Marriage and Children?

Question

Could someone give me some PRACTICAL reasons as to why it's a better idea to get married BEFORE having children? Practical reasons, not "because you're supposed to" or "because that's they way God wants it" or anything like that, please. Thank you.

Very few of these reasons are "practical." There's no reason a husband is any more or less likely to be supportive or to stay and not walk out. Come on people, PRACTICAL benefits, not IMAGINED ones.

Answer 1

apart from the nightmare of dealing with hospitals when you are not married to your partner, here's a summary of the real, not imagined pitfalls of cohabiting parenting:

A lower level of commitment to each other, and less reluctance to consider a possible breakup
A shorter time horizon in their life planning
Less merging of their financial, social, emotional, and work lives
Less sexual exclusivity


Associated with this difference, according to numerous studies, are the following facts. The unmarrieds:

Are 50% more likely to break up
Have much higher rates of spousal abuse
Live at a lower economic level
Have lower levels of happiness (both men and women), and derive fewer physical and mental health benefits from the relationship
Receive less help from their extended families
Have worse sex lives
The consequences of these circumstances for children are remarkable. The children of unmarried parents:

Have fewer economic resources
Receive less parenting from their fathers
Face a much greater risk of parental break-up, leading to two to three times the risk of having serious social problems when they become adolescents and young adults, such as juveniles delinquency and teenage out-of-wedlock childbearing
If the father is biologically unrelated to the child, which is much more often the case in unmarried families, the child is no better off than living with a single mother. And, compared to a child living with two natural parents, the child is much more in danger of being seriously abused both sexually and physically.

It is estimated that almost half of children growing up today will spend some time living with an unmarried, cohabiting couple. This should be considered a national tragedy. For our nation's children, one of the worst things that could befall them would be a continuation of the current shift away from marriage.

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Answer 2

I'm with you on this. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and we discuss the same things. I, however, would like to be married before I have children because I feel it's what's right for me. I want my children to come into this world knowing that their parents are committed to each other in every way, shape and form.

The most practical reason (for us) would be the benefits of my boyfriend at work. He has amazing health insurance, life insurance, etc. If I were pregnant, I would get the best care if we were married.

Other than that, do what fits best in your life. If you'd rather have children, then get married - you do it! There will always be naysayers and people who have nothing better to do than talk about the fact that you did it backwards - but it's not their life, it's yours. :)

Answer 3

There are only 2 reasons I can think of. My fiance and I have 2 children. I haven't had insurance for 6 months. If we were to get married I would have insurance but we don't want to yet. So health insurance is one reason. Another reason is because of a bigger tax break (at least that's what I've heard). I'm not completely sure on that though because my fiance has always claimed me as a dependent until this year. I just started working.

Bogus reasons for marriage:
-A boyfriend can walk out but a husband can't (lie)
-you won't get child support(Lie) All the father has to do is establish paternity
-children will grow up in a loving enviroment(lie) Children are in a good enviroment as long as they have 2 LOVING parents

Answer 4

My only thought would be to give the couple more "alone" time. If you're in a relationship with your boyfriend for a relatively short time, and then WHAM...you get pregnant, you won't have enough time to spend with each other and get to know each other as well and do "couples only" things (parties, movies, romantic vacations, etc. Soon, the woman's going to be focusing only on the pregnancy and the boyfriend/fiancee will feel left out, and it might put a bit of strain on the relationship. This applies only to newer relationships though. If you've been dating your boyfriend for 5 or 10 years, then it doesn't really matter if you get married before having kids. My (now) husband and I dated for 9 months before I became pregnant. We got married when I was 5 months pregnant. This happened to us. I mean, we had plenty of good times...went out on the weekends, etc., but didn't get to experience really what it was like to be a young couple in love and have all the free time we wanted before I got married. I often wonder what it would have been like to date for 2 or 3 years. Would we have stayed together? Would we have been more financially stable than we are now? Would my husband have gone back to college and gotten his degree?

Answer 5

There are some minor legal hassles, the hospital may be less co-operative, etc.

If you are 100% sure you are going to get married, then many of the order doesn't matter so much. I suspect most of what people say boils down to 'if you get married and then decide not to have kids, thats less fallout then if you have kids then decide to split up'.

I guess I would suggest this. I don't think I'd want to have children with someone who was not yet ready to commit to marrying me. While there is nothing wrong in theory with getting married after the child is born, in practice, I have doubts that someone who says they are not ready to get married yet is really ready to 'have a child now and get married later'.

Answer 6

Honestly...if you don't want an answer to be practical...you won't find it practical...For tax reasons, marriage is the better option, more write offs and credits for a married couple with a child than for unmarried. Plus there is no argument over visitation if anything happens, or the such.

Answer 7

Frankly, the only practical reason for getting married before starting a family is to provide a mature, stable, loving, secure home for the children to grow up in. That is it. Simple. Wonderful.

Answer 8

Practical reason is that by getting married first, and then have children, you have been setting the scene perfectly for your children to have a security life style and as the same time you're matural and responsible: you have space, income and someone to be there for you and your children.

Answer 9

Although those should be good reasons your not looking for that so let me try to tell you how I feel.I think that it is extremely important for the baby and kids to see there parents interact and be compassionate and loving not only to them but others.I have 3 kids and they are all under 6 and I have been married for 7 years and we tried to set a good example by getting married even though we had been engaged for 13 months.You bring babies into this world and you should think about what is best for them not us.

Answer 10

Because then you have someone there for physical and emotional support. Boyfriends can walk out on you just like that. But if you are married You have a spouse who loves you and you love them and you will support each other. And you will have children because you want a family and not because you were just being stupid.