How do you know when you are doing the right thing?

Question

I recently met a guy over the net but all we talk about is his llittle girl who i think is cute ,the prob is the child is really young and i was wondering why he has her and not the mother (being that we tend to stick around more)well he said she decided to do drugs instead ,he said he tried but didn't like it,now we are not an item but we talk alot and he seem o.k what if he likes me more or i like him more ,am i likely to end up with an addict ... i am confuse i want to be is friend and help him stay positive for his child but i am worried ,i neverhad a drug addict as friend and i am not sure i want one now but why would i want to give up on someone who is clean just because i am paranoid?

Answer 1

you will know because you will fell kind of happy and someone who see's you doing it will say something good to you like "good job" something like that

Answer 2

One of the things with romances that seem to start over the Internet is that what you are falling for is a fantasy, and only a little part of what the other person is like. He could be just fine, but more than likely he is not as squeaky clean as you assume; Why has he not left the drug addicted wife? Or got her into treatment like any loving partner would want, instead he whiles away the time on the Internet flirting with you. What is he like the other 90 percent of the time that you do not see him, does he have a bad temper, no work ethic, bad hygiene, doesn't have a proper education or training, and cannot fit in with your friends and family?
You will never know these things until you meet him, even then, it will take some time for you get to know him, be warned too that his druggie wife will probably get custody of the child and he will forever be tied to her, worst case is that she in her drug addled state grows to hate you and does something about it...
So maybe you have a reason to be paranoid and stay away from this person and his baggage.

Answer 3

It's not always easy...we can't help who we fall in love with. I will tell you this though. The man has been open and honest with you about some pretty personal stuff. Most guys don't do that. You also have to take into consideration that he has his young daughter. Courts aren't going to award him placement if he has drug issues. From the sounds of it, this guy sounds like a very decent and responsible young man. He's doing the right thing by his daughter, he's hid nothing from you and you two seem to really hit it off. I think your fear of being with a drug addict is a bit far fetched. There's a huge difference in trying something once and needing it to get by on a daily basis. Only you know what's best for your situation, however, if it were me, unless he's given me a reason to end it, I wouldn't. Guys like this are hard to come by in this day and age.

Answer 4

First, this guy does NOT sound like a drug addict. An addict will try drugs, then keep using them to the point of ruining their lives and or death. Someone who has tried them is NOT an abusier, they just tried them to see what all the fuss was about and didn't like them so didn't continue with them.

Second, is this guy living close to you? Either way, you need to be soooooooooooooooooooooo careful with anyone you meet online. You don't know if they are telling you the truth or not, if they are abusers, killers, etc. Just be extremely careful for your own sake. IF you decide to meet him, as a friend or otherwise, be sure to go to a public place with a friend being with you. It doesn't matter if that friend stays next to you or if he/she stays close enough to watch to be sure that you are safe. Be sure to take your own car so you can leave on your own and not have to depend on him since you don't truly know him. While being with him, STAY in a public place. DON'T go back to his or your place as that is not safe for you. Make several dates like this until you are sure that he is a safe person, and the friend with you also feels that way about him.

As for knowing if you are doing the right thing, listen to your gut feelings and your heart at the same time. Your gut will tell you long before your heart if it is right or not. If it is a guy that has something wrong, you may have a sense about it. If I had listened to my gut feelings at 18, I wouldn't have been raped. If I had listened to my gut feelings at 20 when I met my ex husband, I wouldn't have been in a 20 year miserable relationship. LISTEN to your gut feelings. They won't typically steer you wrong.

Answer 5

Well, I think you are overreacting, honestly. The man told you that's why he's not with the child's mother, and why the child is not with her either. He also said that he'd tried drugs and didn't like them. A lot of people, at some point in life, try a drug. At that point, they decide if it's something they want in their life or not. He's obviously made the right decision, as far as that goes. Give the man the benefit of the doubt. You wouldn't want him judging you so harshly for your mistakes.

Answer 6

first of all....here are a few things to consider regarding internet relationships.....

1. People are not always honest online.
2. Take things slow....get to know someone and don't rush into anything
3. try talking on the phone and see how you feel about this guy....does it feel the same or different as online
4. If you feel good about this guy.....take a chance and meet for coffee in a public place.....its a chance to meet in a safe environment...its also a chance to test this guy...see if he is sincere and reliable
5. Take things slow.....get to know this person as friends first and see where things go from there

Regarding his possible drug addiction:

1. Its possible this guy is a drug addict....and he is not being honest with you.....
2. It sounds like regardless of whether he is using drugs or not....you like this guy....and want to be friends.....and you want to be a positve force in his life
3. If you set good boundaries for yourself with this guy....tell him your intentions to keep this as a FRIENDSHIP....and that you support him regardless of whether he is using drugs or not using drugs....then you can approach this guy in a balanced....honest manner
4. If he is not using drugs....you can enjoy the friendship...and you have no worries
5. If you discover he is using drugs....as a friend you can stay positive with him...tell him that you are his friend....and set good boundaries.....such as:

A. tell him that you can spend time with him....talk with him....etc. when he is coherent, sober, and not using drugs....
B. Tell him that you won't pay attention to him, talk with him, or socialize with him, when he is high or using drugs.
C. Follow through on A+B and maintain a positive stance with this guy, not nagging him or criticizing him, just allowing him the comfort of your friendship when he is sober and behaving himself.

Answer 7

He has the child; did the court award custody to him, or did the mother just give the child up? Yes, it's possible he's on drugs, but if he has custody, the court has checked him out, and found him worthy.

Answer 8

At this point sweetie, what I see is that he was honest was with you. He told you he'd tried drugs. Give him the benefit of the doubt and give him a chance to prove himself. If you find out that he is indeed addicted to drugs than you can dump him. But at this point, all he told you was that he'd tried them. I'd give him brownie points for being honest with you.

Answer 9

I say, stay friends, nothing more. You dont want to get tangled up in a drug addict and a kid, that's too much baggage.

Answer 10

there is no right or wrong. listen to your heart, when it feels good, go on, if not, find another way or something else.

besides that: why would you want to give up on someone who is clean just because you are paranoid? if you want to be loved, you need to love him, not fear him!

Answer 11

If you are that concerned take a good friend along with you. This will take pressure of the situation.