ok my wife of 7 years cheated on me in march. our divorce was final in june, we have 2 kids together. my thing is that at first, she didnt care that she cheated on me cause she just kinda went crazy, but now she regrets it very much. and the problem is that i still love her but i will NEVER trust her again. how are you supposed to move on? we still spend time together sometimes, and she just stopped seeing the guy she cheated on me with, but i just cant get over her, and i dont wanna meet someone and drag them into this mess, its just not fair. i want to know how to either take her back, or get over her, and i dont know how to do either one. its like i dont want her but i dont want anyone else to have her either, and i know she still loves me but i have too much self respect to just jump back in with her, but then again i dont want to be alone from now on. any advice would be greatly appreciated!i need all i can get, because i dont know what the hell to do.
2006-08-13 13:45:48 · 39 answers · asked by Brian 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She regrets her indiscretion now that the other man is out of her life. That's shutting the barn door after the horse escaped and got run down by a semi. I know it's hard, but try to limit your contact with her so that you can move on with your life. It will take time, but it can be done. Sometimes being alone for awhile is a good thing. It helps you get your head together and sort things out. DO NOT go back with her. No matter how sorry she is at this point in time, she is still the same person she was when she betrayed you. Once someone does something like that, it becomes easier to do again. She would repeat herself, you would get hurt, and you will have wasted any time that you spent healing from her original betrayal. Just don't consider it.
2006-08-13 13:53:20 · answer #1 · answered by Candidus 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I was married for 13 years when my x wife cheated on me. Luckily we only had a little girl whom I adore very much. But I just couldn't deal with her cheating on me myself. When that happened I tried to make it work, but it seem like there was something missing. we would always fight and things would get brought up, it would never die out, and the thoughts linger on and on.Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship, if there is none or very little you will always be looking around your shoulder. Everyone is different and you know the people in your own life the best, so look at everything and make sure which ever way you go is right for you, now, either way you do decide won't be easy,,, only time heals those kind of wounds. I've been divorced now 6 years, re-married and have 2 more children girl 5 and a boy 3, and my oldest girl will be turning 18 in Oct. I am glad I made the decision I did. Make sure for your self, what it is you want in life, Peace and Harmony for me, and I got it, Good Luck To You My Friend...
2006-08-13 14:05:04 · answer #2 · answered by kevle23 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Boy has she done a number on you. Not just the cheating, but you're seriously questioning your own judgement. I feel your pain. I've been in your shoes. I took him back and it worked for me, but it was a rare occassion as I am learning. The thing that bothers me with your situation is that you said she didn't care that she cheated. That sums up alot. Even people who get caught feel bad, but she didn't....she just didn't care. You also said that she's started coming around again and just stopped seeing the guy she was seeing. You have to ask her if it's because of her love for you or because she wants her old life and the grass turned out to be not so green on the other side. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that we can give you advice until the cows come home. We can tell your our horror stories and our heart-warming ones....but none of them are going to have the definate answer you are seeking. We aren't going to have to live with the consequences of your decision, we flip off the computer and that's the last we think about what we've said to someone. This decision needs to come from you and being that you sound like an intelligent man with a clear head on his shoulders, you know what to do, you just don't know how to do it. Baby steps honey...baby steps. Good luck to you!
2006-08-13 14:09:56 · answer #3 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't get over her if you keep seeing her, so the first thing you have to do is stop seeing her except when you are picking up your kids. Next, if you are unable to ever trust her again, then you can never have a happy marriage so until you can get trust back, I don't recommend any kind of reconciliation. You will always be wondering whenever she goes out what she's doing and who she's doing it with. You did nothing wrong and you deserve to be happy and so does your child. All I see from the 2 of you getting back together are fights from mistrust and that is not good for any kid. It's time for you to move on. It may not seem like it now but you will find someone you will love again and who will be faithful to you, and that is what you deserve. Now, go out and find that girl!
2006-08-13 13:50:29 · answer #4 · answered by Chaddy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not someone that this has happened to directly, but it sounds to me like you and my fiance have alot incommon on that one note. see the very 1st question I wrote on ask.
keep your self respect and be alone, take up a hobby go to the bar with some buddy's when you get a chance. Live life and when you find someone you are into or they find you be honest about the going on's 100% if you want it to work with a good honest non cheatin type of gal that is the only way. I know he has never completely goten over it and he probley won't but never loose hope he still has me and i would never do anything to ruin that and I know he returns the respect.
veiw the below link and you wil understand why I know what I am talking about
stay true be you and dont let her cheatin ways fool you seems to me she is on the rebound from the guy she cheated on you with just wait and see what happens and dont loose your head around her.
go out have some fun live life
dont look for someone and that will be noticed as well thats how i attached to my man like a leach he fought me tooth and nail but i never gave up and now we have been living together for 4 years and i love him today they way i loved him when we 1st met.
dont loose hope
there is indeed plenty of fish in the sea even one's who accept baggage and even help you pack it the best way they can.
2006-08-13 14:13:41 · answer #5 · answered by pandala777 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Answer is.... you need to decide..... been there done that. First thing is you obviously love her and are hurt. You need to as a man decide what you want as I said. Yes she violated your trust, yes he went a bit crazy but if something is important someone has to step up to the plate. I am telling you if you are not strong and explore the possibility of getting back together you will regret it forever. Go out or whatever, talk, try to remember how things once where but don't nitter natter about this and that. You are a strong confident guy who is willing to forgive if she genuinely loves you but exude that you would be fine without her if something happened again. To much talk will screw it up and the less said the better. This will make her more interested and doubt why she ever messed up.
2006-08-13 18:49:41 · answer #6 · answered by jackson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should and can for the kids and because marriage is sacred. Like you said she went crazy and probably needed to do that in order to appreciate you and the love you have for her. Some people have to go through things before they know what is right for them. Its awful you had to suffer from the whole ordeal but I think you should take her back and start all over again. You will not be the only one feeling distrust. She will always wonder if you will pay her back when there is a hot lady around and thats what she gets.
2006-08-13 13:54:14 · answer #7 · answered by nastaany1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well all I can say is that maybe you should take things slowly and try to trust her again. I know it will be hard but give it a try and see what happens. As far as moving on goes if you are this unsure about moving on then maybe you should wait a little longer and move on when you feel it in your heart. Only you know when yo are ready. As for your two kids do not drag the into the dating/healing process. They need to keep a distance from that problem and the people you bring into it. I hope I helped!
2006-08-13 13:53:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're fighting with yourself here. You said you will never trust her again and by the way you said it, it seems like a final conclusion for you. A solid relationship is based on trust (among other things) and if you can't trust her again the relationship will NEVER work out. You will always wonder if she will cheat on you again. I don't know what you mean by "you don't want anyone to have her" Dude, someone already did (remember she cheated on you). You have two choices here: If you want to get back with her, you have got to learn to trust her again and she has to do her part in helping you get that trust back. Mind you, it's never going to be easy or quick. There's going to be a lot of work ahead for both of you. If you think this is something you're both capable of overcoming then go for it. The second choice would be to just move on and to give yourself lots of time in between to get over this before you jump into another relationship. Make your choice and remember to firmly stick with it because you're the one who's going to have to live with it.
2006-08-13 14:08:51 · answer #9 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The power of Love is not loving someone. The greates power of love is forgiving her.
The issue here is actually quite simple by itself but it would take lots of discipline on both of you.
1) both of you needs to talk and trash out all differences in going forward. Ie what you expect of her in the future and she of you. The reason is because, for a woman to go sideways are usually there are something in you that she do not see and that could be the reason. Tell her that if certain failings of yours, she would have to learn to accept as this is what you are and what are the things that you could change.
2) Make her write down the promises. It is important
3) Make her write down the things that she felt that she has wrong to you and you to her. Then exchange the paper and discuss it. and forgive where possible
- Put into a plastic container and then go to the empty garden and bury both your hatches. (ie putting the piece of paper of both error in the plastic and burying them) thereby promising never ever to bring it up in future quarrels or arguments
4) put the children with your parents for a few days and go on serious honeymoon date again
5) change her handphone number and look at life together as a family again. spent more attention on your children and your love will once again blossom
Good luck. and do not walk the broken path that i had.
2006-08-13 13:57:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋