sexless marriage for 2 and a half years. help!?

Question

we did try many times yet failed.
my husband does get erection when we warm up but when it gets down to business, his penis become soft. after so many times failing, i'm getting pissed off and eveytime we didn't make it, i start to get frustrated. i was trying so hard for him to be able to make it. i was damn tired!. he refuses to seek for any medical help cos he feels ashamed. he has high blood pressure. i asked him to do some sports as he never exercise. he said yes but nothing happens. he work from 8am-9pm daily. on weekends, he just rest and sleeps all the time when we're home. he keeps saying it's his work and financial problems that made him so stressful. he is just so stress and lost interest in sex! he is only 33 and i am 25!
He did try his best to hv sex with me but he can’t succeed. He said he needed me to give him oral sex, I did give him. He said he wanted me to warm him up, i did it! ...

Last night we tried but again failed. He said he did start to feel good and he requested to have an full erection in front me without having intercourse, perhaps I do oral or hand job for him. He said this may help to improve our sex life once and for all. I understood it and I really wanted to work out with him. But what I am mad is why he refused to seek for medical help or exercise to improve his own health and sex performance? Why is it me that need to suit his every needs do whatever he wants. I told him I am tired and felt like an prostitute to him. I felt he treat me like an prostitute but not his wife! He got really mad after that and we had a big quarrel. he blamed me for accusing him and not taking this seriously and never wanted to work out. He accused me for not wanting to save this marriage? Did I say or do anything wrong? Pls understand me I am only 25 and has to deal with this. I’m really tired cos I feel I’m always the one who sacrifice yet he does nothing about it!

I consider myself quite attractive and have nice body despite having 1 daughter. I am a stay at home mom.
Anyone pls advice! All of your sincere and honest ans are truly appreciated!

he isn't taking any medication and isn't cheating on me.

Answer 1

This problem occurs because men are not getting enough circulation in their penis. You will see this more often in men who smoke, have high blood pressure, and diabetes.
Smokers have poor circulation.
If you have high blood pressure, you have poor circulation.
If you have diabetes, you have poor circulation.
GOOD CIRCULATION IS NEEDED FOR AN ERECTION
Lose weight to control diabetes and high blood pressure.
Stop smoking to improve circulation..
If he is taking high blood pressure medication, sometimes the medication needs to be changed if you have this problem.

Answer 2

Wow, that is a difficult situation, sounds like you are already doing a lot. If he is not commited to helping the situation, I am not sure what can be done. It sounds like he works a lot (maybe in part to avoid dealing with the problem). Work together to do whatever it takes to create intamacy. If he needs to quit his job and take a less stressful one that is fewer hours that may help. Even if it is less money, saving your marraige is more important and you will be much happier. I wish you the best.

P.S. -- others may tell you to use porn, or drugs... this is not the solution. Those will not get to the core of the situation and the real issues. They will only make things worse in the long run. Work on commuication, and romance that build trust and intamacy. Since you felt like a prostitute, using drugs and porn will only make that worse.

Answer 3

There are a few things going on here the first is his health in general when you uncontrolled blood pressure and get an errection it puts a strain on your heart to maintain the increased pressure required to maintain an errection the pulse goes up breathing increases and exhaustion rapidly sets in. Next as the exhaustion works its magic the man begins to wonder if he can perform and thus the loss of hardness. This stress comfounds his already tired brain due to decreased blood flow to the brain. He is over working himself. Time for a Dr. if you love him make the appointment yourself and go with him be sure you tell the Dr. what is going on including the sex problems. ( I hate to say this the other posibility is he has a little on the side 13hrs a day all work?) I doubt it but it is a possibility. reaper out............

Answer 4

Does he take medication for his high blood pressure if so that is what is giving him a softy. What is wrong with pleasing your guy the way he wants to be pleased you should not feel like a prostitute. You should want him to feel good and he should do the same in return. There are many ways of making love besides intercourse. You nagging him will make it even more difficult for him to have an erection. Lighten up and have fun.

Answer 5

I understand your frustration.
For a man, admitting to anyone, even a doctor, that he can not perform sexually is like admitting that he is not a man.....this is in no way true at all, but for him it may feel like it. He is probably very embarrassed. You are good to try and help him as much as you can, and are right to tell him to get medical help, for you love him and are concerned about his well-being. I can imagine it must be very very frustrating for you, and makes you anxious each time you are about to do it. Perhaps by you suggesting him go to a doctor, it makes him feel more embarrassed. Maybe he gets too nervous now, because he is just so used to "failing" you. I think you've done alot of different things to try and help him, and you can't really do anything more. Maybe you could talk to YOUR doctor, and see if they have any furthur advice for you. I would also suggest praying to God for wisdom, patience, and help in this matter, as he hears all of our prayers. God bless and take care.

Answer 6

If he has high blood pressure and is taking medication for it the medication could be causing it. All he has to do is go see his Dr and they can change the medications hes on. Tell him that you are trying to make the marriage work. It is him who isn't. This is common and their are other meds that can help. Tell him to see the DR or you are leaving cuz it is up to him to get the help and you can't make him. Maybe talk to your Dr. He just may make an appointment for your husband and your husband won't have to make it. Good luck.

Answer 7

Men are these very, very stubborn animals. He is 38-hitting midlife and men never, ever seem to want to admit they are having a bout of depression or questioning what is their purpose in life-questions and feelings we women have they put on a back burner and the result is a stuffy old geezer. My sister's husband went through a "funk" and she just stuck by him (I tried to get her to leave him). She kept saying she knew he was just down and depressed-he was @ 52. Finally, after two years, he sort of just became the man she married. I advised her to slip Prozac into his coffee, slip zoloft into his tea. She wouldn't listen -haha. He may just be in a bout of depression and not know how to handle it. A counselor? Are you kidding me? Even if you suggest it, he would shrug it off as a crazy idea. You could try. Tell him how you feel. Tell him you are looking at having a baby with a man that doesn't even want to touch you. Ask him what is going on. Some men have financial worries, too-they know they are the one providing for the family and it worries them. If he is worried and keeping it a secret, that is another reason for his anxiety. My husband has so much stress at work, I don't even know the half of it. My sister's husband did, too. They just react in ways women would not. We would yell, scream, cry, seek help. Men hold it in and worry inwardly. Talk to him. Tell him just what you told us. Suggest counselor, but, don't expect miracles!!!

Answer 8

Sounds like a drug like Viagra might help, although it might be risky with his high blood pressure. And, he would need to see an MD to get the prescription.

Maybe you could somehow convince him that, for the sake of his health, he needs to see a Dr and start exercising. Maybe you could motivate him by telling him that, if he works at improving his health, he will be around with his family longer.

Answer 9

Try not to put any pressure on him. Try to tell him how you feel, without pressure and how him maybe getting on some meds for erections, or high blood pressure would help this situation. Possibly working out, together, would help him to lose weight and help his blood pressure and maybe get some steam going. It's so hard, I feel for you, but please remember, it isn't you...and don't blame him either.

Answer 10

u r a poor mama!!!
at ur age, sex is juz getting hotter & better each day. if ur hubby doesnt want any help, tell him u will be d one who will look 4 help with other guys coz u need to have sex. if that's too harsh, maybe u can suggest 4 a vacation in a romantic place. u can buy him a viagra if u want. being tired is not always a reason ( how cud u believe him? it's been 2 years darling!)
dont u ever think he has another woman?