What should i do???

Question

I know I've asked this question like a billion times but I just more answers
Ok my mom died when I was 8 I am now 14, but instead of the hurt going away it comes stronger. Why does it do this??? It seems like everything I do reminds me of my mom now, what should I do???
If you are going to tell me that I need to talk to someone older like a friend, I have an 18 year old friend thats a girl and she is like a big sister to me but I don't want to bug her with my problems. But should I still try to talk to her???

I am even afraid to date, because what if I find the man I love then get married and have kids then I die, it would hurt everyone. Is this normal???

Answer 1

Well hun there are few reasons why it is growing stronger. I could only speculate.

You were 8 and probably a little young to fully understand the meaning of death and all of that. AND also your coming into your teens and that is when a girl will need her mom most. Or it is helpful to have a mother figure around. For advice and bonding, although there are more times in your life when you'll wish your mom was still around for you. To comfort you for your first heartbreak, your frist crush, your first bf and date. your prom.wedding and child.

It is perfectly natural for it to get stronger now since you were 8 and maybe didn't reall y understand what was going on. and if you did a little your at a time when most girls look to their mothers for advice and or words on how they dealt with thier puberty years.

MY advice is maybe talk to your 18 yer old friend or better yet go and talk to your school counsilor * if good * if you dont want to do that. Ask your father or guardian to take you to a professional. sometimes it helps getting of grief. perhaps its not just ur mom. a=go ask to talk to a grief consilor or a psychologist.

Answer 2

I could relate to this problem in some ways but I find it difficult to give much advice. The pain will never go away completely, rather, it becomes different. The things which once caused you grief will someday bring you peace, but you just have to embrace these feelings. These emotions are ones that only you can understand completely and you must learn how you best deal with them, though it is usually beneficial to talk to someone else as well. Knowing people care is often something which fills that void and feeling of abandonment. If this person is a friend, you can rely on her to be there next to you for support, when it hurts to look back, and too frightening to look ahead. Good luck and I am deeply sorry for your loss. You can IM me if you would like.

Answer 3

My dad died when I was 17 I am 22 now and have gone through a lot. You never get over a parents death I still think about my dad every day. My biggest fear was getting married and not having him to walk me down the isle. I still cry some times knowing he will never meat my children or see what i have accomplished. Everyone tells me he is always here watching over me and he sees my children everyday. But to me its not the same. I cant even visit his grave I haven't been there in 3 years. I drive by it every day and cant bring myself to stop. I cant tell you that some day it will get better because it wont. I still remember him when i smell certain things. I just try to remember the man he was and know that the time we had together was the best. I have a hard time doing the same things that we would do together but sometimes that helps. The best thing to remember is life is to short to wast and everyday you should remind everyone around you how much you love them. Never leave anything unfinished.

Answer 4

First, my condolences that you are going through this. You are missing her more as you are going through more life experiences in which you miss her presence.

No one person is going to take away the pain of your mother not being there. However, you need to look at it from the viewpoint of your mother. Would she want you to be feeling this pain of loss over her? No! She loved you too much I'm sure that looking down from heaven she wants you to live a full life in which the life you lead is one that you know will be what she wanted for you.

The 18 year old friend may be a good person to turn to -- don't be afraid. If she is a good friend, she will not feel that you are bugging her when you talk about this as it is a very important thing.

Mark my words, you will grow up to make your mother proud I'm sure as you remember and honor her throughout your life.

Answer 5

i see what u r saying, and im sorry for your loss.. but dont worry u are not alone and the way u r feeling is absolutley normal.. I have a close friend whos father passed away when she was about 8 come to think of it.. and all of her friends tell her to stop being so depresseed.. it happened 8 years ago... so she confided in me..and what i told her think it applies to youa s well.. pain doesnt go away with time.. its something that stays with u through life and itsnt going to ever go away.. it may become stronger now because your at an age (teenage) where you probably have a lot of questions and are growing up and are missing your mother to talk to..ytou should def. talk about it though your older friend wont feel bothered.. she will prob. feel flattered that you have came to her.. just remember that your mother is with you now an always .... the pain will ease i promise.. god bless..

Answer 6

Bless your heart! I'm so sorry for your loss, big hug for you! I hope you are able to talk to your friend, and see a counselor to help work through the grief. Do you belong to a church? Maybe you can meet with the priest and talk with him also? A lot of good advice mentioned here. Maybe join a support group also. Or become a little kid's buddy w/a similiar situation. I don't know the age to become a Big Sister, in that program. You and the little kid can help each other out. Best wishes to you!

Answer 7

I know how you feel. My mom died when I was 11. I know the feelings that you feel. I feel that way all the time. I stopped doing aot of things becasue they reminded me alot of her. I wish that I hadn't. It does that becasue you know that you need her in your life. You know that you are messing something that is very impronant to a girl while is she growing up. You see your friends with their mothers and it hurts even more becasue you want what they have. The only thing that you can do is think and remember that good times that you had with your mom. Even though I know that's hard to do its the only thing that you can do. Be happy that you have things that remind you of your mom. Just remember that she is there watching over you and that you will always have her with you in your heart. If you think that talking to your friend will help you then do it. Its nice to have someone to talk to. If you ever need to talk to me about this feel free to e-mail me or im me. [e-mail].

Answer 8

I'm sorry to hear that. I have heard about some celebrites, like Rosie O'Donnell, who went through a similar situation and they say that it is something they have to live with everyday.
However, I do recommend you not only talk to your friend, but also get some therapy to deal with it. This is a big deal.
The more help you get now, the more it will help you throughout the rest of your life. If you don't work on healthy ways of getting it out, you could carry a lot of baggage.
Good luck and God Bless You.

Answer 9

Hey i understand your pain. I too lost two of my dear aunts a few years back in a tragic car crash that we were involved in. I hear songs they loved and cry. I can smell them sometimes and miss them so much. I understand that talking doesn't always take the pain away and i understand that loosing someone so dear is tragic and i send you my deepest sympathy. The best thing you can do is listen to music, it is cleansing for the soul. Don't be afraid to cry sometimes, it is okay. Most importantly, write poems or songs. Writing is one of the best things you can do to help yourself. If you ever need to talk feel free to im me. P.S. I am also 14 and was 10 when this tragety accured

Answer 10

Yeah you should talk to her i don't think she would think you were weird or anything for talking to her i could understand maybe now you being 14 you needing a mother figure around and it's hard being a teen with out that you maybe talk to someone else in your family also that would listen to you i am sure they would understand how you feel