all for the best.
Astrid

Answer 4

I think all relationships need work occasionally. But I doubt if they all need hard word. Most coouples in relationships have a mutual respect for one another. It doesn't sound like your bf takes your feelings into consideration as much as he should. If your relationship needs "hard work" after 4 years, I'd question rather or not it is worth it. I would think after 4 years it would only need a tune up every six months or so.

Answer 5

For a long term sustaining relationship, both parties must work towards it. Yours seem to be more of a one way traffic! You must make him agree to work towards improvement, within a timeframe acceptable by you. It would be to your benefit to stop the relationship if he refuses to agree to contribute. Once he agrees, then help him to achieve the target. You cannot hope for him to change only when he grows in age, unless you are talking about a child/teenager!
Such communication must continue for all future issues. No one party must be made to sacrifice all the time.

Answer 6

He's the one with the problem.....not you! Marriages do take work but first of all people have to get along with each other and that don't mean doing things that he's doing to you. Should it be me I wouldn't hesitate to get out of that relationship. You deserve better then him! There are so many people available in this world...no one has to live like an animal. Take care.

Answer 7

No, it's not ALWAYS hard. Relationships do take constant work. They truly are worth all the hard work though.

As far as his temper is concerned. That's his own personal issue. I honestly don't think there is anything you can do to calm him down. He will need to calm himself or get help learning to deal with his anger.

Good luck!

Answer 8

This really worries me that he has no patience. I wouldnt even want him. Ive been there done that and it wasnt fun and it ended in a messy divorce and now I hate his guts. Im remarried. FOUR YEARS IS TOO LONG anyway. After 18 months or two years if men dont commit with a diamond, women should give them their walking papers cuz they havent grown up yet!

Answer 9

First he needs to go to anger management. Yes marriage and relationships are very hard work. My suggestion to you is that if you don't think that you can do it then end the relationship now. Good luck

Answer 10

Sounds like you and I have two in a like husband wise. My husband has atendancy to be a jerk when he sleeps too much. And sadley I dont have any suggestions except to pray pray pray. You can try getting him some herbal stuff to calm his nerves such as st johns wart. If you get any extra good ideas from others let me know.....lol