why does my daughter think that i'm the worse mom?

Question

she claims I never do anything for her..that I should have never had kids..that I don't take care of her..and that she can't wait till I die...
I do everything for this child..maybe that's the problem? today I asked her to pick up the trash in her room and she was defiant and laid on the couch and read a book all day..daring me to say anything to her..screaming at me when I did...screaming to the top of her lungs like I was beating her when I was standing there staring at her dumfounded by her actions.....she's been mad cause I wouldn't let her bf live with us and as a result he's in a boarding school..I will never regret that decision...but I do hate how she's acting now...but not sure what to do..her dad is no help..we are divorced..she even bragged one time that when we got back together..she did everything she could to keep us apart..what kind of daughter have I raised?

Answer 1

We as parents do the best we can.. Sounds like you have given, not meaning to, control to her. She is a teenage right?
Well you have given everything she wants but not the bf. She is pissed and knows how to push your buttons. I do know what you are going through I have a 19 year old and we have had many disagreements and many of times she did not like..
You have to get the control back!!!
Stand your ground. Words are very powerful and sounds like your daughter knows how to use them but remember you are the Mom and that is your home and until she is of legal age and lives in your house it is your rules!!!
I always remind mind myself that: "kids nor parents come with instructions. We do the best that we can. Parents and kids make mistakes, no one is perfect, but what we learn from those mistakes make us a better parent and person."
Good Luck!! Be Strong.

Answer 2

Let me guess .... she's 13. Am I right? Well, I guess she could be 14, 15, 16, or 17, too, but 13 is still my guess. It would be the screaming at the top of her lungs as if you were beating her that tipped me off. You CAN'T be the worst mom. Then what would I be? But seriously, hon, relax. You are doing the best you can. You cannot tell what kind of daughter you've raised until she is completely raised and that's quite a ways off, I'll bet. I have been going through this for years, and take some comfort that it does get better ... but I'm not out of the woods yet. Lots of deep breaths, maybe some yoga and an evening to yourself once in a while and you'll make it through this. By the way, good call on the b/f. Hang in there. Next time she tells you she can't wait til you die, tell her you can't wait either because you're exhausted and need a hand now and then from her lazy butt. Stay strong.

Answer 3

How old is ur daughter? Is she 14 or 15 & above?
If so, u shouldn't have scold, shout or even beat her!
Don't act in an aggresive way. She's now a teanager. It's really difficult 4 her 2 accept her parent who always declined 4 what she demands. In the same way, a mother gets hurt really deep in her heart, when the daughter turns out this way.

What she really needs is ur attention, care, concern & luvs.
2 b a mother, u've 2 give her most of ur times, not only that, but 2 b a good listenner too! Moreover u're now acting as a father 2 her too.

Start with a surprise 2 her. Send her 1 card, writing a little note in it, like, "sorry, dear, mummy don't like 2 b like that, but can't control. Can u spend a little time with mummy, letting me 2 share ur problems? I'm always ready 4 u."

Then, put this card in her room. If she's ready 2 starts the conversation, U too, have 2 b ready with ears wide open, trying 2 talk in a soft & manner way. (Try not 2 raise ur voice)

Of course in between, u can send her little gifts of her interest. If u're working, take 1 or 2 days off, arrangging short trips spending together with her.

Don't take her as ur daughter, but as a friend instead! Never mention any irritating issues when u're together. Try 2 b as happy as u r with ur friends. Hope that this will do good 2 ur relationships.

Spend a little is worth better 2 win back ur daughter.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

It depends on the situation you are in. I don't believe that any one who honestly tries to raise their kids right are bad parents.
As for the claim on you not doing anything for her, you may do things for her, but she's probably counting the things she WANTED you to do but didn't. Lets say for instance she wanted a bike. However you ended up buying roller skates. Next week after she says "you didn't buy me anything" when you clearly bought her roller skates. When it isn't what she wants, it's 'nothing'.
As for defiance, if she doesn't do something, don't do it for her. If she asks for something, say NO until she does it. Or, take something away. You should have taken the book from her and said "no book until you pick it up." YOU are the parent, she is the child, not the other way around.
As for the divorce, if she says she provoked the divorce, she won't see it as "i believed in it and it failed." This way she can be like "i knew it was wrong and it didn't hurt me." when the first example expresses pain. I hope that makes sense.
She may just be rebelling because her boyfriend is in a boarding school, but you are not his parent, you are hers and it is your job to keep her safe, not him.
The best thing i can recommend is a parenting class. No, this does not make you a bad parent. A lot of parents get that idea, but Parenting classes, especially ones ran by a psychological facility will teach you new techniques on how to deal with a teenager. I know Kaiser Permanente has a good class. Also, you could try counceling. Yes, it seems a bit much, but most parental and teenage problems are because of communication. A mediator helps you work through that.

Answer 5

Sounds like she is a spiteful, spoiled little girl. You need to start putting your foot down. Stop giving her everything she wants and if she doesn't do chores like she is supposed to then don't give her spending money/buy her clothes/etc. She needs to learn you are the parent and she is the child. She obviously doesn't respect you and is probably very upset about the bf situation and is trying to get back at you by being difficult. Talk to her and let her know why you made the choice about her bf and that you love her no matter what. Explain to her that her actions aren't doing any good.
If worse comes to worse you might consider sending her to a boot camp type of camp - where she will be able to see first hand that she really has a great mom and a great life.

Answer 6

Why don't you take her out for a day shopping or something...Make it a regular thing //That way you are spending time with her and getting to know her better...Do you know what her favorit band or rock group is or whats going on in her life other than that her bf is in a boarding school...Do not let her know that you are happy about this because you will only drive her further away...Let her know that you do care and that you are sorry she hates you but hope that changes...Spend time with her..she needs to know that you are there for her......She is a teenager acting out , she doesn't mean half of what she says and is only trying to make you feel pain like she is...

Answer 7

You need to practice tough love. Stop worrying about making her mad, or wanting her to be your friend. You need to be a mom and put your foot down. Here's my advice. From now on when she is asked to do something and she balks, tell her what the consequence will be if she doesn't do it and then stick to it! No arguing, and no hounding her. Tell her once and then administer the consequence. Believe me, the first time you follow through on a threat, she'll sit up and take notice.

Here are some possible cosequences......

Take away car keys, computer, ipod, phone...everything if you have to, and if you have to physically remove those things, then do it.

Here's my personal favorite though......threaten to take her make-up away, and make her go to school or put in public without it. That works with teens every time!

Answer 8

well do dis its goin 2 break ur heart but if she is so mad cause u didnt let her bf live with u and her den kick her ohut of da hose and tell her 2 go live with him and make alive out of herself
u really dont want someone
WATING FO U 2 DIE DATS JUST AWFUL SHE CANT B LIVIN IN UR HOUSE IF WANTS 2 LIVE THEIR SHE GOTS 2 RESPECT
or at leats call the police and say u dont want her the government will take care of it
but if u really dont feel like doing dat even if she is old ground her and dont let her come out hit her if u have 2 even if she comes 2 hate u more do it she already hates so do it if u want 2
dats how i think
cause if she is like dat when she was small u gave her everythin she wanted and u let her do wat ever she wants and now she thinks it woulndt harm her if she scream at u cause when she was small u never did anythin
so good luck and P.S ULL NEED iT

Answer 9

my prayers are with you but its time you put her in her place theres no reason for a child to act like that she says you dont do anything for her dont make her realize she has something good things that a lot of kids wish for and you may also try counseling she seems to have alot of anger built up i mean why shes saying she was trying to break the marriage up that could possibly be why she misbehaving she feels like somethings missing in her life so you should do that immediately be for it gets worse

Answer 10

Sounds like major communication problems. Boarding school isn't the answer as it just keeps you apart. Find the reason why she's so full hurting, bitter anger at you. You need to take resposibility for your parenting style.