My true love passed away Jan 30, 2005. Some jerk on a snowmobile decided to play around and he was killed instantly. We had a wonderful life planned. I met this man I am now with told him all. He siad he was willing to accept it and could deal with it. I try to keep my feelings to myself and only cry when I am alone. I miss Paul so much. I know I can never bring him back and this man I am with is not as understanding as he said he was about it. I have a hole that will never heal in my heart. It will be there til the day I die. I care for this man but, I find it real hard to tell him I love him. I feel like I am cheating on Paul. I have mentioned to him that I am sorry but, it has nothing to do with him. I have told him rarely that I love him. He says that he is living in Paul's shadow. I told him "NO". There is not one person that can ever replace, pretend to be, or compare. How do I get him to understand that It is not him. I would like to make this work.
2006-08-13 13:02:08 · 9 answers · asked by italliansweety67 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Well..first I offer you my condolences, I am very sorry to hear about the tragic loss and it is heartbreaking.
This man is really trying to make you feel better and he loves you. Don't feel like you are cheating on Paul, don't feel that way at all. I know that you really love him and that love will always be there.
The thing that helps me the most is what people have told me . I lost a very special friend . She was hit by a drunk driver and killed instantly . We were close and she was very special to me. We were high school friends. I mourned and mourned. I could not stop crying.
What I was told is to live my life the way that I lived it when she was around. I was lively I was happy. I was told that my friend would not want to see me crying and that she would expect me to get on with my life.
I am sure that Paul wants the same from you. Remember him and love him. Get on your life as hard as it may be. Give this man a chance and don't push him away. You will start to feel better. You will find happiness once again.
If needs be , see a counselor. I wish you the best of luck.
My heart hurts for you because I would be just devastated if I lost my beloved husband.
Really, you have to move on and make the best of everyday. You will get to see Paul again one day. ;0)
Take care.
2006-08-13 13:09:17 · answer #1 · answered by HappyCat 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't force yourself to say you love someone when you obviously aren't ready for that yet. You are still mourning Paul's death whether it's alone or not! You can't cover up something like that no matter how hard you try. If you truly care for this guy then try harder to focus on him and your new relationship. The only way you can make him stop saying that is to just put HIM in the SPOTLIGHT.
I am truly sorry for your loss but you must forget about Paul. You will always have your memories and that's good but keep them on the back-burner. You know he loved you and the last thing he would want you to do would be to continue to grieve over him. He would want you to be happy. I wish you didn't have to go through this. God bless you and Good Luck!
2006-08-13 13:29:42 · answer #2 · answered by buzzbait0u812 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe you are being fair to either him or yourself. You are not ready to have another relationship right now. He is right, he is living in Paul's shadow. He knows you will never accept him for anything other than second best but it sounds like he cares enough for you to hang around. You may like this new man but until you come to terms with the loss of Paul he will always feel like less than a full part of your life. Give yourself a break and maybe see a grief counselor. I think that is your first step to make. You know that Paul wouldn't want you to treat this man this way. Good luck.
2006-08-13 13:17:21 · answer #3 · answered by Moreen2b 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If your "true love" passed away a bit more than a year and a half ago, why are you in such a serious relationship with someone else so soon?
Break it off with this man and get some counseling. It is the only fair thing to do for each of you. You are not ready to let go of "Paul" (not even a mention of the new man's name, etc.) and you are assuaging your grief by substituting this man's company for your beloved. Let him go so he can find a woman who will recognize him as her true love, not just someone who "wants to make it work." Anything less would be cruel and incredibly selfish.
Good luck.
2006-08-13 13:11:34 · answer #4 · answered by hrh_gracee 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Take a break from dating.....and mourn your Paul.Only when you do that,you will start to be able to go on with life.The hurt i'm afrid will not go away but will lessen along the way.Only after a sense of closer can you find love again.It won't be like you had,but I have a feeling Paul would want you to find happiness again.Please remember not to compare your next boyfriend with Paul either,just remember it is a fresh start!And Good Luck Hun,I'll say I prayer for you tonight that you find the peace you need now.
2006-08-13 15:01:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to seek professional help to get you through your grieving process. Until this is resolved your current bf will always feel like he is in Pauls shadow. Thats not a good way to build a relationship. I have been on the opposite side of the fence, and it hurt me a lot to feel that I was never as good as the dead wife.
2006-08-13 13:11:48 · answer #6 · answered by Ms understood 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My mom lost her fiance in germany in the same way sort of... she is now married to my father but before she married him she told him that she could never love him the way she loved ernst
2006-08-13 13:07:59 · answer #7 · answered by jinxygrl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it really sounds to me that you are not ready for another relationship yet.
take a break from dating and discover more about yourself.
i also suggest some counseling (your pastor) or get involved in a support group with others dealing with this same issue.
i pray peace and comfort for you. God bless :)
2006-08-13 13:08:43 · answer #8 · answered by ppunk71 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
move
2006-08-13 13:05:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋