I'll be in the desert for at least 4 months. I know he's going to go to the bars and I'm worried because he is very attractive, outgoing and funny. He will get lonely and it will be during the winter time- a time when people naturally get more lonely anyway.
I love and trust him. He moved to TX while I was in tech school to be with me. He left his family, friends and awsome job to be with me. He loves me and I do trust him, but something in the back of my head wants to question his lonelyness. Should I? Because I know he's going to worry about me cheating because I'm very attractive too, but I know I wont because I love him. And It hurts me that he will think like that. So I know it from his point of view.
2006-08-13 13:10:17 · 49 answers · asked by chica123 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Could be a great test for the both of you. Its' been said that if something you have is lost, than it wasn't yours to begin with.
It sounds like a great challenge and making each other call every half hour is not the solution. I would suggest that you both make an agreement that the two of you will not talk to each other but once a week, and you both will keep a journal to write down your feelings for each other during the separation.
When you guys re-unite you can share your journals with each other,,,good luck.
2006-08-13 13:17:51 · answer #1 · answered by charlesncharge 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You know there are still people in the world who stay faithful to their mates no matter what. And I believe that your husband is commited to you. I just don't understand why he would be going out to bars. Gosh. WHY go to bars? The guy needs to grow up and get other activities like, reading, volenteer work, a project around the house.Take a class at the local junior college, join a softball team and so on.
If he wants a drink he can have one at home in front of the TV.
When I was married my x traveled and I never once went ot a club for a drink. (maybe the three kids had something to do with that LOL)
When I am in a commited relationship I don't worry about cheating because I would never cheat and I would pick out guys who have the ability to be faithful. Bars are for singles or for couples who show up together.
Maybe you two should have a conversation on faithfulness. And ways to make sure it happens (the faithfulness that is). I would suggest neither of you hang out in places where it could be a place set up for cheating.
God Bless and thank you for serving our country.
2006-08-13 13:25:38 · answer #2 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you didn't mention that you had children. I worked in the military doing deployments since before the Gulf War and never heard of this happening, but certainly I did hear of affairs "over there.'"
If you do have kids, he won't have the time for an affair because those dad's have your job and his job to do ...and I might add it's good training and they appreciate you more when you do return. You say he loves you and you can only hope. I realize hope is not a plan...but speak to him and let him know he'd break your heart.
Truely though, after what you said about him it is not him I would be concerned with. What I am concerned with are the women of 29-45 who are unattached. This generation of women are different from no other that I've known. I am not speaking of all of them but there are many in that age group who consider all men "fair game." Little psychopaths they are....
Keep in touch by cell or e-mail as often as possible. Good Luck stay safe and thanks for serviing! .
2006-08-13 13:23:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you are going to have alot more to worry about over there, than if your husband is going to cheat or not. I married a Marine, have tons of friends in the military and quite a few stationed in Iraq and Afganistan. It's not the spouses at home that are cheating, it's the soldiers themselves. Before you leave write your husband letters. One for every day or every other day depending on how much time you have before you go. Make him promise to only read then when specified. Take several spirals, pens, envelopes and stamps with you to continue the letters. This type of separation is hard for anyone, but it's extremely hard for the young ones who don't have the concept of what marriage is truly about. Writing those letters gives him a little bit of you while you are away. It's going to suffice his lonely feelings and it'll make him think long and hard before he opts to do anything stupid. Just be sure you do the same. As you admitted, you are an attractive woman yourself. There are a few thousand soldiers over there who've been there for quite some time and are in need of some attention. Whether it's consoling each other or sympathizing, it usually leads to more. You, too, need to be careful of that. Good luck to you and I hope you return safely.
PS. Thanks for being a soldier and doing what some of us are not capable of doing. I truly appreciate you!
2006-08-13 13:22:52 · answer #4 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter what you look like to cheat. My ex husband is not a very goodlooking guy (don't ask me why I married him lol) and he cheated on me. You go by whats in the persons heart. Keep in contact with him everyday. Tell him how much you love him. You will never know if he is going to cheat on you and the same thing goes for him. Just trust each other. If he does then he does there are other fish in the sea you can catch.
2006-08-13 13:17:52 · answer #5 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, no matter what you do you're gonna worry. Every soldier who has gone on mission (including myself) has worried about their mate. Why should you be different. You on the other hand will have much more temptation. Death will be closer to you then in the states and that can change your perspective if you're not prepared. You will be isolated with many other people who will be isolated and out of their natural surroundings. The propensity to cheat will greater with you then your husband.
The thing you need to focus on is your integrity, your feelings and your actions (that;'s all you have control over). You can't do a thing about his. You can just hope that you have chosen wisely and wish for the best.
Good luck on your deployment.
2006-08-13 13:28:01 · answer #6 · answered by hoyhoydc 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a load of poo. Being very attractive has nothing whatsoever to do with trust and if looks play into it for the two of you your marriage is based on the superficial. Trust isn't because a person lives with you or because you're cute or any of those things. Trust is when you care so much for someone that you don't want anyone else and you would never do anything to hurt the other person. You could look like Frankenstein and that would be true.
2006-08-13 13:16:00 · answer #7 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's a tough one. If this really worries you, I think you need to tell him that you have that concern on your mind. Tell him that you vow never to cheat on him ever. Maybe if he knew how much his fidelity meant to you he would think really long and hard if someone tries to tempt him while you are away.
Tell him that you don't want to be worried about that while you are away or it may lead you into temptation too. Your life is at stake and if your mind starts to wander like that you will drive yourself crazy. Make him promise and then put it out of your mind. I'm sure he will think good and hard the very second some woman approaches him and even if he is tempted your face will be there to haunt him every second and he will just not be able to do it. It sounds like you both have the same worries and fears...that others will take notice and take advantage of the opportunity while you are separated. Love is about sticking with it, and you have to convince one another that you can believe in one another's love and commitment.
I know what it's like to have a good looking hubby. We were at a restaurant the other night and the waitress kept coming around and interrupting our meal with her thousand and one questions and pointedly looking at my husband each time. You could just tell she wanted him to distract him. I would answer her each time even though she never once looked at me (until I did...and you could see the slight annoyance there) Finally at one point after her umpteenth interruption my husband says something to her like "Didn't my wife already tell you we didn't need any more bread?" or something....she got the hint and scurried off and could barely look at us when she came with the bill. Gotta love my hubby! :~) But the nerve of some people they flirt right in front of you sometimes like shameless hussies.
Anyhow write him daily if you have access to email, or letters as often as you can. These little things will keep his mind occupied of you. Don't be afraid to be romantic in those letters and let him know all you triumphs and fears. I really believe that hanging on tight will make a difference in the long run and help you both stay true and loyal. You need to focus on the job at hand.
Good luck...Hope it all works out for you, and stay safe.
2006-08-13 13:16:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may be wondering the same thing. Will you cheat? Sorry but there is no good answer to this one. But all I can say is don't worry yourself with that question....it will drive you nuts. He may cheat or for that matter you may as well. The sad reality is people who spend time away from each other have a greater chance of cheating than people who are together all the time. Good luck hon!
2006-08-13 13:39:25 · answer #9 · answered by T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well there is no way to get rid of that feeling, but if you both love each other as much as you declare then i would set things aside for now and take one thing at a time.. the only time to worry about cheating is when he gives you reasons to doubt him.. like never answering the phone when you call, says that hes busy and cant talk right now... until then i wouldnt worry
2006-08-13 13:15:27 · answer #10 · answered by jinxygrl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋