My teen daughter always goes out at night without PERMISSION! Help?

Question

Ah, the teens; it's like they were made to rebel. I give my daughter a curfew. Be back at home by 10pm. I only let her go out on Fridays and the weekends. The bad thing is, she NEVER follows the rules. She comes home at around 1am, and I've found out she's been sneaking out on school nights. I'm always asleep early since I have to go to work early in the morning, so it's hard to catch her in the act. I'm also a single mother. We haven't been communicating well lately... she never listens. She doesn't even reply to me. She stands facing the wall all the time. She has been acting very weird. I have to take care of my five year old daughter (who's a handful herself) and my 3 week old son, who's taken care by my mother when I am at work. The last thing I need is a rebellious daughter. How do you impose rules to your teenage daughter/son?

Another thing... she was injured in a car accident a few months ago. She was out with her friends late at night. The doctors told me she was in a coma, and that there is a slim chance for her to wake up. I didn't give up. She didn't either. She visited me at midnight every night for 3 months. When the doctors told me she won't make it... I still didn't give up. My daughter has since come home. She lives with me now... She is a miracle.

I still get nightmares of the accident at 1am... the time that it happened. I was afraid she'll never come home... she does now... every night, at 1am. She comes back to visit me.

I truly believe in life after death...

Answer 1

You need to contact a good publisher - sounds like a good, creepy story - something I would love to read!

Answer 2

I am 17 and my curfew is 11. To be totally honest with you, she sounds like me. I've been able to sneak out while my parents are asleep because they work in the mornings, I don't know your daughter but when I sneak out at night it's because I'm going to see my boyfriend. I think if our parents would let us experience life more we wouldn't be so rebellious. I think parents should let us make our own mistakes and let us learn from them, we do learn from them. It make take a few times, but we do learn. I think you should give your daughter a little more room to do what she wants, as long as it's within reason. After giving her some room, talk to her. About boys, life, friends, she'll be more open to wanting to talk to you and maybe then she will tell you what she actually does at night. Or basically what is going on in her everyday life.
We don't make it easy for you guys, but it's not that were intentionally trying to hurt you, we just want room to be ourselves. I'm sure your a great mother.

Answer 3

I have to say, I understand what you're going through. The fact is, you love your daughter very much as you do all of your kids. I'm a father of 8, 5 girls, 3 boys. All 5 of my girls were teenagers at the same time. They lost their mom while they were all young so it wasnt easy, by no means, just getting by was a nitemare at times. The one thing that we all understood was that we had to continue on, regardless of the things that had happened. I was kinda having the same problems you're having now, and I found that just sitting down with them and just talking together helped. The one thing that seemed to help the most was just letting them know how much I loved them and needed all of them to be safe, especially during those times when our lives had been changed due to uncontrollable circumstances. My youngest daughter, who always seemed to be getting into one thing or another, I asked for some special help from her because she was so good with helping with her younger brothers, keeping them out of trouble. Not only did she help in every way possible, she spent more time with the family and all was well. I wish you all the best. Larry.

Answer 4

It sounds like two things going on: you are single but have a 3 week old son and a five year old - sibling potential problem and you are a single mom.

However, the coma and car accident flash bright lights to me that she may have brain damage (frontal lobes). Have you had her tested by a neuropsychologist? If not, do so.

PS:
After reading some of the other notes, I looked at your questions. Very strange. Maybe you should get tested as well.

Answer 5

I think you have a right to be paranoid becaue of the accident. Some teenagers don't realize how thankful they should be for their parents. I do. My parents aren't strict though, and honestly? Your curfew is early. You should let her go out on school nights as long as she finishes her homework and gets good grades. Last night, I had friends (boys&girls) over until 6am in my backyard. My parents didn't care. But anyways, thought I'd share my info. And good luck with everything.

Answer 6

It matters if you want to bond or make her follow the rules to be honest. If you want her to follow the rules. DON'T CHANGE THE LOCKS my parents did that to me, realized i couldn't get in and spent the night at a 27 year old guys house for the next week. If you want her to follow the rules take away privileges like cell phone etc. If you want to bond openly communicate about anything and everything, skies the limit. She might use to against you but I grew a respect for my mother when she told me she had an abortion, i felt like i could relate to her and she trusted me. I was a handful when I was 13, my parents probably wanted to kill me. The best thing that has happened to me is going to a Career Center, going to a college course or something that is worth college credit for half your day. Half high school half college. I discovered histology which made me realize I could make something out of myself and also gave me a medical background to figure out what I was doing to my body to fit it was idiotic. And I'm not a person that has been out of the game of a teenager for a long time trying to recite to you my back in the day past. I'm sixteen so I know what its like. My e-mail is not accurate but feel free to IM me and get a teen prospective.

Answer 7

MMm I'm 16 and when i was 15 i did that alot 2..i thought it wasit a big deal lol..but what my mum did was lock me out of the house..lol she told me later that it was really had for her 2 do..well anyway i was sooo embarrassed and after that i always come back on time ..+ i didit like sleeping on the street..=P


P.S. but if she is really rebellious you need 2 sit down and talk with her when ur the least stress out..and if she talks disrespectfully dont be afraid 2 slap her! she needs it trust me! I'm 16! shell probably say shes hates you and blah blah ..but just tell her like it is! and if she dosit like it theres the dooR!

Answer 8

has she had check ups since getting home from hospital? She may have a continuing problem from that. But if this behavior is not new then you have to buckle down and take away her priviledges one at a time until she gets it. She must earn the priviledges back. friend of mine had a problem son who ended up with nothing in his room but a mattress because he broke trust so many times. He finally came around and became a great guy.

Answer 9

theres a easy thing to do if ur a good actor. cry in front of her make her want to come ask you whats wrong. Then say "I love you and i dont want anything to happen to you.... i almost died when you got into a coma" let her respond and tell her " that if she reallly has the erge to go do stuff call you. and if he has to sneak out on school nights you have no control of her and you cant regain what you've lost so just make sure she calls and check in and make her listen to what you have to say. and ask your daughter if she doing drugs but first say please listen and dont scream. tell her a good reason why she shouldnt do it(and dont say cuz its bad tell her why, explain, let her know). tell her you dont care if her friends are doing it. tell her that she can be cool with out doing it but you made a big mistake you shoulda handled this take when she was young, make so terrrifed of drugs she never thinks about doing it.
good luck

Answer 10

Oh pricey. of route... this newborn needs some help, and he or she is begging for interest circuitously. circuitously, being key note. "Funerals are astounding"?! Ya. She needs interest. She obviously is somewhat tousled because of a sequence of activities, perhaps, that has surpassed off in her existence. She under no circumstances had someone for moral help, and favourite help in her existence, and he or she needs it now more effective than ever. You and your husband favor to get her back on target, and performance extra administration over the failings she does. She's sooo youthful, way too youthful for the booze, smoking, sex and medicines which sounds like what she's into. She's rather a lot finished intense college, and prefer another youngster, ought to visit varsity or college. perhaps confer jointly with her about this, and this may commence her wondering about targets and wondering extra about her destiny. putting targets ought to correctly be some thing which will distract her from the different hazards of her existence. FYI: Emo is short for emotional. it must be defined as like, the darkish component of your teenage existence. Being overly dissatisfied each and every of the time, being darkish and gloomy, hating each and every thing...that variety of component. i desire this helps, I favor you success with your grand daughter. xox.

Answer 11

ground her and take things away and crack down on her man! If you really don't want her to do this, you need to crack down and tell her you don't want her to! you really need to try to discipline her! make her scared to go out late.. "my mom will totally kill me if I'm not back by 10..." thats what you want to hear right? WELL THEN MAKE HER SAY IT, GIRL!!!! And if she's not stopping going out that late after her accident, then she has problems! I mean, "I got in a car accident once doing this... maybe i shouldn't..." I mean, if THAT didn't wake her up to that, then she has problems! if she stares at the wall all the time i agree to hope shes not doing drugs. maybe if you took a day off from work or sumthin to sleep in the morning, and then you can stay up as long as your daughter does. turn the lights off, and when she comes in,m turn the lights on. believe me it will scare the sh** out of her! and yell at her, tell her you MEAN it this time, no more!!!! good luck! ~Sam