Am a mother of a 5 yr old girl. Have been married for 8 yrs to this man who needs to drink atleast a bottle every evening. He has been abusing me physically and torturing me mentally. I so desperately want to leave him. But I am scared whether I will be able to carry on in life. I want to give my child the same standard of life(financially) that she is having now. Please tell me how this separation can affect her. I just want her to be happy. He has now started venting out his anger on her too. I am afraid for her. He is the sweetest husband and father when he does not drink(very very rarely). Please help me.
2006-08-13 16:04:23 · 12 answers · asked by lovelylongrana 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
run, don't walk, to your nearest women's shelter. bring your daughter with you otherwise it will be a HUGE battle to get her back (abandonment and the like).
once at the shelter they will provide you with all sorts of amazing resources ... counseling to regain your self-worth, a safe and affordable home for you and your daughter, a job, legal advice etc etc.
i know that it seems like an impossible task, i really do, but trust me, you are worth more to your daughter mentally healthy than you are as an abused housewife. your daughter may have a hard time adjusting at first, but once she sees that you are happier she will be thankful that you left too
you are worth too much to continue on in the life that you are leading! take a big deep breath and believe that you are capable of (and deserve) much better than the life that your husband is giving you
you can do it, have faith in yourself!!
2006-08-17 16:08:22 · answer #1 · answered by canadian_beaver_77 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all I am so sorry you and your daughter are going through this. That's really rough! The separation will affect her...sure, BUT in rare cases and I do believe yours is one of those rare cases I actually think that ending things would be the best for everyone. The words..I am afraid for her...he has been abusing me...are what got me. Something has to take place...you don't want either of you to become a statistic( and I mean that in a warm, caring way...not to be cold). Go with your gut on this one..if it doesn't feel quite right, then it probably isn't. See if you can find some sort of shelter for battered women. Ohhh, and start talking to everyone you know about what he is doing...tell your family and friends!! Just tell yourself NO MORE ABUSE, no matter what it takes. And keep on saying to yourself...I don't know HOW WE will make it through this, but WE WILL make it! Alcoholism is a disease and it will take him hitting rock bottom before he realizes he needs help...don't wait until then...it could be forever. Just find a way out and go...I am sure those shelters are good at helping you to find a job somewhere too. Good luck to you honey...I will say a prayer for you!
2006-08-13 23:25:21 · answer #2 · answered by ShineOn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well girl my best suggestion for you is to leave him and also think of what would be better for the child, to have everything she wants or just work a job to support her and give her what she needs, a friend of mine is doing the same thing and she is managing fine, because you have to think about what is best for the child, to be in an abusive situation that has good money or be safe with limited money, i mean i understand what you are feeling but you should leave him and try to have sole custody of your daughter and i think the courts would grant it given his drinking problem and make the stipulation with the courts that he cannot see his daughter until he has been sober for about a month at least so that way if you two decide to work things out you will have a better ground to work with, but over all think about what is best for the child mentally and physically, because the home is where most of a childs influence and morals are based and without a safe, mental, and caring home, the child will not have the proper morals for life.
2006-08-13 23:59:26 · answer #3 · answered by draco_401 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to think threw everything first. Do you have any money to take with you? Do you have a friend or family you could run too? Are you children being abused too? How many times a day does he abuse you? Does he hit you, threaten you or your children? If you answered yes to at least two of these questions, you and your childrens life is in danger. You may love him but he is not showing love to you and your children.. Go to the nearest police station with your children and what clothes you can carry without him knowing it. The police or human services will help you find a place to go. They will help you all the way and you need classes to help you rejust to your new way of life. It will not be easy at first but it is better than staying with someone who does not love you or himself. Your husband needs help with his problem and as long as you stay there he will not get the help he needs. He will go to the next woman and do the same thing. He also needs AAA. Good luck and I wish you much happiness. Zella
2006-08-13 23:52:26 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through a similar situation 3 years ago, though my ex's problem was drugs not alcohol. I was terrified to leave him. I had 2 children at the time (both boys, ages 1 1/2 and 5), one of which was his. He wasn't as abusive physically as he was mentally. He told me everyday how if I left I'd be alone forever, and I wasn't good enough for anyone, blah, blah, blah. Long story short...I got up the nerve to leave and I couldn't be happier now. I stayed with a friend for a few months until I got back on my feet because he was the "bread winner" of the house. It took me a while to start feeling like a whole person but after I was gone and I was free of him life looked up dramatically. Point being: if you aren't happy change the situation. My boys went through a rough patch after I moved out but getting them back into a stable routine helped immensely.
It will do your child more harm keeping her in that situation than packing up and moving. Maybe if you leave him, even temporarily, that will be enough of a wake up call for him to get the help he needs. Don't stay because it's easier than leaving. Leave because it's healthier than staying, for both you and your daughter.
2006-08-13 23:21:10 · answer #5 · answered by Antisocial 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The decision of you staying with an abusive man will affect your daughter's life in more ways that just financially!!!
Because you have chosen to stay in an abusive relationship, your daughter may very well follow in your footsteps. She may view this type of relationship as normal. If you really want what is best for her, you need to see if your spouse is willing to attend couselling for his problem. You are with him and bare a child for him for a reason, I presume. Always remember that he is making HIS issue with life YOUR problem, which affects your daughter. If he refuses courselling, don't just play the card, or give an ultimatum. He has many issues and must find himself and above all, love himself before he can ever love you or his daughter. If he is not willing to change for his own seed, he will never change for you.
2006-08-13 23:14:38 · answer #6 · answered by k b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are Al Anon meetings in many towns, they give help/advice to people that are living with an alcoholic.
Do not ever allow yourself or child to be abused. Seek help immediately.
2006-08-13 23:14:15 · answer #7 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go and don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will take care of itself. You and your daughter's safety and well being comes first. Evverything else will fall into place as time goes by. You cannot help him, only he can help himself and in order to do that, he has to admit he has a problem and seek help for it. There's nothing wrong with you putting you and your daughter first.
2006-08-13 23:29:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no help for him if he doesn't admit he has a problem and neither should you put yourself through any more hell as a result of his behavior. His liver is no longer a sponge Bob, it is a hard rock and death from alcohol posioning will consume him./
2006-08-16 13:13:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take ur husband to a rehab center,,Hopefuly he can start to at least minimize his drinking,,or stop...
Good Luck,,
2006-08-13 23:12:06 · answer #10 · answered by Fed_up_by_u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋