need it also but i DO AND WONT GIVE ME ANYTHING i have started to see a close friend but we are better friends than we are at #$# so help me oyt i am only 37 and in need
2006-08-13 14:19:39 · 22 answers · asked by rradboys 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tough question. I usually have zero patience for cheating, but this situation isn't as black and white.You've apparently stuck through 9 years of illness. That isn't a picnic for any person. Now, he's better, but has no interest in sex. I'm thinking this has got to be a REAL body blow for you, the wife who's stood by her man. Soooo, what now? Well, a long term disease can change a guy, he can end up brooding, self centered, and demanding. Just when you reasonably expect things to improve, he announces that since doesn't want it, you get no sex either. Not what a woman of 37 is going to accept happily. I hope you can wait just a little longer, this might just be a temporary thing. He may well snap back to his old self soon. I urge you to end the thing with your friend, even just talking. It was wrong, so it should stop, completely. Your husband has to realize QUICKLY, that life isn't going to center on him any longer, and it's time for him to start worrying about you again. If he doesn't start behaving like a husband AND lover again, he's going to lose you. You've given enough, and it's time for you to reap the benefit of the sacrifices you've made for him. If it doesn't happen, you need to divorce, and look for happiness with another. You've done your job, and more. You need feel no guilt, or sense of failure. Perhaps this is a problem that has no good solution.
2006-08-13 15:30:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No quick and easy answer to this one, so here goes...I've always believed marriage to be a shared venture, and from what I've read you've shared your husbands illness for 9 years. Assuming you've remained faithful, part of that shared venture is an expectation of a sexual relationship(unless specified during the courtship phase). Just because your husband has decided he doesn't need sex doesn"t give him the right to decide for you. Before you do something that may cause a lot of trouble, maybe a counseller can help if that doesn't work you have some very sobering decisions to make. Good luck, I truly wish you both well.
2006-08-13 21:34:00 · answer #2 · answered by ron k 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Both of you need to get to marriage counseling. After 9 years of being in a marriage with a person who is ill is hard. This sex part is fixable if you both want it to be. If you don't get counseling I think your marriage is pretty much over now.
2006-08-13 21:27:03 · answer #3 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let your spouse know you have needs...and be kind do not tell him about your close so called friend...he does not deserve to be hurt this way....either stop seeing the friend and be true to your spouse and fulfill your needs in private with your spouse watching
or not...but not with friends....you are committing adultery...you are wrong to do this to your spouse....stop doing this and your close Friend needs to find another friend and stay away from you! Ask God to forgive you and to help you end this with your so called friend....and to restore your marriage! You are doomed to never having a satisfying relationship in your whole entire life if you do not get this back in order with God. Your sexual needs are not above the covenant you have with God and your spouse!
2006-08-13 21:29:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop being a martyr. Explain to your husband that you consider sex as a natural part of a loving relationship. If he doesn't see it your way, then you have decide if you can live without a physical relationship.
2006-08-13 21:25:33 · answer #5 · answered by mediahoney 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Robin, I know your a buity just from your name. Yes you do need to be held and loved even though the Hubby says No. I am 46 and willing to talk and help anyway I can!
2006-08-13 21:27:20 · answer #6 · answered by Mark C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask your husband and you go see a counselor first. If at point were things don't change then seek out a lawyer. I understand that your young. Your not dead yet. hope you get what your searching for.
2006-08-13 21:45:40 · answer #7 · answered by RAINBOW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a rare thing. It is usually the woman who won't have sex. They usually just sit on it, and won't give it up. I feel for you. I could help you with your problem, if I lived close to where you are. Don't fool around with anyone unless you get a divorce though. You don't want to condemn yourself to Hell.
2006-08-13 21:27:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
easiest answers are always the hardest to accept it sounds like my situation but I filed for divorce and she is in a nursing home need I say more ? so back to you and your right to happiness and true love yes I would say get out before it gets to you yet just let him know he is your friend still and it will be hard but well worth it for you - email me if you like
2006-08-13 21:46:57 · answer #9 · answered by fastweeny66 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to his doctor, it could be a hormonal imbalance. Slip him a blue pill. Watch a little porn. Buy some toys. But I would try the doctor first.
2006-08-13 21:25:49 · answer #10 · answered by Mr Cellophane 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋