Am I over-reacting?

Question

I don't get my husband. Everything else seems more important than me and our two boys, everything else comes first. He'll spend hours working on his car (most recently putting in a turbo kit) or playing this mutliplayer online game, but the boys and I never see him; he's always got something else to do. Lately it's been really bad. The kids are starting to feel neglected and r complaining to me. They miss him.

Most recently? He's on a business trip that took him near his hometown, so over the weekend, he drove down to see his mother (he's a big momma's boy, bends over backwards 4 her). No problem. Except that he's so busy doing things 4 "mom" that he couldn't be bothered to call and tell his kids goodnight for the last two nights. And doesn't understand why I'm so angry and hurt. He does stuff like this all the time. There's always something more important and we never get equal time. But he doesn't get it. So I thought Id ask

What do you guys say? *Am* I over-reacting?

Believe it or not, I have talked to him and I've been counseling (of course he's got an excuse as to why he can't go with me). He won't listen. He thinks I'm over-reacting. He's always got an excuse. "I do stuff for you, too". Or "Just last weekend we all went bowling!".

I'm going back to counseling (had to quit b/c of an insurance screw up that took forever to settle) when the kids go back to school, but just had to know if I was over-reacting. He always tells me that I am.

Just had to say thanks. Believe it or not, I have tried every single suggestion in this message at one time or another. I've tried it all. I don't want to end my marriage, but I'm at my wits end.

Answer 1

eeewa no...i dunno about you..but i have to feel like im the center of attention in my bf's world..is that wrong? maybe...but thats just how i am..if i feel neglected at all i begin to feel hurt and mad..i mean im not trying to be needy or anything..but if i dont feel important to him..i feel like he doesnt love me..wow i never really realized how childish that sounded until i typed it out...sheesh...anyways..i can understand the fact that you and ur 2 boys feel neglected..and i know that it isnt a nice feeling..and also it is very important for boys to have time with there dad..have you tried talking to your husband? maybe if you sit him down and calmy talk about it then he will take it seriously.tell him that you and the boys feel like you take the backseat to many different activities (and even other people..like his mom) maybe you could plan a day trip to the beach..or a picnic at the park or an amusement park...any kind of activity that will allow you to all share some fun together as a family...if none of these options sound good to you then you could even head to the video store grab some take out and do a family movie night..people take those they love most for granted a lot during daily life..a simple activity or special day could bring you all closer together and help you guys to appreciate eachother again.i hope that my suggestions help you in some way..im really sorry to hear that you and your boys feel sad..and i hope that you guys can all be a whole happy family again very very very soon.take care.

Answer 2

Maybe you are and maybe you are not over reacting. SOme guys just enjoy the independance of doing what they want, not having to "report" back home or whatever. Perhaps something is on his mind and he has not told you or feels like he cannot tell you. I think in marriage this type of thing happens alot. It eventually builds up and is the demise of a relationship. Two people need to communicate and understand what the other is thinking. Talk to hima dn get the real answer. Anything is possible.

Answer 3

I don't think you're overreacting. I actually agree with you. However, at this stage it's pretty hard to change him. I would try writing him a letter just to see if he gets it. But if he doesn't, this is something you have to deal with. You need to be strong for your children. It's his loss anyway, in the end, if he doesn't take the time with your kids--one day, he'll grow old and your sons won't even care for him.

Answer 4

No your not . Your heading for trouble start doing what you did when you first got together something that you did that you both like dont bring up the promblem at hand just start talking about normal things and get the communacation back first or you will drive him away

Answer 5

You are not over reacting...his kids need their father around more. He is being selfish, but I think he is doing this because he has something on his mind and he is scared to tell you. Talk to him without raising your voice or anything. Be calm. I think y'all need counseling to get to the bottom of this before it is too late. Goodluck!

Answer 6

It almost sounds as if you have another child instead of a husband. I have not doubt that he is great for his mom since he seems to already know the child role so well.

No you are not over reacting. You own children need to have a father in their lives.

Answer 7

No, I do not think that you are over reacting. In fact my hubby does that same thing. I feel like that comercial where the wife is invisable. Counseling sounds like it would be good. Hopefully our hubby's can get it through their head that our children as well as us are not door matts. Good luck!

Answer 8

I don't know why but I hear ya. Yesterday my hubby thought it was more important to clean out our cars than go with me and the kids to a city park anniversery party.

Answer 9

YOUR PARTNERS NOT HIS NANNY. IF YOU DONT WORK I THINK THAT MAY HELP YOU. IT IS SOOOO INPORTANT THAT YOU HAVE YOUR OWN INCOME TOO. AND IT GIVES YOU A GOOD FEELING TO GO DO SOMETHING ELSE OTHER THAN TAKE CARE OF HIM AND GET ICNORED. TELL HIM THAT IT WOULD BE SO NICE TO DO SOMETHING WITH HIM AND THE KIDS. YOUR NOT THERE JUST FOR WHEN HE WANTS YOU. BEEN THRU IT. HE ENDED UP CHEATING!! YEAH!!! THAT WAS MY WAY OUT. NEVER BEEN HAPPIER!

Answer 10

No. I really don't think you're over-reacting at all. From what I've read it seems like he needs to grow up and get his priorities in order. Confront him. Talk to him about these issues. Try to get him to see that he needs to change.